Hi, Im basically after peoples opinions as outsiders about my mum and how to deal with her behaviour. To cut it as short as possible, ever since I had my first child my relationship with my mum has been strained. She has always had a clash in personality with me but it has only really come to light when I moved out and became a mum. She has always right from when my daughter was born, almost tried to take over my role and would always undermine me, my choices, take over doing things and if I ever said anything would always play like a victim role and go sulky and upset.she definitely treats her differently tho(she's her favourite) than my other 3. There is a whole book I could write but some examples are when my children go to hers at a weekend, she cooks the others their dinner but buys special things in or cooks special meals just for her. She will leave the others with my dad and take just my daughter to the park. She gives her pocket money and not the others and if she does it's more than the others get so we always spilt equally between them whatever is given to them. She babysits but doesn't listen to what I say and gets the kids up out of bed to give them ice-cream and chat and the biggest thing is she constantly slags me and my partner off to my daughter (now 12) and talks about personal things and quizzes her about private stuff in our house and life. She constantly wants praise for every little thing she does and is such a martyr, like a classic line from her is " what would you kids do without me and granddad" " we do everything for you" If she doesn't get her own way she sulks like a big baby,crys plays the victim. The most recent incident which will show you just how she is...my daughter has had £100 in birthday money, she can spend it however she likes but we agreed she would spend it wisely this time instead of blowing it on crap.lol. and wanted to go clothes shopping so iv saved it ready. My mum wanted her to buy a tennis racket to play at weekends with her, my daughter didn't want to so I just simply said she didn't want to, and she has gone in a mood with me, not spoken to me for the last week, is now refusing to babysit and using that as a weapon and has slagged me off to my daughter telling her what a controlling sulky mum I am! Another thing aswell, it's her birthday this weekend and she has almost made the plans without even asking us, but she wanted to have a picnic so we said yeah ok,but then we celebrated my 30th, my daughter's 12th 2 days after and it was then father's Day 2 days after that so we usually have a big celebration. We had booked a meal, asked them to come and offered to pay and they refused to come listing a whole bunch of excuses, so obviously I wasn't best impressed as it was my 30th and thought they would make the effort. We are working the weekend of her birthday so have said will have to rearrange and she has thrown a strop yet again and said well it's my day and if you can't change plans for that the you can all bugger off, even tho they didn't make any effort to come to mine. I'm sorry for rambling, there is so much to try to fit in to even scrape the tip of the iceberg with her but I don't know how to deal with her, I don't want to cut her off but I find her very difficult to deal with.