Hi everyone, I'm new here and basically I don't know where to go for advice. Be warned this is a long post to give some background and what is happening right now.
I think my marriage is on its last legs and I don't know what to do. My husband and I have been together for almost 7 years, married for 4. I have 3 children from a previous relationship and we have one together. Our relationship has always been a bit 'fiery' for want of a better word, looking back, the first couple of years were pretty toxic but definitely got better. We have been through a lot together and I have always felt like it would take something world ending to break us, but now I'm not so sure.
He has lied to me in the past about several things, all of which I have forgiven him for. It is mainly down to money, we aren't exactly comfortable and he hasn't really worked since we have been together for medical reasons. I have always worked and looked after us financially, holding down 2 jobs while he is a stay at home dad. The problem is, he will happily spend money on beer/scratchcards/crap daily, while I am stressing about school trips/bills/food on the table and fixing the hole in the kitchen we have had for almost 6 months. I have bailed him out of debts accumulated before we got together, whilst still paying my own from when I was younger.
His mum passed in November last year and since then it has got so much worse. He drinks too much ( between 4 and 8 cans a day) and I have had to cut the hours on my second job to be at home more with the kids.
I have always been a bit paranoid about him lying to me and believe that you have to be honest in a relationship for it to work.
He has started to work more since the beginning of the year, and for the last 4 weeks or so always has money to buy his beer for the evening. Its not coming out of our account and he has passed it off with just having a few quid from a few odd jobs. No money has yet come in to the house.
At the beginning of this week he opened some post, ripped it up and threw it in the bin which I found odd as he is a 'leave everything on the side' kind of person. I'm ashamed to say that my paranoia got the better of me and after he left I looked at it. Turns out it was a bank statement and he has borrowed over £800 from family since the beginning of January.
I didn't know how to react to this so sat on it for a few days until today when I came clean about looking at it and asked where the money had gone/what it was for. His response was to get really angry (a trait of his) punch the wall, shout and after a few minutes leave the house without his wedding ring. I has already apologised in person and I messaged him, apologising and asking if we could talk about it.
He has since come home, drunker than when he left, and started saying that it's to do with what his mum left when she died, and that this is why he is the way he is, and that she always paid her way. Very confusing and he is almost making it sound like she was a certain type of lady who owed money to the wrong people. He said he will talk to me tomorrow when he is sober, but part of me feels he will say anything to get him out of being 10% honest.
He is a born salesman and friends have said to me before that they are worried he manipulates me into believing him.
If I can't believe what he tells me, then is this it?