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Original poster

dh and my mum want ds2 (1.2) , bf, to stay at mums for w/e..... not to sure, advice please.

17 replies

champs · 25/10/2004 16:45

sorry about title didn't know how to word it.

dh is taking me away for w/e for our anniv and wants ds2 to stay with my mum with ds1. my mum also wants this and says it will be nice for us to spend time together. I am not so sure tho as I haven't spent a night away from ds2. Last year I took dh away and brought ds2 with us as he was only 2mths old.
ds2 is bf and that worries me a bit too as he doesn't seem to drink milk when I'm away. He is still very attached to me and doesn't like to be away from me (as I am him) I know i have to start letting him be away a little but cant. Please give me some advice as dh really wants to spend time alone with me and I would like to aswell. I have suggested a compromise where ds stays for with us on Fri and mums for Sat then comes back on Sun. but that will be a bit unpractical.... help!!

OP posts:

zubb · 25/10/2004 16:48

does he drink ebm from a bottle? how many feeds does he have a day?
When did you first let ds1 stay with them?
Sorry about the questions! I would jump at the chance for a weekend away from the kids, but if you don't feel ready you may worry all weekend and won't enjoy it.

Maudy · 25/10/2004 16:52

You really should go alone as it will do you all, including your DS alot of good. If you trust your mum to look after him then go, try not to phone (or not too much) and understand that if there are any problems she will phone you.

If he is really hungry he will drink milk from a bottle and it sounds like he is old enough to have solids anyway so even if he doesn't drink all his milk he wont get too hungry.

My only advice is don't forget your breast pump. I went away when DS1 was little and forgot mine. Woke up in the middle of the night with boobs like rocks and had to express into the hotel sink . Not very sexy for a romantic weekend away!

WigWamBam · 25/10/2004 16:53

My daughter is 3y 5m old, and still hasn't stayed away from us, so I'm probably not going to be any help, but he's still very little, and as zubb says, if neither you or your ds is ready for this then you won't enjoy your weekend anyway. It will probably affect your bf as well, which might be a consideration for you. I can understand that you want some time to yourself with your dh but it might be better to do it when you are more relaxed about being able to leave your son, and when you're not bf any more.

jampot · 25/10/2004 16:56

my ds is 8 and still hasn't stayed away from us

agy · 25/10/2004 16:58

I think if you leave them too young it can start separation anxiety. I'd wait till he can understand that its only for a day or two.

Maudy · 25/10/2004 17:00

It won't affect the breast feeding if you take your pump and you're only going to be away for the weekend.

Why don't you stay in a nice hotel near your Mums. Not too near but maybe an hour away or something. Then you could drop him off on the Sat and just stay for one night and then you are close buy if your mum thinks he needs you. That way you get to spend some time with DH, get a lie in, quiet breakfast, time to read the paper (am I selling it to you yet?) and don't have to spend too much time away or travel to far.

WigWamBam · 25/10/2004 17:06

It's not very romantic to have to keep nipping off to pump though, is it!

Original poster

champs · 25/10/2004 17:14

he is offered ebm but hardly drinks any. It took ages for him to drink from a kiddie cup as he wont take a bottle. he has loads of feeds in the day and a few at night.

OP posts:

WigWamBam · 25/10/2004 17:16

I think I'd leave it for a while, neither of you sound ready for this yet. Think how much nicer it will be when you're more relaxed about it.

Original poster

champs · 25/10/2004 17:23

ooooops didn't see other posts.

maudy-- will deff pack my pump if i go without ds,
WWB--- lol@ not too romanticcan you imagine!! dont think i will enjoy it without him as my mind will be with him.
Jampot-- lol, my ds1 (6)has been away alot but I still worry and miss him when he's away. He still is upset about when I left him when we went on honeymoon, and he was 3!!
agy-- I was worried about that too
maudy-- the hotel is about 1hr-1hr1/2 away.

I did have a thought of mum staying at hotel too and then if I needed to feed ds I would. but that is asking too much I feel and dont think dh would like it.

OP posts:

Original poster

champs · 25/10/2004 19:36

how do I say this without starting arguement with dh?

OP posts:

Spod · 25/10/2004 19:52

my dd is just one too, bf also... and we are not ready for time apart either so I do sympathise. It would be nice to have time away, but I too would worry about separation anxiety (for both of us). I really wouldnt enjoy myself and it doesnt sound like you would... how not to have an argument...mmmm, tricky, perhaps stay soemwhere near your mum, then leave ds's with mum while you and dh go out during the day, you can pop back to feed etc, then stay away nearby at night,(although if ds still feeding at night this would be tricky!) so it would be just u and dh mainly.... express it in terms of not being ready, not wanting to upset ds, and wanting to spend time away when you're all ready would be more relaxing for you. Or, convince dh and mum that it makes more sense to wait till ds isnt having night feeds..... hope it works out for you.

zubb · 25/10/2004 19:55

how far away is the weekend? could you just postpone it for a couple of months?
If your son is over 1 then the amount of milk he drinks isn't that big a deal I don't think, as you can make sure that he has mor ein his food for the weekend. The issue is whether you are ready to leave him with your mum. If you have a few more months to get used to the idea - maybe build up to it gradually - a day, then one night kind of thing.
As for keeping up the breastfeeding I was away for 3 days when ds1 was 7 months, and a weekend when ds2 was 8 months, and just expressed when away, and picked up fine when I got back, so that shouldn't be a problem.

Original poster

champs · 25/10/2004 20:51

ty spod, hopefully they'll accept it.
zubb--- tis this weekend and I have had a couple of months to think about it still not ready. bf prob wont be a affected, more just the fact that he doesn't drink milk without me and he is so attatched

OP posts:

pixiefish · 25/10/2004 21:23

champs- if you don't want to go don't. your dh will just have to like it or lump it.if you'reworrying then you won't enjoy yourself anyway.

tabitha · 25/10/2004 21:48

champs,

I've just spent my first night away from dd (8.5 months) so I know how you feel.
We went to Legoland with her older brother and sister and left her at home with my mum. I was dreading it and could hardly bear to leave her even though I knew she was in good hands and also, although still b/f night and morning, she does take a bottle well.
However, once I was away I found that I didn't actually miss her nearly as much as I thought I would (probably because we had such a busy time, I hardly had time to draw breath). It was lovely to get back to her though and I don't know how I would have coped if it had been more than one night.
Why not leave your ds with your mum for the first night and then, if you find that being away from him is unbearable, collect him on the Saturday and have him with you at the hotel for the second night. Or if you (and your ds)are both coping okay leave him with your mum for another night.
You might find things go better than you think or if not, you've not too far away to go and get him.

Original poster

champs · 26/10/2004 03:05

could do. we are leaving car at home so will be on tube. I really dont kno. will have another chat with dh when i sign off.

OP posts:

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