Am I over reacting or is the girl code broken?

[Oceane30]

So ladies, I recently discovered that my "friend" has been in touch with my ex. I was lead to believe he was in touch with her only, but as it transpires it's pretty mutual. They haven't met up (so I'm told) and it's more browsing each other's social media, which to be honest seems pretty pointless to me. Although we have been separated about 4 years, we have both moved on and in my book, and his; don't need to be in touch ever. I believe through the grapevine he is now married but again I'm not to sure and not really interested either way. It was a bad break up; he cheated, lied etc. Now here is the tricky part, that also happened to her too. If I'm honest, I'm totally disgusted she is in touch with my ex because my morals and principles mean my allegiance so to speak is with her first, therefore I would never speak to her ex husband.....ever! And certainly not behind her back. However she sees no harm in being "social media" friends with my ex and I feel this is a real lack of girl code, morals and principle.
Am I over reacting?

I don't think anyone can dictate who of their friendship group can or cannot see their ex, I mean What if they fall in love or were meant to be? In that case forget girl code that's just ridiculous. I'm your case, If you're over him, which it sounds like you are, you shouldn't really care either way and definitely can't dictate to your friends whether they can befriend him or not. Also, if she knows what he was like to you then more fool her and if you see it as her disregarding your feelings then back away from her, maybe she's not the person you thought she was. If my friend was cheated on by someone there's no way I'd seek him out... purely because I'd know he was a scumbag... so it's her error really but nothing you can do about it

Yes, you're over-reacting.

Why do you care ..

I don't know what 'girl code' means, but I think you're overreacting.

Thanks so much ladies, this really does help. I suspected I may have been over reacting and I'm definitely not dictating who she should and shouldn't be friends with. You hit the nail straight on the head, if I knew what someone was like, I would stay clear of that person because quite correctly they are a scum bag! I think that's been the frustrating part for me if I'm honest, she knows what he is like. Absolutely correct on the disregard for feelings too and yes distance is probably needed. Thank you!!!

I agree OP, it shows lack of loyalty. It seems rather pointless, she sounds like she is interested in him

My cousin follows my ex husband on social media and even though she has never met him and has never commented on his posts, I find it slightly odd.

What is the girl code? Are you 12? No you can’t dictate who she is friends with.

Also there are lots people around who make shit partners but are ok as distant social media friends/acquaintances

Definitely overreacting. I have no interest in having this much detail about what my friends get up to.

They aren't actually seeing each other though just social media flirting
It's a bit weird but no big deal

* It was a bad break up; he cheated, lied etc.*

YANBU. My friends would even dream of dating an ex that caused me so much pain.

Wouldn’t dream of it.

Honestly after four years why do you still care so deeply?

You’ve not moved on, if you had you’d not bat an eyelid at this,

You broke up 4 years ago, I’ve no further contact and you’ve both moved on. I think it’s a bit strong to care who contacts him or follows him on social media

urgh "ladies"?

girl code? WTF? grow up?

Your friend can do what she wants, but she sounds stupid going after a married known cheat and lier.

@drpet49

* It was a bad break up; he cheated, lied etc.*

YANBU. My friends would even dream of dating an ex that caused me so much pain.

She’s not dating him! She’s just following him on social media.

I don't know what the "girl code" is, but personally, I would not have contact with my friends' exes a)because it would be disloyal and b) because they are arseholes.

What a load of bollocks. Women can get with available men. You're not the boss of that.
"Girl code" my arse.

I wouldn't really care.
He's an ex, what does it matter?

Massive overreaction. What is this 'girl code' nonsense? And why isn't your friend allowed to even be in friendly contact with a man you haven't been with for 4 years? No poor morals or principles in evidence there at all imo.

Where they friends when you went together?

Can't believe these replies! No I'd never contact my friend's ex in that way. Don't know anyone who would think that's ok.