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amazing how easily being snubbed by a fellow mum gets me down

20 replies

MissChief · 04/12/2007 17:19

..need to be stronger, without going into all details, just got the brush-off again from another mum, one I'[ve been friendly with though don't especially like. As we have kids in the same class we have to rub along though and she's interesting enough. She likes to play it cool though and is the type to dump a conversation midway thro if someone more interesting comes along. I'm pathetically sensitive to this - hate it - and although I don't seem shy *(can brazen it out at the time) I actually am quite introverted and find all the playground crap, tiring and a battle I don't want to enter. meanwhile though, i don't seem to be making any proper firends here, even after 1 yr. This particular woman has only been here 3 months and yet already seems to be popular/. I rarely do the sch run, thank god , which doesn't help in tmers of getitng to know people;. God this is a pathetic ramble, doubt you've read this far, but if so, my apologies, just had to get it off my chesT! I've got friends enough, some v good ones, just none anywehre near where I now live!

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3Dmincepie · 04/12/2007 17:24

Have you only got your dc at the school? Is there any out of school activities that you could do (dance class etc) may get to see a few Mum's around that way... It's not nice being snubbed.

MissChief · 04/12/2007 17:25

god, excuse my appalling punctuation, spelling & grammar, feeling rather fragile. I've been battling depression and have been feeling much stronger. I wish I wasn't such a wuss in these cirs though and could not be affected by such trivia. Problem is I end up a) blaming myslef- looking at other mums pairing up to go off for a drink etc
b) thinking i'm neve going to get good freinds locally#

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ChescapeRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 04/12/2007 17:26

Don't forget, some women make it an absolute
MISSION to be noticed/network be popular etc. These types waste a bundle of energy aking fake friendships to boost their clearly fragile self.
You are one of the nice, noral people, which is why ou are hurt when she snubs you. who wouldn't be? - its downright rude - decent people don't do it.
Be thankful you're not like her!

MissChief · 04/12/2007 17:29

thanks, 3d. I've got 2 dcs and they do a couple of out-of-school things. I know enough mums to say hello to, it's all the game-playing there seems to be here about who talks first, who is invited where etce etc. Pathetic sounding I know, i don't know why I'm finding it so hard. I'm not a natural extrovert for one and have to fake confidence (which i'm sure some poeple can sniff this out!) and I also tend not particularly to go with the in-crowd. I like being the observer with several different types of friends depending on mood & cirs. I'm also one of v few p/t working mums here

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MissChief · 04/12/2007 17:33

thank you kindly, that's the nicest thing I've heard all day!
It's amazing though how being genuine seems to matter less than networking/being Mrs Popular. Why?? How old are we all FGS? Most of the ex-professional mums in this particular class seem to be like this, I feel outnumbered as well as confused as to how it doesn't seeem to matter how decent/interesting/friendly one is, but how goood your small-talk/connecitons are.

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FioFio · 04/12/2007 17:35

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FioFio · 04/12/2007 17:36

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MissChief · 04/12/2007 17:38

thanks, fio, yes, it does! Whjat do you then, any killer techniques?

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FioFio · 04/12/2007 17:40

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HarkTheHassledAngelsSing · 04/12/2007 17:40

You're not alone in being snubbed by other mothers - I've certainly had this for no reason I can really fathom. And there are always the mothers who know everyone and "network". It is exhausting and demoralising, and like being back at school yourself sometimes.

Some people see them as the work of the devil, but I made some very good friends when I joined the PTA - you have more time to actually chat to people. And it gets you out of the house in the evenings for a glass of wine with usually nice, like-minded people. Do you have the time for something like that?

ShakeysGirl · 04/12/2007 17:47

I've been going up and down to the same school for 3 years now but have still never been invited anywhere or made any friends although there is a couple of people who will say a quick hello. The only time it gets to me is when ds doesn't get invited to parties because its usually the kids of the cliquey mums that get the invites. The playground gossip is great tho, one of the mums was barred from the premises last week, makes me glad to not be part of the childish games that go on.

ShakeysGirl · 04/12/2007 17:52

I sound really stuck up now i'm not honestly, i just haven't the energy or the inclination to involve myself in playground politics. I heard today that one of the mums is apparently sleeping with my partner. The evidence? She has a couple of photos of him on her phone. The reason? He did a strip tease for charity and she was there ~ as was i!! Big kids the lot of them.

SpikeandDru · 04/12/2007 17:53

Thank goodness I am not alone. DS is in reception so I am new to all this school stuff. Some Mums are friendly and I chat to a few in the playground. One Mum though barely acknowledges me and gives me the brush off every time. No idea what I might have done to offend her. I don't get involved in any playground disputes - am always friendly and say hello but she barely manages a smile in response and NEVER acknowledges me unless I say talk to her (all I say is "Hello" and "how are you" - never get beyond that as she just doesn't seem to like me).
Have invited her DD to DS party this month (DS listed her DD as one of his friends) but so far there has been no response.

NAB3littlemonkeys · 04/12/2007 17:57

If you don't like her, don't be bothered what she thinks. It is hard to make friends.

MissChief · 04/12/2007 17:58

yes, there seem to be a few of us, dissenting voices of reason?? I know it should be just a matter of being friendly, not bothering if others are not, breezing in & out, ignoring silliness etc etc. I just find it hard sometimes to do this.

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MissChief · 04/12/2007 17:59

i don't honestly think it is hard for everyone, certinaly not in all circumstances. Some seem to breeze confidently along, saying all the right things, I'm not so accomplished.

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SpikeandDru · 04/12/2007 18:00

Have to say that while I wonder what I have done to offend this other Mum I am not obsessing about it. No time to worry to be honest.

MissChief · 04/12/2007 18:03

you've probably done nothing. Bet she was having a hard day, didn't have her contacts in, lacks social skills etc etc. I know, easy to brush away when it's someone else's situation!

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dragonstitcher · 05/12/2007 16:16

Sorry, no advice, I'm just happy that I'm not the only one this happens to. I hate playground politics.

binklebells · 05/12/2007 16:23

I dont understand why if you dont particularly like her why it bothers you?

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