If you have divorced parents, have you found it gets harder as you get older?

[PrunersOfEight]

I am finding this, alas.
My parents split up when I was nine and it wasn't really easy, but you know, you're a kid and you go along with it.
Well, I'm 35 now and I wish it were easier, but it isn't. The pressure to divvy up birthdays and Christmases and big events is never going to go away, is it?
They live close together so visits get competitive: I have to spend the same amount of time with each parent etc.
I've tried chatting to them about it, in vague terms. The result is that my dad now leaves any arrangements to us, and my mum has gone the other way and invites herself to stay with us, usually at the worst possible times.
I just want to have a quiet little adult .
There isn't really a way round this, is there? If only one of them would emigrate.

I have found the same thing and then when you start adding inlaws in to the mix it becomes so uncomfortable that you feel like not going to see any of them!

The only solution I have found is a strict rota based on weekends

one for us
one for mom
one for dad
one for in laws

it can be either sat or sunday but only weekends count if one of them takes the time out of their lives to come and see us during the week no jelousy from other parties will be listened too.

Considering it's family it seems really harsh but on the up side they all know months in advance which is their weekend, should they care to work it out, and you get no snide remarks from grown ups that need to grow up!

I got harder for me. I couldn't have a church wedding, too much hassle so had a register office with 2 witnesses, Christmas is a nightmare almost shoving one in the wardrobe if the other turns up, having Dad round this year, but mum might turn up or at least we have to go there, then off to the MIL. I said this year wasn't going to be like last year, but, alas it is already. My dad couldn't come to DSs 1st Birthday because we had the party at my mums, so one is always going to miss out. Grrr.

Gawd! I could have written that op, Pruners!
My parents divorced when I was 10 and until this march hadn't really had a decent (by this I mean no shouting/verbal abuse) conversation since! Graduation/my Wedding/Births of mys DS's, all were a nightmare! They both live 100 miles+ away and since I moved up here 8 years ago I have lost touch with old friends back home as the logistics of trying to keep everyone happy on visits home and then try and see mates meant I missed out. I have put my foot down and only have one party for the DS's.

If we can sell our house next year (x fingers) we will be moving to NZ so finally I may have solved the problem (altho month long visits from them and the PIL's do worry me!), albeit in a fairly drastic way!

We must be very civilised in our family.

We divorced when the girls were 14 and 19, neither of us remarried, although at different times, we have had 'friends'.

We attend functions together, have been on holiday together and remain on very good terms with our various in-laws.

Ex has, along with current lady friend stayed over the weekend following a family party.

Numerous people have commented on what a close family we all are.

God yes Pruners. We don't have the competitiveness, but otherwise the same. And then the inlaws as well .

I'm my Mum's only child (but not my Dad's) so then you add into that the guilt of wanting have Christmas just with my own little family... argh!

Thankfully Mum and Dad are quite civilised, and Mum and StepMum get along, so often we just all get together on Boxing Day.

Why is it divorced parents start acting like children?

I would do what I wanted and they would have to fit in tbh. It has been long enough!

Well, I have to say things worked out ok for me. My mum and dad divorced when I was 8, they tried to keep the nastiness away from me and I visted dad every weekend. When I was 17 I got became a bit of a rebel and mum and dad joined forces to try and get me to turn my ,ife back round. They became friends and it was great. It helped that my stepdad and dad got on vey well and my dads family have never said a bad words against my mum and still treat her like one of the family. My wedding was a great ,mix of mum and dads family, mum, dad and step dad were all involved in the plans and dad walked my down the aisle with my step dad and sister in front of us. My dad died 6 years ago and my last weekend with him was actually at mums house, all of us having sunday dinner together and playing cards afterwards.