Help pls re death of relative

[Empress]

Can anyone give me any advice on how to deal with telling a child (just turned 4 yrs)about death?. an auntie has died, who my daughter visited frequently, and liked a lot, the funeral is next week. we wont be taking her to the service, but wd like her to come to the 'do' afterwards. but we'll have to tell her something about where auntie has gone. pls anyone, any personal advice, or any websites that might have info on how to explain death without giving her more information than she can deal with emotionally at her age?

Have a look here for some tips which may be helpful.

My niece was maybe about 4 when my grandmother died and she was worried that she'd done something wrong which was why Grandma Fluff didn't want to see her anymore.
,this Google search came up with a number of websites.

Good luck and you have my sympathy for your loss

My DD1 was just over 7 years old where my dad died and, although she found it hard to come to terms with as it was very sudden - my dad at work one day, dead with heart attack the next - she had come across animals dying before so did understand the finality of it.

Neither of my children (had two at the time) came to the funeral, nor to the "do" afterwards. DD went to school as normal and DS to playgroup and then a friend of mine had DS after playgroup. DD came to my mum's house after school when there were just a few people left.

When I explained to my DS about his grandad, we decided that the Evening Star (Venus) was his grandad twinkling in the sky and, because you can see Venus from all over the world, even when we are on holiday my DS can still say goodnight to his grandad.

Both my two eldest children (baby too young) enjoy going to the cemetary and placing flowers on my dad's grave. In a way, I think they like choosing the flowers we are going to put down and they feel they are doing something for grandad in making his grave look so lovely.

Dear Empress,
I am very sorry to hear about your aunt. I know of a brilliant little book to help your little girl, its called Water Bugs and Dragonflies by Doris Stickney. I came across it quite by accident after my own son died. I have since bought it several times to pass on to others. I usually buy mine from my local christian book shop, its about £1.50p. If you have any trouble getting a copy please let me know and I will happily send you one.

Empress
So sorry to her about your auntie. There is a book which school recommended when we lost my mil but unfortunately I can't remember the name, I'll find out tomorrow. Try to explain what has happened, she probably is too young to understand too much, but try to answer any questions she has.
I spoke to Winstons Wish when our mil died, they are a Charity who help children who have lost a parent, and they advised in the case of my son who was 5 that it was best to let him go to the service, burial whatever. He wanted to see his nanny in the chapel of rest and we let him (I did have my reservations) and he came to the service and the wake and although he misses her he has come to terms with it very well.Also afterwards I kept mentioning Annie and we took flowers to the grave as well.

sincere thanks to everyone. and, 'triplets' how truly awful that your son died, i cannot begin to imagine the level of suffering that must bring.

Thank you Empress,
Yes, it is something that you can never get over, every day you live with it. I have a copy of the book here if you would like it. you can e-mail me with your address if you want it.
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Anne.