Need someone to talk to

[trapped12345]

Name changed for this. I just need someone to talk to and this is the best place. You don't even need to continue reading! Lucky you

There have been some family problems and DH just dropped the bomb that there's a very good chance we're never getting our own house and will be living at my inlaws house forever. (FIL may be leaving)

I want to scream right now.

We moved back to the UK after a (most wonderful) stint in another country and have been living here with 2, then 3 kids. To say that it hasn't been the best situation is a little understatement. I am entirely grateful for having a nice house, don't get me wrong. But I crave my space. even raising the kids.... it hasn't been quite the way I wanted to do it......

I am a private person, I feel uncomfortable doing certain things in front of other people, I feel super judged. For example I don't like speaking on the phone in front of people I know.... other things as well I need my space.

MIL follows a very minimalist decor. And I have to bend over backwards to make the kids and their stuff the less invasive as possible. MIL hates bookshelves for example. So far we kept the kids' books in a box. But with them growing up they need something more.... I need desperately to have a calendar and a to do list on the door of the fridge but I wouldn't dare to have such a thing. And not having that leads to being more disoriented and disorganised.

MIL is also .... sceptical is not the word. But does the bare minimum that the coundil demands in terms of recycling. I on the other hand have my eyes a bit more open for the impact of things on mother earth. We don't even have a bag to recycle the nespresso capsules!!! Because it was a hassle..... I can't control these things...... it's not MY house, MY space!!

There's more.... so much more..... little things, I know. Insignificant in the scheme of things, Inknow. Some people are homeless, I know! I said I am grateful for it but I really wished I could have our family space......

We have money for a deposit btw! We didn't use it because of freaking Brexit! And now DH doesn't want to leave MIL living alone.

I want to cry and I can't even do that

Why does your husband think he gets the final say in where u live?

Why is it your DH’s sole decision? Have you told him how you feel ? With the greatest respect if your MIL and her husband separate it is not your job to keep her company . Of course you would help her but you have your own family to look after and your children need to be able to relax . You need your own space. I have recently separated and though I love my adult children and they would help in anyway they can I have to build my own life .

You need to go outside the home somewhere with your DH, tell him how unhappy HE is making you and that you need your own family home for your own family.

We are from a different religion and DH feels very responsible for his parents.

His mother has recently lost the last person in her close family and is alone except for us and her husband.

In an ideal scenario we would live in the same street, close but separate. However money has become a complicated thing.... there is a family business involved and what not. God knows what will happen. (Hopefully nothing! And that would give us more freedom )

There is an option to make an extension to the house and create a small extra selfcontained house.