Feeling like a spectator

[ames]

I'll explain - DD is 8 months and I'm 12 weeks pg, I dont work, DH works from 3pm - 3am ish 6 days a week. I feel like a spectator, I'm not actually involved in anything (apart from raising DD) I'm finding this hard to explain, infact I feel as if I've just run out of things to say about anything. I just dont know what to do with myself. Everyday is exactly the same as the last cooking cleaning etc. I know I need to do something everything seems so pointless. I have worked hard decorating our house which I am very proud of but no one ever comes round (my friends dont drive so I have to visit them) I go and look round the shops but I dont need any new clothes or anything because I never really go anywhere. DH works, sleeps eats, works etc. I find I'm just waiting for him to get up and go to work but by then its to late to go out anywhere as I have to get DD tea and into bed and then when she is bed all I have is the tv (which I find mind numbingly boring) DH and I get little time to talk or do anything much together apart from the weekly shopping. He would quite happily sit in front of the tv 24/7. I am quite a crafty person, I like sewing and making things but even this seems quite pointless. I used to do those cross stitches but ran out of places to put them and I was thinking about learning to make hand made cards or something but feel there would be no point as what would I do with them, who would I send them/show them to. I dont want to go to work as I want to look after DD, and BF thinks a need a night out on the town (pretty boring when your married and pregnant!) Any advice?

Ames, do you belong to NCT? They are a fab charity, with lots of parents and lots of things going on. To begin with, they hold Bumps and Babies groups (you'd fit into both categories atm!), coffee events, Open Houses, all of which offer support to (mainly) mums. There are Antenatal classes and Postnatal Support courses, as well as Breastfeeding Counsellors, if you need them. There's the opportunity to get involved by helping out with just about anything. Nearly New Sales, fundraising, newsletter editing, advertising, publicity, so many things and I know I've missed out loads. If you go to the NCT site I think you can find your nearest branch and also see what else they can offer you. Best wishes.

i think many stay at home parents have felt like this at some point i know when i was a new mum i felt terribly lonely after stopping work full time and even though i had my beautiful dd to look after it seemed the time i was on my own was neverending .find things to do,you say youre quite craftywhy not think up some ideas for xmas either cards or presents.ive just started to plan my presents for xmas and ive decided to make a lot of little bits and bobs or make xmas boxes/baskets for people -themed for their interests,also im hoping to fill some with cooked presents.i know i cant make them yet but even the planning takes up some time.

Ames have you thought about parent and toddlers groups, my hv gave me a list when I was on mat leave, there were groups running to cover most days. One group I used to attend even had craft classes for older kids and for parents (by craft I mean things like making cards, coasters, photoframes, candle holders, xmas decorations etc - it was quite fun. I also took my ds to swimming lessons at the local leisure centre - your local authority or hv should be able to tell you about them or join a health club with baby facilties. I also attended baby massge classes which is relaxing for mum and baby (details via hv again). Could you find out if your local college has a creche perhaps you could do a course or activity you enjoy and it would help to meet other people. Not sure if any of the above is helpful. But do sympathise I feel isolated despite working full time (so don't meet other mothers) don't have anyone to look after ds outside work so no social life either.

Dear ames, sorry you're feeling down at the mo - it is hard work being pg at the same time as having an 8 month old. I was lucky in that we moved house, so I had an unavoidable distraction, and after the birth things gradually fell into place. I found having 2 made things miles easier (even so close together). I remember frequently thinking - it's only 4 pm - another 4 hours till bedtime - how am I going to get through it??? Or not feeling bothered to go out, yet feeling cooped up in. I NEVER once felt like this after ds2 was born - probably because I was too busy rushing round like a blue *** fly!! But it got soooo much better.

Try & organise spcific things that you HAVE to stick to - I think the swimming is a great idea, Scuba mentioned, because with 2 little ones, sadly it's the one thing I can't do with mine, so you can at least do it now, plus being pg it'll probably make you feel more comfortable too, at the same time.

Or move - the hassle of solicitors will definitely take your mind off it! (only joking)

Why not knit loads of baby clothes or make kids/dolls clothes (although while I like sewing, I need something to motivate me so I don't actuall do it myself)

ames
It sounds as though the pattern of your days is something that is laid down by other people, not yourself. I do think you need to get out a bit more - but then you still have the long evenings.

I wonder if you could combine some of the suggestions here to make a small sideline for yourself, making birth samplers in cross-stitch and advertising them at all the toddler groups, baby swimming lessons etc that you are going to go to! (Or even on Mumsnet!)

If you do have your evenings free it would be an ideal time to design and make up a stock of them all ready except for the name, and then you have something to show people. I am sure they would be treasured, and you would be giving people a lot of pleasure.

I must say I'm impressed with you being able to think aboout doing anything rather than staggering through at the moment.