I can't do this anymore

[Tootoomuch]

It's all too much.

I have friends all round me needing a piece of me - help with various things, needing support. I have a house that I need to sort for Christmas. I have no idea what presents we have and don't have. Work piling up.

I haven't even done DD's hair yet and we need to leave for school.

Everything I planned to do today I can't because my friend is cracking up and needs me there.

But no-one seems to see that I can't do it all.

If I don't though, who will?

You need at least a night off. Can you set a cut off point today - say 5pm? - and tell your friend that you have an important piece of work to do this evening and won't be available after 5pm. Then put your DD to bed early, have a long hot bath, a glass of wine, a proper relax. Then when you're feeling a bit more chilled, get out your notepad and open and brainstorm all the things you think you 'need to sort out' and prioritise them.

In the longer term, it sound slike you need to claw back some time for yourself. You are not a task machine. You need time to relax, reflect, sort your own head out. Time to build that into your life, I say!

Re: Xmas - remember, it is supposed to be a) fun and b) about family time and giving thanks. Don't get caught up in the hype about piles of presents and putting on a Super Woman act.

Hope you feel better soon x

pen not 'open'. My typing is shite.

sorry you're having a bad day. I get like that. 4 kids, one severely disabled. Every day I get piles of letters for appointments for dd, things I have to fill in like statements or applications to get a charity to fund something, endless phone calls to social services. Plus dealing with the non-disabled kids. Then cooking and cleaning, other friends with disabled kids falling apart so I go over and have a cup of tea an calm them down. But I feel like no-one ever does it for me
House is a mess, piles of unopenend letters, lost checkbook from Direct Payments account which I must find, today dd has to go the hospital for a splinting clinic but theres no food in the house and I wont get time. ds1 will arrive home from school and need his PE kit washed.
And haven't even thought about Xmas. Come over all panicky just thinking about it.
Plus my mum is being made homeless so I've been filling in housing forms, calling the housing dept, Age Concern etc etc

That hideous panicky feeling is awful isn't it.
I don't know the answer. Yesterday I went to bed at 8pm all tearful but its all still here!

Sometimes...just sometimes...one has to be selfish and put oneself first. It is very hard.

Does your friend really need you all day? A couple of hours perhaps and then can you go home and make lists.

Lists are brilliant as they clear your mind helping you to think and then you can cross things off as they get done.

Start by doing the slightly quicker easier things - internet ordering, ordering turkey, putting out the rubbish and then work up to the harder stuff...

The present thing is a nightmare I agree. Get everything out and then stick labels on - and make a list (or even a spreadsheet if you are feeling clever!)

I feel like this sometimes too

and then I realise that I have selfish motivations for being the person who people 'need' ... it makes me feel good about myself, it makes me feel like I'm doing something that is of value .. however some days, and just occasionally it all gets on top of me and I forget how good it makes me feel.

What I do then is continue to do what I've promised but block out a couple of days where I am just not available, I occasionally force myself (this doesn't come easy) to ask a favour of a friend on the premise that it makes them feel good to help me out too .. I make this an easy favour normally though, one that I know will help equalise our relationship

I hope that has a resonance and I hope it helps .. I just try to think to myself "remember that you are the type of person you are not because you are a modern-day saint but because you thrive on making things better for other people you care about and that is the best feeling in the world"

One day I want people to notice how desperate I am and do stuff for me but it never happens. Feel a bit resentful aboout that sometimes.

That was really nice Twig - I seem to have lost getting any good feeling from it and just feel bogged down atm

I'm going to head over to my friend's after lunch and stay for a couple of hours.

I know what you mean NMC - whenever I think that things might have calmed enough for it to be my turn for support, someone else has a more important need so I am still left with nothing and end up resentful.

At the moment the house is so much of a state we will not have anywhere to eat a Christmas dinner, and I have no idea where we are going to put all of the sh*t that needs moving.

I don't think I will be able to do a cut off tonight, because once the kids are settled I will need to do all the things I can't do with them awake.

Just feeling sorry for myself I think

You are not just feeling sorry for yourself Tootoomuch (also needmorecoffee).
You have both got a hell of a lot n your plates.

Twigs summary is is spot on. Block out some time for yourself - if you fall over you will be no use to anyone.

Write lists and make a PLAN - you will feel instantly more in control.

Keep smiling both of you - you are such lovely and capable people that is why you are needed so much

tootoomuch, you're a very courageous lady & I know the help you have been giving to more than one RL friend.

Also the support you have been over the past few days to an online friend who is too far away to help the RL friend.

I want to ask you something, I want you to look after yourself. I want you to tell the friend that much as you support her (And we know you do)you want & need time to be part of your family, with you dh & the kids. You need to start looking after yourself as much as you can, stop letting other suck the life out of you.

You know that one of the people has some support & chances are she won't open up to you anyway She won't open up to anyone.

You need to take time for yourself & then when you feel better, maybe you will have some left for others xxxx

I don't actually know what you've been going through I'm afraid tootoomuch but I'm glad that you liked what I said .. I do think you need to just block a few days out .. let people know that you've got loads on on Monday and Tuesday and won't be around

The day improved, my friend was much better than I expected, the time there was relaxing. I am trying to put the house into perspective - it will be tidy, it doesn't need to be TODAY.

I will block out Monday and Tuesday

Feeding DC and then going shopping for ME

glad you're feeling better.

Glad it went well. Hopefully you'll be sorted by the shopping trip

positive vibes comming your way and a {hug}....I feel like this a lot too... life is bloody hard at times.
Hope you feel better soon
I also hope your friends realise what a great friend you are and return the favour one day.
Hope the shopping trip went well

Shopping went well

Arse

....
Glad the shopping went well Flamey...
(don't be life is shit for the best of us some of the time )
xx