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Original poster

Feeling a bit down and alone

16 replies

sportyspice · 25/10/2004 11:41

I've been putting off writing about this as it makes me sound a right old billy no mates, however, here it goes....
I've found myself in a situation whereby i seem to spend the majority of the week on my own doing things with the children on my own and not really making any friends. Friends that i use to see have now returned to work or are now really busy with childrens activities, nursery etc and i feel a little left behind. I don't seem to be forming any new friendships and it's getting me down. Dh can't understand it as in his words he says "you're bright, kind and bubbly and always very chatty" which is fine but that doesn't seem to be helping me atall he also reckons that i do offer myself as a doormat because i'm so kind, should i be changing that though? The prospect of spending a lonely winter without any company is a depressing thought and i wish i had more friends to just pop in for a cuppa etc. Some recent people that i have met have been very domineering and have taken advantage of my kindness and i think because i am bright and chatty i am treated like a bit of an airhead (my perception perhaps) Does anyone else feel like this or have any suggestions? You must all be thinking what a saddo i must be!!!

OP posts:

nikcola · 25/10/2004 11:44

no your not a saado, i was like you then i started collage and have made lots of friends could you do a evening course or somehting xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

mothernature · 25/10/2004 11:45

Come on hear and have 'virtual real friends' one's you can call on at anytime, hundreds and hundreds of us here to talk to you, even though it would be virtual cups of coffee it will save you from going out in the rain and snow, you will still have a good time, it will give you skills you never thought you could possibly achieve....

MissusWoman · 25/10/2004 11:45

a college course would be a good way to meet people with similar interests as nikcola says, also you could meet up with some mumsnetters in your area? How old are your children? No-one will think you're a saddo by the way, there have been lots of threads on this subject!

lavender2 · 25/10/2004 11:48

this is how I used to feel about 5 years ago and I am totally sympathetic towards your feelings as I know how lonely it is when you see everyone else out there with friends popping in and out all the time....even now I have only a handful of real friends.....my dh said it was because I gave off vibes of being desperate and needy which I guess was true...it's like you're so short of friends that you try anything to become someone's friend (you don't do it subconsciously but people can feel it) Does this sound at all like you?

WigWamBam · 25/10/2004 11:52

I don't think you're a saddo, because your post could have been written about me, I am in almost exactly the same position - as, I suspect, are a lot of other mothers. Mothernature is right, there is company here on MN, people who won't see you as an airhead, people who will talk to you and will value your kindness and contribution to a conversation.

Would you be able to get out and do a college course or volunteer at something like a charity shop, while your children are at nursery? Mums and toddlers groups did nothing for me (really cliquey, and judged me on my size and nothing else), but you might find you can make new friends there. Anything just to get you out meeting new people.

lavender2 · 25/10/2004 11:57

are there any mums at your child's school/ playgroup....(what suddenly made the difference to me was when I read somewhere that out of 100 people you might only like or get on with 1....it then clicked that it isn't your fault if you don't click with people....it really is a numbers game..ie. the more people you meet the more chances you have a meeting someone who is like you ....don't let it get you down too much though...as there are a lot more people with this problem than who care to admit it, you're brave to come on here and admit....can you get out more and do activities with people...

Original poster

sportyspice · 25/10/2004 12:01

lavender2 - Yes that does sound like me and that is exactly a point that dh made saying that because i want to be liked and make new friends i offer myself in a subservient role without really even asking myself whether or not the person i've met is someone that I actually like! It is hard when you see others with an abundance of friends and if someone asks me what i've been up to i feel embarrassed to say eg to the zoo on my own . I've tried mother and toddler groups and again found them rather cliquey and found i was judged alot on my appearance. I'm a size 8 and like makeup, clothes etc but i found people stayed clear of me or were rather patronising as if i was a bimbo or something or as if i thought i was better than them which is upsetting because i don't have a nasty bone in my body i am a truly genuine person.

OP posts:

stickynote · 25/10/2004 12:06

I wenr to my first ever MN meet-up last week and it's done me a lot of good. There were only 3 of us, but the difference was that by going, we were obviously open to meeting new people, unlike a lot of mums at toddler groups IME. Just a thought...

Original poster

sportyspice · 25/10/2004 12:09

I like the thought of a meet-up but don't want to be labelled the one with 'no mates'

OP posts:

lavender2 · 25/10/2004 12:11

you know if they are genuine they wont care if you have 2 heads and big warts all over your face (sorry but true)...do you do any hobbies/ evening things that you go to?

linniewith2 · 25/10/2004 12:37

I felt a bit like this when I started maternity leave all my mates were at work....so I came on here........it gives you some great adult conversation.
I also started an msn group for mums in my area and have 33 members now (in about 10wks) and we are just arranging our 2nd meet up its a great way to make new friends who are in exactly the same situation as you.
I don't like joining mother and baby groups as they can be quite clicky iykwim
You are not a saddo there are loads of people uot there who feel just the same as you....you just need to meet some of them !

nm · 25/10/2004 12:40

Hi spotyspice - whereabouts are you? You could try NCT

nm · 25/10/2004 12:41

sorry that should be sportyspice - must preview

Original poster

sportyspice · 25/10/2004 12:44

I don't mind being spotyspice!!! I'm in Burgess Hill in West Sussex

OP posts:

nm · 25/10/2004 12:48

nowhere near me then (St Albans) otherwise you would be more than welcome to drop in for a chat and a coffee!

KTASH · 12/11/2004 22:39

HI SPORTY,
I know exactly what you mean! I have lost contact with most of my friends. I am really bubbly too and would love to socialise loads more if i could just meet people,but its not easy when you dont work etc. I dont have alot of family so the prospect of spending xmas and new years eve with no friends around me is pretty awful.
I also feel like people judge me, same reasons as you really, into clothes etc...

Anyway, I have 2 children, 6 and 2 and live in crawley.
Would love to meet up soon
Kate.

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