Mumsnet jury - how rude should I be to an incompetent ticket agency?

[PartridgeinaRustyBearTree]

Miss X.X
Customer Services
Incompetent ticket Agency.com

Dear Miss X,

Thank you for your letter dated 4th December concerning the tickets for the Bedouin Soundclash on 16th November 2007.

Having been sent and charged for two sets of tickets due to a failure of your website, I contacted your Call Centre on 13th November 2007 (not the 13th December as stated in your letter - a date which is clearly impossible as I do not possess a time machine)

I was told that the tickets needed to be returned by the 15th November, not 15th October as stated in your letter - a date which again is obviously impossible, as the tickets were not ordered until the 16th October.

I posted the tickets by guaranteed next day delivery to the address I had been given on the 14th November. I enclose a photocopy of the proof of posting and tracking number. On receiving your letter I checked the tracking site and I enclose a print-out of the electronic proof of delivery which shows that the letter was delivered and signed for at 1pm on November 15th.

As the tickets were clearly returned within the time required, I would be glad if you would issue the refund due to me without further delay.

Yours sincerely

RustyBear

Should I include the bit about the time machine, or will it just put their backs up?

I'm also contemplating a bit about how do they know when the tickets arrived as they obviously can't read a calendar...

You want them to give you your money, promptly. Be nice

No time machine sounds good! If they are THAT incompetent then they deserve an ear bashing!

I think you should include the time machine bit. It kind of underlines their incompetence

time machine is funny .. send it

From my personal experience, check and double check your facts then write it in such a way that you won't think of this with horror for months to come if you are wrong in some way! I've learnt to tone down my complaints due to me either having misunderstood some part of it or else getting part of it wrong on a couple of occasions.

Thanks for the replies - I may save the sarcasm for the second letter if they refuse again.
I'm sure all my facts are right, though their admission that their website 'may have had some problems' was only made over the phone. But their letter states that I was told I could have a refund if the tickets were returned in time and accepts that they were returned - the only thing they dispute is the time of return, and I have proof of that.

If you send them a sarky letter, I guarantee they will put it on the bottom of the pile and deal with the nicer ones first.
Be professional and concise and they will deal with it quicker.

I'd probably leave out the timemachine, tbh - I think you want to come across as totally professional and businesslike.

Could the last sentance be more direct? eg Having provided the necessary proof of the timing of the return, I assume you will now provide a full refund.

I would also put the 'failure of website' bit in quotes and reference that this was as stated by a member of their staff.

Think you're right funnypeculiar - I was having trouble with that last bit.

I will go with the 'professional & concise' & content myself with airing my sarcasm on MN.

Unless they still don't refund me, then I may just go for broke (I will also publish their name on here...)

Result! I'm getting my money back!

I got a letter today saying "I have discussed your request with the Event Manager who has advised me as a gesture of goodwill, on this occasion I can issue a refund on your ticket" = "The event manager has admitted you were right"

Sorry forgot to say - thanks for your help!