Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Other subjects

Flip

Original poster

So how would you persuade a 46 year old bloke that he should just bloody knuckle down, commit to his girlfriend of 2.5 years

18 replies

TwigorTreat · 23/10/2007 21:19

and farkin' well have kids.

I'm telling you this guy would make an excellent father. He lost his last girlfriend after 10 years of dithering about whether to commit or not

tbh I think the only person he would have committed with me was me .. and I'm not being funny or big-headed but he was one of my best mates for about 20 years and I never really saw him that way .. he always went out with beautiful girls though and they were always desperate to settle down but he never would .. 'cos he can be a right tosser

anyway have spoken to him for first time in about 2 years .. and its the same old same old bollocks .. yes he's had a tough time in business but this new girlfriend (who I don't know) has stuck by him through it and she wants kids

I think he should just farkin' shut up and stop dithering and do it, he says he'll be late 60s by the time they leave home .. I told him he'll be late 60s anyway

it is none of my business I know

if you've got to the end well done you .. none of your business either I know but what would you say to get him to just make a life change

OP posts:

CappuScreamO · 23/10/2007 21:20

tell the girlfriend to get out

Original poster

TwigorTreat · 23/10/2007 21:25

can't .. don't know her

anyway he's a good guy really

OP posts:

NotQuiteCockney · 23/10/2007 21:27

If he doesn't want to do it, nobody can convince him to do it!

Original poster

TwigorTreat · 23/10/2007 21:28

I can, I have the power

OP posts:

NotQuiteCockney · 23/10/2007 21:31

Original poster

TwigorTreat · 23/10/2007 21:58

don't recognise that

can't believe more people don't want to tell a middle aged bloke what to do

OP posts:

WotzOut · 23/10/2007 22:00

His fishing, but you can tell its you he's waiting for.

NotQuiteCockney · 23/10/2007 22:10

Oh, it's Cancon, nobody is meant to recognise it, but it's a lovely song. Jane Siberry.

WotzOut · 23/10/2007 22:16

he defo is waiting for a tweatfromtwig

expatinscotland · 23/10/2007 22:21

touche, cap.

he won't make an excellent father.

why, because he obviously doesn't want to be or he'd have done it by now.

you're right, it's none of your business.

Katisha · 23/10/2007 22:21

I know a few blokes like this. He's going to end up sad and lonely and full of what ifs. But I rather doubt he is going to be capable of change without some sort of therapy/counseling tbh if he's anything like the two or three I've known...They think there is going to be some shining light around "The One" and "The Right Time" and generally, there just isn't. But they can't take the risk.

ScaremyVile · 23/10/2007 22:24

Oh god, why would you want to convince someone to have kids?
If he wanted them he'd have them - he clearly doesn't, so lets hope it stays that way.

Katisha · 23/10/2007 22:27

Actually I think the ones I know would like kids but they just aren't capable of taking the decision.

expatinscotland · 23/10/2007 23:12

I'm 100% with Scaremy.

C'mon, Katisha!

A 46-year-old person is old enough to know what is best for them and their life!

That's a crock that all people without children are going to be sad and lonely when they're old. Bollocks! Having kids to be company when you're old is a certain cause of grief.

They go on to lead their own lives and often enough move thousands of miles away.

I think it's insulting to assume that there is something wrong with people who chose not to have families or marriages and that they need counselling or therapy!

Some of my best friends are in their 40s and divorced or childfree and they don't need therapy or counselling!

They're perfectly happy with who they are and even happier when people accept them for who they are and leave them alone about their choices.

FFS, you wouldnt' like people harrassing you for deciding to have a family or get married, so why do this to someone else who chose differently?

bookwormmum · 23/10/2007 23:21

I'd hate for someone to twist my bf's arm into marrying me . I'd want him to ask me because he wanted to, not because he thought he had to.

WideWebWitch · 24/10/2007 12:00

The woman should get out imo, esp if she's late thirties or older. I think the gf of 10 years obv wasn't the one he really wanted to be with or he'd have been with her. I'm of the 'he's just not that into her' view.

Original poster

TwigorTreat · 24/10/2007 12:04

yeah he's a bit of an idiot actually

but he would make a great father whatever you might think .. and it would be a shame for him to never have the chance beccause he's like most middle-aged people and scared of the upheaval

Its just sad to see someone you've known since you were 13 not go places that you know he's always wanted to go ... and yes, even though I haven't spoken to him for 2 years, I do know him that well

OP posts:

Katisha · 24/10/2007 20:36

I agree Expat that not everyone should have or want to have children. Totally agree with that. I am basing my comments on the ones that I know ( 2 of them) who I know would like children because they have said so. They are just paralysed with inability to commit - and that's that. Yes sure - if they wanted it badly enough maybe they would have committed by now - however in their 40s I reckon they can't break the habit. Actually one of them is now having some sort of counselling so it'll be interesting to see if he can take things forward. And rest assured I have never said to them that they "should get on with it" - as a late starter in the parenthood game myself I know how I would have reacted to that. My involvement has been with the frustrated girlfriends .

So on the chance that Twig's bloke is like that, and that was my assumption based on some I have seen, I give my opinions. If he really doesn't want it - fine - I am not suggesting that he is half a person. But he does need to play it straight with the girlfriend (if he hasn't).

Gawd...

Flip