Having real trouble with 4yr old

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Went to my sis house with my two ds, my nephew had my eldest on the floor and was kicking him and his friend was helping (they were laughing and calling him names such as wimp (strange as my nephew is the biggest wimp out, but then bullies usually are) I was really shocked and horrified about my youngest ds who had seen this happening and instead of helping, he layed into his own brother?!!! I don't really care about the other two, they are bullies, and as far as I am concerned will go nowhere in life, but i was really angry, upset and very disappointed with my other ds. What was really sad was I looked at him (well glared) and he burst into tears (real tears) but the other boy grinned at me (god I was this close to slapping him) and my nephew just kept saying he didn't do it. The other boys mother took him aside and told him off (but it wasn't a real telling off) I was livid! My sis rang me about an hour after we got home and whispered that she was sorry and that her son wasn't going to get any pudding all week (WHAT!?) I bit my tongue (again) but did say that my ds wasn't happy.

Sorry just needed to rant, any advice would really help.

speechless really. Perhaps they are all too young to understand fully what they were doing? Maybe don't show anger but pity towards them for their behaviour and explain to your own what happened was so wrong etc etc. Possible your sis can't cope? Sorry really sorry can't offer any useful advice just really feel for your poor ds.

How awful for you and your ds1. I hope he's feeling better now. If ds2's only 4, maybe he thought it was just a 'playfight'? Have you talked it over with both boys?

I sometimes think that she actually doesn't really care for him that much, she will leave him with his dad (who's a bully too) as much as poss. The thing that got me is that my ds (who's nearly 7) would never do that, he's no angel but he would never gang up on anyone, especially not family! Just worried about my youngest being easily led.

How dreadful for you (and your son). I think children that young (and even older) feel they should go along with the majority - peer pressure, without realising the seriousness of what they are doing. He is very young, and the fact that he burst into tears shows that he realised what he had done was wrong. Shocked at the lack of discipline given by the other parents though - it probably wont be the last time they do this to some poor other child. xx

I think my youngest is easily led and he does tend to stick up for himself, I really told him off, I do not think I have ever been so angry, I'm not really sure what he was thinking but he was sorry, it took me a while to bring myself to speak to him though. What was most upsetting was seeing my ds cry like that, he doesn't cry that often, but he just kept saying that they were laughing at him and then kicking him some more! I really do not like my nephew, he has always been quite difficult and can be nasty and jealous, does that sound bad of me though?

Not atall!!! It is only natural to feel protective of your son, and I would be extremely upset and angry if it had happened to my child. I think it is the fact that they showed absolutely no remorse that is the most worrying fact - I think I would give them a wide berth.

Thats the sad thing we see them less and less nowadays, and I was thinking of not going to my parents for xmas this yr, because they are always there, now I am definately not! Not fair though my kids adore their grandparents and have a much closer relationship with them that my nephew, he seems to always be a pain when he is there, but I can't do it this year as her dh is a nasty piece of work aswell.

Oh, it's such a shame that you have to miss out on seeing your parents - why should you and your children have to suffer? Grrr! Perhaps your sister will see them for what they are one day, and realise that others are having less to do with them because of the children. Was actually wondering if her lack of dealing with it may be due to a little jealousy on her part? She possibly knows that your parents are closer to your children than hers. Just a thought.... Hope your sons are ok now.xx

Maybe a bit of jealousy, she found it a big shock when she had her ds, whereas I found it hard work (same as most) but enjoyed it and so had another, she always has been easier on him because he is an only child (who's faults that?!) and I have always been quite strict with mine. My ds is fine now thanks, but they have gone back to school today and i am worried ds2 will get into trouble as he has been in the playground since he started in sept, yet he is a good boy in class and plays well with kids his own age? I sometimes think maybe i worry and go on at them too much, but i can't help it.