We are wading uphill through custard (to steal a phrase from motherinferior)

[Prunie]

Everything's a struggle at the moment - I know, it's Christmas time, bit stressy anyway. I seem to be constantly cajoling or reminding or rethinking or dealing with some aspect of ds's behaviour, something that dh has forgotten to do...just want to go and hide under a stone, really.

DS has just got up, reluctantly agreed to give me half a cuddle, then slapped me in the face. It's kind of hard to have a good day when you start it like that.

I don't know why I am posting this really, just need a bit of help keeping the mask of serene indifference from slipping.

Sorry for butting in...

Have to say, I love that natural consequences thing. Has worked for me in the past.

DD1 came to realise that going out in January without shoes and a coat was a BAD thing...

You won't have a simple child because you are both very bright, quirky, intellectually curious and rigorous people, you know that really
He's bound to be a deeply annoying pickle at this age, he is nearly four, but when you factor in beady-eyed intelligence, it's doubly not nice
Let's sew him and dd in a sack

lol marina at the sack! It's the only way...
I would love to see you at new year
Sorry you are having troubles too
When you said 'partner wobbles' I nodded at the screen
Nothing major for us, we just need a holiday together!

Yes, I do too tbh Issy. I know what you mean.
It was a big mistake sticking Enchanted Carols on my ipod this morning after a very difficult week, and then reading the posts on this thread.
I don't know about you though, but for me Mn IS the only place I can let it out. I have to be Big Cheerful Capable Positive Boss/Mother/Daughter/Sister/Wife/Mrs Churchwarden everywhere else and just occasionally at the pinch points, you want to raise your head and bawl. Or post
And then you read about other women on here in all sorts of situations with their shoulders to the plough and you just feel so sad and powerless and dismayed that for so many of us, trying your best is just not enough at times.

Yes that's true Marina

Prunester - just nipping in here briefly as am utterly bloody exhausted with DD2's nocturnal coughing, and DD1 is lurking in poorly way at my elbow (this is secretly intensely and guilt-inducingly wearing) to give you my love. And everyone else.

I haven't actually shouted at Mr Inferior yet today, but that might be because he's not here.

Sorry that idea no good

I couldn't cope half as well as you do

you have my respect and sympathy

what happens if you ignore him and carry on in a super cheery way?

This sometimes works with dd1 .

Sometimes it is too hard though and I just want to cry.

Natural consequences work here too. Amazing what cold wet feet do. Only works if you genuinely appear not to give a toss though.

I'm meant to be working on something Very Important but I will offer you lots of support in making your custardy way up to the top of the hill. My own DS is not my favourite person - for some reason DS has decided to be a complete pain in the bum this last few weeks and may be excluded from the school nativity and dh is worried this is the slippery slope downwards. While some people have said ooh you don't want a pudding, you want a child with some spark in them, I would actually find a pudding much better for my own state of mind (not to mention tastier).

Prunie

Do you think your ds is a lot like you?

I know dh and I have talked about this as dh he finds ds easier than I do, though even he agrees he is not an 'easy' child

I know much of it is that ds is much more like me in temperament (though he is the spit of dh in looks) in that he is volatile, expressive, verbal, perfectionist unsporty, and intensely curious and I find that difficult to deal with. Dh obviously finds this sort of temprement attractive as he married me but two of us in the house does leade to sparks sometimes

I had a dream of an easygoing, sporty, cheerful child and much as I love ds and really don't want him to be any different I do have to work hard to let go of my 'dream' child

I think a lot of this is to do with ds being my only (and secondary infertility makes it look like it will stay this way) so there is often no space to just 'let him be' and not overanalyse his moods and behaviours.

Oh definitely florence. If I had a Kalms for every time people say about dd, "ah, but she's such a character" I'd be a very happy woman indeed.
I do hope ds manages to mend his ways in time for the show. I heard reports of a delinquent bunny being plucked from Santa's sleigh after too much bouncing in the dress rehearsal, but she was reinstated for the day itself and on model behaviour (ish). I think most teachers would make that sanction a last resort (and in our house it would be dh making Cassandra-like utterances in this situation too, it doesn't help does it)

lol Dinosaur - there seem to be a lot of them around - thank goodness!

Lazycow I couldn't have put it better. All those things are true of ds and I both.
Funnily enough as a child, I was placid and conformist. Bright too but essentially very easy, I'm told.
Maybe it's just childrearing fashion that brings all this out so early in ds...

Thank you all for saying such nice things.
It does make a difference you know.

I agree with Lazycow - everyone I know finds it easier to get to morning sessions at nursery - you get your child out of the door straight after breakfast, before they get absorbed in pottering about at home and don't want to go.

Any chance you could swap to morning nursery?

Message withdrawn

Danae - she's easy to feed, like a goat, she'll eat anything' and the

'looney extra from a Jackie Chan movie' image

am lol at both of those '

You know what Prunie, I too was an easy placid child, compared to my sisters BUT if I question my mother carefully it is clear that as a toddler I was anything but placid. The being an 'easy' child came from about school age onwards.

I do not remember being particularly happy as a child. My parents were as good parents as they could be, but they were most definitely not very emotionally aware and emotional manipulation was something my mother did a lot of.

I think I was particulaly sensitive to my mother's moods and so by the time I was school age I had gone down the 'good child' route rather than the 'bad child/rebel' route that my younger sister had.

Neither I nor my younger sister however had much space to just be who we were and it was only as an adult that I can see I am not 'calm' and 'quiet' despite my family seeing me in this way.

That 'calm' and 'placid' front was something I used as a barrier to protect myself in a loving but emotionally chaotic family.

No I was placid from the get-go
I remember being older and feeling huge surges of anger, though (hormonal, no doubt!)
My mother treated us like squaddies, though she was fairly loving as well. She does not take any dissent and was still trying it on until I was about 21 (when she spoke to me in 'that way' for having my elbows on the table ).
I have tried it out of frustration with ds and it simply does not work - and remembering what it's like to be spoken to like a piece of squaddie shit, I don't want to be like that anyway.

Better day today thank you
Also found "My Naughty Little Sister" for 20p in charity shop and read a few stories to ds on the bus - watching his face was hilarious!