Do you still fancy your partner?

[hatefeelinglikethis]

I firstly want to state that i do love my dh very very much and it is for this reason that i am talking to you lot and not him as i know he would be so hurt. I appreciate that the lust can go but does the 'fancying' bit always go to? My dh says that he still fancies me and gets that butterfly feeling of 'corr fancy a bit of that!' and i feel dreadful that i don't feel the same back. He is overweight and when he sits on the sofa lazing around saying he's tired etc whilst pigging out on chocolate i just wish that he felt a need to be more attractive for me, rightly or wrongly that is how i feel and i know that i would never dream of letting myself go and always like to look nice for him but am getting increasingly annoyed that he doesn't seem to give a damn about how his appearance is for me. I have explained to him that sex can be a bit uncomfortable with the size difference (at least thought this would hit a nerve) but NO....nothing. Now and again he will go on a diet for a week or so and then treat himself to several fatty meals for being so good which makes me think that he isn't really that bothered. I don't want to spend married life wishing he looked different or was more like other people and desperately want to fancy him again or is that something that always vanishes? I don't feel i could tell him any of this for fear of hurting him but at the same time don't feel the same in return when he does the whole 'lets go upstairs' bit!! Advice please

This is a tricky one. I do still fancy dh, not in the lustful way I once did but I think just being parents can pour cold water on all that for a while, but we both do look pretty much the same as when we met, he has put on a bit of weight but he was stick thin when we met so it actually suits him. Im guessing when you met he was pretty trim..........how about putting the whole family on a health kick and try and do it from that angle rather than just him and try and get the whole family involved in buying healthier food and no treats........or get the wedding pictures out and reminise and perhaps gently mention how you both looked way back then. If you are posting this message it shows that something needs to be done.

Pepsi - He was overweight when i married him but his attitude was so much different, much more ommph and not happy with the way he looked and wanting to be thinner but just doesn't do anything about it. I guess i've changed and it's just beginning to grate a bit now, for eg we were out with friends having a 'snack' lunch and whilst we were all there with our sandwiches he sat there tucking into a huge pie and chips and then said he fancied a cake. I felt so embarrassed and also annoyed that he couldn't see that he's not of the 'physique' to eat like this, let alone the strain on heart etc He just doesn't seem to have that normal 'shut off' point that most other peoples brains have when it comes to over eating or simply eating the wrong food. He's quite happy to have a burger and chips for lunch and then suggest pizza in the evening! I'm fed up being his conscience and wish he could just take a bit more pride in himself.