Are all toddlers as fond of danger as my ds seems to be?

[memum]

I'm six months pregnant with very loveable, but energetic toddler of one and a half. I took him out today (first time in approx. two weeks due to stressful situations/tantrums etc)to a local playgroup. As we were leaving , he sprinted past the crowds of other mums and babes leaving via the door to the hall (through their legs) The playgroup leader supposedly manning the door was giving out leaflets and chatting away - though did stop to ask if he belonged to me. I said he did - but she didn't catch hold of him and I then, after squeezing past the other mums (couldn't manage crawling between their legs) had to chase my ds down a very short corridor (three doors that led to the busy street were all hooked open)- and I only caught him as he ran right into the road.
I feel like I'm such an irresponsible parent - but I just could not catch him. I didn't run at first as that makes him think its a game, but as he got nearer to the door I had to sprint like Linford Christie (not a pretty sight - 6 months pregnant in slippery shoes).

This is the second time he has squeezed past people and escaped. Someone said I should smack him - but he really didn't know he was being naughty so I can't bring myself to smack him for that - although when I think what could have happened I feel sick to the stomach.

The last few weeks have been full of incidences liek this and I feel like I'm handling everything really badly.

Sympathies from me, I had an absconder too. He legged it from pretty much anywhere, and like you, I was always amazed at the hordes of silly women who would stand blocking the door watching him vanish into the car park. And their little legs take them off so fast! It's a really hard one to handle - don't know about your ds, but mine never seemed to care whether he could see me or not, he never worked out that he was supposed to get clingy and have separation anxiety.

You're right, it is a game for them at this age, but there's nothing to do but run after them unfortunately. Try and make as little fuss as you can when you catch him, to take the fun out of it. How does he do on reins or a wrist strap? DS hated them, but they do work if you really can't risk him running off (and particularly as you get more pregnant - I never had to deal with that at the same time at least). He's 3 and a half now and will occasionally leg it, but if he does the wrist strap comes straight out, and often just the threat of it is enough (mortifying experience in a shopping centre recently when he said loudly ' no, Mummy, not the strap!' ).

Sorry, posted before I'd finished. Basically, I think that if you have a runner you have to be prepared to run after them or tie them to you. You'll get really good at identifying any new venue for exits and places you can lose them (I would now make an excellent bank robber as I can case a joint in 10 seconds flat). It does get easier as the age of reason dawns and you can try to explain about getting lost.
DS mostly did it when he was bored or I wasn't moving on quickly enough for him.

I used reins WITH a wrist strap attachted through the loop part of reins the handle part. IYSWIM

I did it like this not because DS was a runner but because I tripped over on a pavement with him on reins with me holding the loop handle and luckily I managed to keep hold of the loop.

BUT it scarred me because I realised that he could have gone in the road IF I had not managed to keep hold of it.

So the new way it meant that he was secure and had a bit of freedom. Much easier with shopping as you then have your hands free.

with the reins I have resorted to putting one leg through the strap to keep him near me while I needed both hands to pay at the checkout !

I hope I wasn't too discouraging in my earlier posts, they do grow out of it, and you just learn to watch like a hawk and spot the 'I'm about to run like the wind' signs. It's just a really difficult one to handle as you cannot afford to ignore the behaviour like you would with nearly everything else.

Thanks for your messages: Yes reins of some sort seem to be the answer. Difficult times these!

I have a runner as well, although its a lot better now. He'd run out of shops the second he saw an opening. I always told him that if he ran away then we would have to go home, and a couple of times had to literally drop what we were doing and just leave the shop and go home so that he knew we weren't joking. Now I just have to say that if he runs away we'll be going home, and he makes sure that he stays within sight.

Just a few words of encouragement - IME it does improve. My dd, now 2 years and 3 months doesn't do this any longer. She stopped around 2 - 3 months ago, I haven't a clue why. Prior to that however it was as if she knew no fear, it didn't bother her one iota if she was so far away in the distance from me that she could no longer see me.....she acted exactly like your son when she was his age (and uncannily, when she was 18 months old I was also 6 months pregnant and had to break into an improbable run to catch her)

My son is now 2 1/2, he has always enjoyed running away from me! It can be so hard to stay calm when you see the danger and they don't. I did use reins with DS and he got on okay with them. I did get funny looks off people though as he is big for his age. What I tend to do now is, I will tell him he what he has to do (ie come when I call him) when he does as I have asked, I give him a big cuddle and tell him how happy I am that he listened. He had a big tantrum in B&Q yesterday, screamed the place down but then was an angel in Comet so he is definatley improving!
Hope your DS settles down for you soon, IMO, the reins will be the safest option for now