Assertive behaviour/Assertiveness

[jamast]

RANT TIME!!!!
Can we please have a go at being assertive when disagreeing with someone's message. A friend of mine recently joined MN and now refuses to join the talk section or post any messages because of the way another MS responded. It took a lot for her to get involved and it may sound trivial to MNers, but for her, any form of communication with people she doesn't know, is massive.
It's really easy, If you disagree with what someone else has said, feel free to say it, but please try and be positive and constructive. For example; try not to pick out a specific phrase, try something like "that's a valid point, however ..." or "I'd never thought of it that way, I think..." etc, etc, etc. Or don't even mention what you disagree with - we are all entitled to our own viewpoints and opinions, and should value other peoples contributions.
Please don't anyone get sarcastic or think that this is petty. We don't know what other MNers reactions are going to be if we single them out.

Ooer Jamast, I think everyone is afraid of posting on this thread incase they are the one that has upset your friend! I can understand why you and your friend are distressed. I think we have all upset someone at some time, hopefully unintentionally (although I do wonder occasionally...) and have been upset in return. Sometimes when a comment is made, it is hard to judge the manner in that it was made, as we do not have the benefit of seeing facial expressions and body language. With that in mind, it is wise to think carefully before posting so as not to inadvertently (or otherwise) cause upset or offence. And I do agree with you, there is a way to disagree without being disagreeable. I hope your friend can bring herself to come back to MN. There are so many lovely, helpful people on here that she will find a lot of support and make many friends. And I hope you are feeling a little less upset. x

Jamat, that's a valid point. But are you sure assertive is really the word you're looking for? It sounds like you're asking us to be kinder and more respectful when responding to a post - is that right? In that case I agree with you - I think we should try and respond as we would to someone we disagree with in real life face to face.

I hope it wasn't me that offended your friend...

Hear hear KATG.

Doubt it was you - can't imagine you offending anyone .

Me on the other hand, my mouth is too fast for my brain sometimes

Nah, don't know who it was, something to do with breastfeeding (I think). Wouldn't worry about it - just thought it was worth a mention.

KATG - like your point about responding to someone as we would in real life. And yes, I do mean assertive. For me, being assertive is not just about getting what we want, it's about a win-win situation, where both sides of a dsicussion comes away feeling that the process was useful.

I guess my understanding of the word assertive is different for yours then.

Joash, are you also jamast?

Yeah, changed it cause yesterday I let slip to someone what name I used on MN. Then couldn't get on earlier - MN kept saying it didn't recognise me, so came back as jamast then changed it back to joash.