NCT groups

[Mog]

There seem to be a few NCT mums here so I wondered what people's experiences were of what happened after the classes finished. How long did you continue to meet after the babies were born? Did you stay bonded or drift apart as the babies grew? Where did you meet when that many toddlers in a house becomes chaotic?

Hi Mog, I run Bumps and Babes for our local NCT branch. As most people don't get into classes as we don't have a local teacher, we invite ladies to Bumps and Babes as soon as they feel ready to get out and about.

We are a small branch (50-ish) and yesterday 11 ladies came with new babies. It was brilliant. We have made up 3 new coffee groups (some of them want 2 coffee groups) so they can meet in their own homes and at their own pace.

Hopefully they'll all make some really good friends but all they have in common at the moment is a new baby, so we'll have to see!

Our NCT Class Of 2000 is still firmly in touch. We meet up regularly for play sessions, etc. Every year, we have a single birthday party for all the kids (they're only about three or four weeks apart max). We're all still great friends and it's been fantastic for general solidarity. But - yeah - the big meet-ups are getting increasingly chaotic as the 'babies' grow up.

My "Class of '99" still meet up. We started with 7 couples, 'lost' 2 fairly early on but the remaining 5 get on really well.

We have a joint birthday party, a christmas party, fireworks night and a summer BBQ. The SAHMs (plus 1 nanny) meet at a Play Barn every Friday morning too.

It's pretty chaotic when 5 3 year olds and 4 assorted siblings are all in the same house but it's been fun.

I also have a good friend I met through NCT post natal support plus one non NCT one I met through her when I joined her mother and toddler group. All in all, it's been pretty good.

I suppose I posted this because I think that our group which met once a week for the first year is flagging. Should we put energy into keeping it going or is other people's experience that they sort of fizzle out anyway as children and life take over?

Our group was NHS but 6 of us got on well & did meet fairly regularly for the first year, about every 2 weeks - it does get more difficult once they are 'toddlers' - 5 or 6 lively kids in your house is not my idea of fun - but some of the other mums are much more relaxed about it! Good to meet at a neutral place, ie: playbarn, park etc.

However, I do find that I now have lots more interests than 'babies' & want to get out & about more with different people or just do different things but it is apparent that some of the group don't have a lot of other interests or friends(sorry, that sounds patronising, but you know what I mean) & do like to meet a lot more often; so it's a difficult dilema, I don't want to be 'mean' - but once a month would be enough for me, & I keep finding myself 'avoiding' the get-togethers & then feeling guilty.

Our group is probably unusual in that we still meet weekly after 4 years, taking it in turns to host. None of us are actually NCT members but we all met through the local NCT Bumps & Babies co-ordinator and all got on well. Most of us don't work but those that work part-time fit it around the weekly group. There are usually between 4 and 6 of us, 4 of whom have had second children so it can get very hectic with five 3/4 year olds and four 1/2 year olds running about. It's fine in summer as everyone's in the garden and the older ones usually play upstairs for a while anyway.
2 or 3 of us also meet up on at least one other weekly occasion to go to the park/One O'Clock Club/someone's house. We have become close friends and also try to have a girls' night out every few months. One of the great advantages is that we all babysit for each other, no money involved and as all the children know all the mums it works well. It's also been great for my eldest son to have grown up with a close group of friends (all boys, 9 out of the 10 children are boys!).
I must admit I was very cynical when pregnant about such groups and only reluctantly went along when my first child was 2 months old. I now feel parenthood would have been a lot lonelier for me without it. I know as my children start playgroup/nursery I'm meeting other people which is good, but for me it's been invaluable to have continued the Bumps & Babies group for so long. However, if you're not close friends I can see there would be a lot less incentive to continue.

Mog,

Our ex NCT group(6 members now with 13 kids between us, b. 1998-2002) still meets occasionally although that has become more difficult and less frequent epecially over the past year or so. The elder kids are now starting school, schedules conflict, and now 2 of us have moved completely out of the area. One who did move away, moved back not too far away and still meets the remaining others occasionally. We've even managed to meet up on our whistle stop visits back to the UK.

We originally met in each others homes on a rota basis but, as others have said, once they become toddlers and there are siblings in tow things become too chaotic and the venue changed to an indoor Soft play area or a park weather permitting.

I think that we will continue to remain in contact although I am only in regular direct contact with one, via email, who circulates the news on our behalf. I think that we do share a common experience and have been grateful for the mutual support which belonging to a group has brought. It would be nice to think that we will keep in touch in the future but to be realistic things move on and the children will develop different circles of friends unless they all go to school together.

I would think it is worth persevering, especially if you are a group of first time parents, as things will change when some siblings appear and you may all be grateful again for 1st hand advice at this point. I too felt ours flagged for a while but I think you have to be prepared for this and not expect to see everyone at once. I remember that after the first year or so there were other activities available and some of the group returned to work which meant that those occasions when everyone could make it became more exceptional. Perhaps a few will lose interest all together, and maybe the group will naturally wind down in the end, but I'm sure within it there are some who you perhaps have more in common with and you could arrange to see separately if need be.

Good luck,

LizS

Message withdrawn

The nct branch I go to don't have bumps and babes but have weekly coffee mornings along wioth the occasional mums night in and mums night out. I didn't live in this area when pg and didn't attend the classes but the open house mornings are a great way to meet friends.

Fionn are we in the same group!!!!!

Ours has also met every week since 1998. 6 of us meet regularly plus we see 4 others who went back to work for BBQs, girls nights out etc. We all babysit for each other, and there are now 5 siblings, all between 16 and 22 months.

It can be chaos when we meet, but the older ones tend to play upstairs and the little ones also try to play away from the grown ups! If the weather's nice we might meet in a park or farm - we even went to Legoland, but usually someone's back garden suffices!

Once the older ones start school we intend to continue to meet, probably for lunch so we have time to do the school pick up, but will also make sure we meet after school once or twice a term, and also in holidays so the older ones can continue to be friends. As they are all best friends it seems a shame for them to lose touch.

Another group I see each week hasn't gelled in the same way, and may well fizzle out, but I think we are all keen to go on for a bit longer just to have something to do! Actually one of these mums has a 10 year old and her antenatal group still have girls nights out 10 years on.

I think it's worth carrying on if you can Mog. Are there activites you could do with some of them - baby gym or something like that, or a mother and baby group so if it does fizzle there are other things you can do?

Fionn, your group sounds like mine. We've met up once a week since 1998, taking it in turns at one anothers houses, and have a babysitting circle. Ds is now at school with some children he has known since he was a tiny baby, which has been a real plus. Everyone in our group now has 2 (and some 3) children - the Xmas party with partners and all the kids is always a bit of a squash (I get it this year because I've gone from having the smallest house to having the biggest). The group have been very supportive and I think we're all glad we've carried on meeting.