Christmas Aargh! (as opposed to Aah!)

[Bumblelion]

Christmas! Where shall I start. I know it is only October but already the chilren's tv programmes are showing adverts for children's toys (or do they show them all year round and I have just not noticed) and the supermarkets have got christmas cards, wrapping paper, christmas puddings in already.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore Christmas (especially the build-up - christmas tree and decorations up, warm cosy nights in when it is raining outside (although I wish it were snowing instead) although this will be my first on my own with 3 children.

My daughter, whose birthday is at the end of November, is already writing her birthday list but I just can't show any interest as Christmas is only 3 weeks after her birthday and I can't even get round to thinking about Christmas.

Christmas presents - this year I am going to be really mean. Because I am now a single parent after husband left me (actually only moved out 3 weeks ago after deciding we were separating 7 months ago), I just cannot afford to go over the top.

I always to always try and buy my children what they really wanted for Christmas but then I used to go shopping and see other things that I thought they would like and buy it for them although it wasn't on their list.

Well, this year, it has to come to a stop! I am going to buy each of my children one main present (son wants Gameboy Advance) and then 3 or 4 small presents (he likes puzzles, books, games) and that will be it. Once I have got everything I will not buy anything else just to make sure they have lots to open. As long as they get the one present they really want they are happy. Why is it I feel I have to give them so much when I also complain that I feel Christmas has got too commercialised and over the top.

What are your thoughts on Christmas, present buying, etc.

Bumblelion, I wondered how you were ? So he moved out. Are you ok ?

Tillysmummy, thanks for asking. I am absolutely fine - so much better for him having actually gone at last.

I went to Spain for 2 weeks in August and it kicked off while I was there (I left the baby at home with him but my mum looked after her while he worked). My mum offered to have the baby once a week so John could have a night out but I then found out he spent both weekends with his girlfriend from work - I wasn't bothered that he was spending weekends with his girlfriend, it was the thought that SHE was spending time with MY baby. Made me feel terrible as I was missing my baby so much.

The day before I was due to fly home (a Sunday) I found out he was also spending that weekend with her again and had diverted our land line to his mobile - whenever I rang his mobile or my home line to see how the baby was I kept getting his voicemail message from his mobile and couldn't work out why.

Itold him he had to have moved out by the time I got home Monday and he did. It is so much better. He has the children Wednesday night and Friday night until Saturday afternoon so they at least get time to spend with their dad and they know precisely when it is they are going to be seeing him next.

What he gets up to now he is no longer living in my house really doesn't worry me. Last Friday I had a bit of an eye opener - when he picked the kids up, I realised I no longer fancy him, love him or want to be with him - I think he has broken that in me with his treatment of me over the past 7 months or so. Also, I feel that, perhaps, we can be friends for the children's sake which I really couldn't imagine while he was still in our family home.

I really am fine and having a nice life - still working part-time, got my children living with me in the family home and get a night out once a week when I can be ME and have a really good time.

Thanks for asking.

Bumblelion, I will have a 3 year old (whose birthday is 5 days before Christmas!) and a 3 month old. We can't afford to spend a fortune this year, so I think as long as dd has plenty to open she won't mind if each present is quite small. For my 3 year old I am thinking books, beads, snowstorms, pens etc. I think we are going to get her a hobby horse for her birthday.

Quite honestly, if it snowed that would be the best Christmas present dd could possibly have!

I'm making the most of not spending too much - I'm sure it won't be long before she's demanding particular things!

I will be starting to buy presents weekly probably from November. One main present probably and lots of little things to fill up stocking etc. To be honest they will get so much from the family too I wont know where to put everything. Saying that, dh is really good at making Christmas a very special time and so all good intentions will probably go out the window.

Bumblelion, glad you are now happy. Its funny when these men you think you love finally leave and are not part of your everyday life you start wondering how you ever put up with them in the first place and stayed so long and just how unhappy you must have been for so long. Good luck and its so nice to start having fun again isnt it

Bumblelion I am so pleased for you. It was absolutely the right thing to do and now you can get your life back. I think it's always much nicer for you and the children if you can be friends. My mum and dad divorced when I was 12 an it was so amicable it made all the difference. They are still very good friends, just not in love anymore. Good for you for not fancying him ! I bet you're so pleased about that.

I hope it all continues to go so well and you really let your hair down on your nights out ! I need to do that it's been too long.

Take care and lovely to hear the good news x

Glad things are on the up for you Bumblelion.

Is it really bad having a child with a birthday so close to Christmas? Mine is due 29th Dec, but having an elective c-section so will be sometime on or after 16th Dec. How do you keep their Birthday special for them so that it doesn't just run into Christmas?

My daughter's birthday is 29th November and I find that is close enough - it just gets so hard knowing what to buy - most of what she wants she gets for her birthday and then 3 weeks later we have to think about Christmas. What makes it hard is that we can't even think about buying her Christmas presents until she has had her birthday as we have to wait and see what she gets.

Paula1, we don't put any decorations up until she's in bed on the 20th (her birthday). Then when she comes down the day after her birthday, its Christmas! We love it, and it just makes the festive period even better. Good luck!

My youngest ds 2nd birthday will fall on Christmas Day, to try and keep it special we will celebrate by having a party for him a few days before his actual birthday. Last year when my eldest son broke up from school for the Christmas holidays, I held a party at my home for youngest ds, and both sets of friends were invited. It was very special for both of them. As youngest ds gets older I will probably have a half year birthday celebration for him, maybe hire a bouncy castle for the garden in the summer holidays and invite a few friends round. Last year he had some birthday money and I saved it for later on in the year and bought some outside toys for him to enjoy.

Paula, I don't think it would be so bad if my birthday was before Xmas (I like the sound of what Enid does) rather than in that 'dead' time between Xmas and New Year. As a child it meant that I got all my presents at once, rather than getting some at another time in the year, which meant a long wait if you wanted something you couldn't afford yourself. Also, I seem to have spent most of my adult birthdays driving from one place (where we've spent Xmas) to other relatives or to wherever we're supposed to be spending New Year. Last New Year we spent in a rather basic holiday cottage in North Wales with friends; dh and the kids and I drove over the day before everyone else so that I wouldn't be travelling on my birthday, and it was wonderful - a peaceful and festive-season-free family day in a beautiful place. Best birthday I've had in years.

Bumblelion, I didn't realise the UK is ahead of Indonesia, timewise. It's still September here.

We're going home for Xmas and I'm quite excited about that. I can't say that I'm sorry to be missing the early stuff in the shops. It was my birthday yesterday and John Lewis always open their Xmas dept around that week - v depressing. Even more, I hate it that if I'm stupid enough to go into town a day or two before Xmas, all the festive stuff has been replaced by sale goods. It spoils the excitment, I think.

As for presents, they'll have to be transported back out here in a suitcase so must be small and light. Maybe a Barbie and pack of felt-tip pens for my DD2??? That should be cheap enough! She's made her list already because she thinks Santa will need a lot of notice as to our whereabouts on 25th Dec. Hope Santa manages to find my stocking, too!

SueDonim - good spotting for picking up on my (obvious!) error - my mind is racing away with me - but, sssshhh!, no-one else noticed!

Bumblelion, this is my first Christmas on my own with three children too! My dd is 14 in December and my ds2 is 6 at the end of November. aaaarrrgghh. Not sure how I am going to manage. My children always have stockings from Father Christmas packed with allsorts of goodies and then down stairs the presents from every one else that FC delivers for us. I have started buying little things for the stockings but these mount up in cost esp for dd as she tends to get bits of make up and stuff in hers. Can't stop getting them but I did consider buying them all new (smaller) stockings! Not sure what to do on the presents front and certainly not sure what will happen to Dads presnts and the ones from his side of the family, they will probably be at his when the children go there. I am concious that when they get up there won't be as many presents as normal because half will be missing. It is very difficult.

I'm panicked this year, since it'll be the first time I've ever catered for my parents (it's always been the other way around so far, bless them). So, I'll have a 2.7 month old, a 3 month old, dh, Mum, Dad, Auntie and her dog. I've no idea how to cater for Christmas, and have only got so far as to think 'lovely large organic turkey' which will probably exhaust all available finances. Eek! Because dh and I met, fell in love, married, had baby in quick sucession (not shot-gun, honest) we bypassed the 'buying nice things for house when a couple' bit, so I don't actually have enough nice chairs, and am going to have to call garden ones into action. Oh, and have to fish out a different table from the garage to stick in the middle of the living room, since our pine kitchen one only seats four.

I've always made things for Christmas, like crackers, and sweeties, and little pressies for people but am not sure that this year I'll have time to do any except for dd's of course (she's getting a big dressing up basket, and I'm making her costumes for inside it (suggestions on what sort of costume would go down well would be incredibly helpful, btw)... and, and, and......I've got my knickers in a twist about this Christmas, to be honest. Oh, and parents are used to lovely adult Christmasses, with beautiful, special Christmas china, and long crystal candlesticks, and special scented logs on the fire, and getting dressed for dinner. Aaaaargh is about right.

I do agree with you about the commercialism, btw Bumbelion, think you've got the strategy spot-on, to be honest - and sorry the above turned into a rant about my own Christmas stresses, which, when compared to disruption of routines because of partners leaving like yours and Lilibet's are very minor indeed (perspective has dawned). Having to use plastic chairs isn't that important in the larger scheme of things is it, really, nor are how many/what pressies - it's the feeling Christmassy that matters

My last Christmas was one of my best. And it involved cooking for more people than I ever had and sitting on garden chairs. It is people that count Frances, and I am sure your family will love being at yours with the littlies. Get a copy of Delia's Christmas, she gives you all the timings and it will work out perfectly. and btw, I wasn't left, I did the leaving! Only cos the b**r wouldn't go! But thats another thread. And this year the new oven in the rented house is that small it wouldn't hold a chicken never mind a turkey so mine is being cooked across the road and brought over! And a Happy Christmas to us all!!

FrancesJ - surely the pleasure of seeing their grandchildren play with their new toys/the wrapping paper will outweigh everything else for your parents. Although having said that I do know where you are coming from.

Also I would surmise that they are probably aware that you only have a limited number of chairs. If garden chairs are a problem get them to bring chairs over with them.

LOL, Bumblelion! Actually, it made me do a double take and I had to check on the computer calander, just in case!! But then I am easily confused.

Or 'calendar' even!!

This Christmas I will be working a 12 hour shift starting at 8am. Better than making Christmas dinner though! You lot still will keep having babies at holiday times

FrancesJ
I remember my first christmas lunch that I did for the PIL....

We had a tiny oven - one of those combination ones. MIL brough the goose with her. Had never cooked goose before, so literally jammed it into said oven, and left it for an hour or so. Prompted my MIL, opened oven door to do the basting, and about half a pint of goose fat poured out. YUUUKK! Took me all week to really clear it up.

We now BBQ the tukey or goose - especially the goose, and it frees up oven space.

.... What am I on about??!! Christmas is ages away.... isn't it?