When to leave a relationship

[Ellie1311]

How do you know for sure when it’s time to end a relationship? I’ve been with my partner for 10 years and we have two boys aged 7 and 3. Engaged but never got round to getting married. I’ve said for a while now I know I wouldn’t be with him if we didn’t have the kids. Our personalities are totally different, we don’t laugh at the same things etc and I feel like he never puts the effort in any more. We haven’t had sex in over a year (partly due to me suffering with a chronic pain condition and completely losing my labido) but he just doesn’t turn me on any more either, in fact I find myself cringing half the time.
We don’t argue really, definitely have disagreements which usually end in me ignoring him, which doesn’t actually seem to bother him that much.
I think the love we once had has just gone. I don’t know if it’s because we haven’t had any proper alone time since the kids were born and my chronic condition can just make me miserable.
I wouldn’t be financially able to get my own house and have no savings of my own, I’m also terrified of being alone.
I just don’t know how to go on the way we are, being miserable forever for the sake of being together for the kids.
Has anyone been in this position?

I'm a single parent and very happy by myself.

I don't feel 'alone' very often at all.

What do you like about your DP? What would you miss?

You are more than capable of looking after your own happiness

@sheworkshardforthemoney

I'm a single parent and very happy by myself.

I don't feel 'alone' very often at all.

What do you like about your DP? What would you miss?

You are more than capable of looking after your own happiness

Thanks for your reply. How do you manage financially? Sorry if too personal. Would I be able to claim some sort of financial support from him even though we aren’t married?

At the moment I don’t like anything about him, apart from the fact he’s a good dad. I wouldn’t particularly miss anything either I don’t think. I honestly feel like I’m stuck and I don’t know where to start. I can’t go and stay with my parents as they live an hour and a half away and obviously can’t go up that way due to school etc. I just don’t feel confident to start over on my own.

Money wise depends what (if anything) you earn.

My ex and I were married but as far as I am aware there are very few spousal payments in this country. It's not really a thing.

He will have to pay child maintenance IF you have the children 4 overnights or more.

There is a government calculator for this and it is fairly standard. It depends on two main factors. His earnings and how many overnights he has.

I couldn't survive without tax credit and child tax credit

I get yearly

12500 on a term time 30 hour contract

Approx 6,000 tax credits

The child payment everyone gets
£82 for 4 weeks

1,500 form my ex

Do you plan on owning or renting as that can affect payments

Oh and you'll be universal credit not tax credits

You can put your details in online (real or guessed) and it will give you a rough payment xx

I haven't lived with a man for 7 years! I lived with my mum for a few years but this didn't affect payments so I could save up (and DD was under a year at that point)

At least if you have a look you'll know it's an option and that can be empowering no matter what you end up doing xx