Birthday present for terminally ill

[LollyBeebee123]

My sister has a terminal brain tumour and has been given only a few months to live. It’s so hard for her and us as her family to accept this and know how to support her and her husband and daughter. (and my parents) We’re learning as we go and trying hard to do the right thing. It’s her birthday just before Christmas and we want to make it special. Any ideas?

Family photo shoot? Something her daughter can treasure and maybe one last day for them to get pampered beforehand?

Thank you for suggestion, it’s a lovely idea. But, she’s very swollen and her skin is very red. She’s also lost lots of hair due to treatments. I think you’re right though that something memorable for her and her girl.💕

Some beautiful fingerprint jewellery here, maybe your sister & her daughter could have a piece with each others fingerprint to treasure, lots of designs incl this lovely little robin...

holduponheart.co.uk/collections/favourite-memories/products/ink-fingerprint-robin-pendant

I love this mismeg! Thank you so much!😍

Is she well enough to go out for the day? Assuming things are open again, anything that makes memories would be ideal - nice meals, zoo trips, mini break with the family?

Sending a big this is such a difficult time for you and your family.

My suggestion is a wrap or gorgeous shawl - something beautiful and sumptuous - that your sister can wrap around herself when she needs comfort and warmth during her illness.

Having faced something similar, I know the reassurance I feel when I cuddle up to the throw my children got my husband. I remember him wrapped up in it and it eases my heart.

Perhaps, in the fullness of time, your niece will feel a sense comfort and safety, when she has the wrap/shawl, and feel the closeness of her mum.

Take care, accept support from wherever it is offered.

X

Hand writing jewellery is also something nice for your niece.

Painting ceramics is a nice activity but also something that can be kept as a memory.

A cinema afternoon. A chance to introduce her daughter to her favourite films, do snacks, drinks even decorate the room if you wish.

We loving virtual quizes - i did one for my birthday, only one round was about me but you could have everyone do a round about them. Its a good chance to find out about each other.

Any chance to spend time together.

My sister had a birthday 5 weeks before she passed away at a time when she was extremely poorly and confined to bed in hospital. Everyone sent her flowers which she barely looked at. I bought her a jumper in a style she would have liked ordinarily and this did raise a smile from her as a little bit of normality in a world which had become solely about the big C. She never got to wear it but I’m still glad that was my gift to her that year as just receiving it brought her pleasure.

I'm so sorry you're facing this. I lost my younger brother a number of years ago so understand some of what you're going through.

I love the idea of the fingerprint jewelry. When my brother was very unwell I sent him and his wife to a restaurant he'd always wanted to try and sent my credit card details in advance. Told the restaurant to give them anything they wanted to try.

I'm really sorry you're going through this.

It might be worth choosing a gift that isn't screaming "you're dying" in terms of being time limited or about her daughter remembering her when she's gone. You can do those things on any day as part of supporting her in the coming weeks.

Memory box type activities in particular are really painful and draining to do once you start, and would you want that on your birthday (or Christmas) when you're already trying to come to terms with the knowledge that you're never going to see another birthday (or Christmas)?

My mum became very, very distressed when a lot of the gifts she received in your sister's position were clearly chosen with an eye on the fact she was dying. She said it made her feel like people were treating her as if she was already dead and not thinking about how she would feel. Like people thought it was a waste to get her anything she might not finish using or that wasn't related to managing symptoms. Or to even ask her what she wanted like they otherwise would have (lots of assumptions about what she could/couldn't do which I think made her feel even more out of control than she already did because she was dying).

Instead of it being a nice day for her it ended up being a huge reminder that her life was being ripped away from her prematurely and left her questioning how much people really cared for her. It was and still is heartbreaking.

I would make your sister's birthday about making her feel loved and as normal as possible in the circumstances. It will still be difficult for her as she will be aware within herself of the significance but hopefully it won't unintentionally cause her additional pain. (I know you're just trying to do your best by her, would not suggest otherwise for a moment.)

Take care

I agree with PP above. Something that she loves, which isn't about her dying.

Yes, I tend to agree with @user1915482548253840. Get her something lovely that she’d have loved for any birthday. Who cares if it’s jewellery and she only wears it a few times? Or a book that she doesn’t manage to finish? Get her something that makes her feel normal, like herself.

I think KatrinaWaves and user1915482548253840 has got it right. I wouldn't buy any 'memory' type gift, you can get something like that any time.

I would try and make the birthday as normal as possible. Some lovely ideas on here - a nice cashmere wrap or jumper, some DVD's and popcorn and wine and cupcakes for an afternoon snuggled up on the sofa with her daughter.

And I’m so sorry for your loss. My brother died in his thirties, it’s incredibly hard to lose a sibling.

Depending on how she’s feeling and restrictions, a nice hand or food massage? Maybe someone who could come to the house and your niece could join in too? Nails painted or general pampering?

Thank you so much for all your kind responses. Things have taken a turn for the worse. Her birthday is still a few weeks away and I know she’ll not be strong enough to do anything. I think we’re going to get a piece of finger print jewellery and a soft shall and her favourite perfume. My niece can keep them afterwards. Thanks again! 💕💕