Couldnt' decide to put this in Parenting, Education, SN, Pregnancy etc... but had to come here to share the wierdest incident....

[kiskidee]

A friend of mine has a friend who is pg and is on a feeding tube for medical reasons.

She was dropping her son off at reception and four dads approached her and asked her if she would mind either dropping her child off earlier or using a different entrance.

she went to the school to talk about their 'request' and she was told that it was a private matter and the school wouldn't be involved.

Does she have any idea why they have done this? The dads I mean.

wtf? Why does she have to drop off early or use the tradesmans entrance

How bizarre! Is it because they don't want their children seeing her feeding tube? Why wouldn't they just explain it to them? If they ahve a problem they should use a different entrance.

Has she only been on a feeeding tube since being pregnant or has she always been? Just trying to figure out if this has triggered the incident or not.

Has she only been on a feeeding tube since being pregnant or has she always been? Just trying to figure out if this has triggered the incident or not.

How strange. They will probably come out with some pathetic excuse about her scaring the children or something, if so

Poor woman - I can't believe people can be so rude.

Also wondering if the mums got the dads to confront her as they were too scared. It must have been very intimidating for her.

What? They objected to their children seeing someone with a feeding tube? How completely bonkers.
And not very supportive behaviour by the school, either

What a rude and unsuportive thing for them to do.

they should be ashamed of themselves.

I doubt that she is feeling that good about the feeding tube as it is, without people deawing attention to it in such a negative way.

Whatever next? Blind people round the back?

how odd

i can only imagine that some parents do not want their children to see her with the feeding tube

so want to ostracise her instead rather than explaining to their children what it is

i wonder if they would ask parents in wheelchairs to do the same?

i hope she will continue to use the main entrance, with her head held high

Sometimes I despair of human nature - I really do

i was feeling very angry when my friend was describing this to me and wished this was happening near enough to me to go and confront these arseholes myself - and i don't even know this woman.

the only response these men really needed was 'go fuck yourselves' if it was me they said it to. entirely unhelpful but all they need to hear but then again, it is the pack mentality who seem to find the weakest of the herd to attack, isn't it.

i told my friend she ought to write the incident down in a letter and give it to the parent's rep on the board of govs and copy it to the LEA, also of course saying waht the school told her.

It took place on the school premisis? Then the school should be involved.

This is dreadful, I cannot comprehend any person singling out someone 'different' in this way. Those parents should be very ashamed of themselves.

Perhaps the parents who object should use the back entrance.

Is the feeding tube in nose or neck? If neck can she wear a scarf until aggro dies down? I know she shouldn't have to, but trying to think of ways to help.

Perhaps she could ask to go in and speak to the reception children and explain that she is 'poorly' and the tube makes her feel better. I think Reception are old enough to accept a simple explaination - often the worry and (parental) ignorance is worse than the info.

I can't understand why the school think it's a private matter - here are these parents, telling another parent not to use the same school entrance as them.

As for the dads' reactions

Playing devil's advocate I don't suppose they saw a health and safety risk for your pg friend with feeding tube being pushed around in a crowded, busy school entrance?

Oh poor poor woman - she should tell them to go f themselves but no doubt she's feeling vulnerable enough atm.

When ds1 was just dx'd with SN (before it was in writing though), a group of Mums at the aschool got up a petition to have him removed from school (as far as I am aware there was no incident prior to this as a cause). I only found out from a good mate who warned me. It was one of the most horrid moments of my life, breaking down in trears (and I confronted teachers in front of the Mums- who hadnt yet presented petition and backed off rapidly). Firtunately we'd alreadya rrnaged to move far away, but I can imagine some of how this aldy feels and I send her hugs and best wishes. It IS the minority, but it is nonetheless apinful.

The school should offer practical support if possible - such as offer to let the mum park in the staff car park, if there is one (which is what the school I work at do for parents with medical problems) but what could they actually do about the mean-spirited parents? - if confronted they'd simply deny it, a note in the newsletter as well as being embarrassing for the mum would be ignored - what else could the school do?

Bollocks! Why on earth should Mum park in a different car park? The problem here is the intolerant arseholes, not the Mum!

the school i thought has an obligation to prevent discrimination on its premises, I thought. surely the respons the school gave this mum is entirely unsupportive and it indirectly colludes with the discrimination she is suffering.

How utterly utterly bizarrer.
If she is built of tough stuff maybe a good tactic would be just to laugh in their faces (often making stuff 'official' imbues it with an importance it neither merits nor needs).

If not,a word with governers deffo.

Who are these people???

I meant it should be offered as a matter of course to make it easier for her to get in, and so she wouldn't have the worry of finding a parking place, not to discriminate against her, or to hide her from the intolerant arseholes - as I say, at our school, it would have been offered even if there hadn't been a problem with other parents.

moony, this mum doesn't have the courage to stand up to these bullies. she has had some difficult physical and emotional experiences in the past and struggles with confronting people and standing her ground. she is now dropping off her child earlier to suit them. talk about making someone's already difficult life more difficult because of other people's ignorance.

Even if the parents denied the incident, they would be made aware that the school thought that their behaviour was unacceptable. Confronting somebody isn't always about getting them to admit to wrong doing, its also about giving them a message.

Can you advocate on her behalf then (with her permission?)
God,my blood boils thinking about it.

I don't think that people as intolerant & thick skinned as these obviously are would get any message - and the only result of confronting them would probably be to make life more difficult for the mum in question.

actually now that i am talking about it, i am actually thinking to offer through my friend, to write a letter to the board of govs on her behalf. I have no probs with writing a letter on her behalf as things like this need to be addressed. (I don't know this woman as I live in the NE and she is in the S. but she is a friend of a life long friend.)