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Original poster

How to tell my dd about father christmas?

22 replies

lettuce · 14/10/2007 18:08

My dd is 8 years old, all her friends seem to know that father christmas is not real and that their parents but them the presents! But my dd hasnt worked this out by herself yet as i hoped she would and i dont really want her to find out from her friends and then getting picked on by them. How should i tell her about it so she doesnt get too upset or confused?

OP posts:

LadyOfTheFlowers · 14/10/2007 18:14

That's a tough one!
No advice, sorry, mineare 2 and 1 but am dreading telling them.
I know I was absolutely gutted when I found out....

LittleMissNorty · 14/10/2007 18:21

I remember being out shopping with my mum about the same age and when I said I liked something, she said to me "oh, perhpas I can get that for your stocking"...I didn't say anything but it all sunk in and things fitted into place and I was GUTTED....then later she said to me "Don't you DARE tell your sister"

NappiesLaGore · 14/10/2007 18:25

ive already told them hes not real.
we 'go along' wiyh the santa presents idea... but they know its not real and 'go along' with it too.
doesnt seem to dampen their spirits at all and there will be no gutting moment of realisation.
i just couldnt bring myself to lie to them.

parhaps you take her out to a cafe or ice cream parlour for a treat... tell you you have soemthing to talk about... break it to her as casually but sensitively as pos and then immediately follow with the ice cream/treat to take her mind off the pain?

NappiesLaGore · 14/10/2007 18:26

the more importance and sadness you attach to it, the more she will too iyswim.but dont just breeze over it if shes really hurting obv!

tribpot · 14/10/2007 18:27

I'm at the other end of the spectrum. Ds (2.4) doesn't know about Santa, i.e. does not know of his alleged existence. I almost feel mean telling him this year only to disillusion him in years hence but there's no nice alternative. I thought he'd love the Santa train this year, but obviously to go on said train needs to know about Santa.

Is it just me or does it feel really weird to sit down and say "now, ds, there is this bloke in a red suit and he and the reindeer bring you presents" knowing it's a complete lie? It feels a lot worse than pretending next door's rabbit is asleep when I don't want to take him round to see the damn thing!

clandestine · 14/10/2007 18:36

Oh!!!

My DD is 9 and has friends who believe all sorts of things about FC.

I just tell her to believe in what she thinks is real. I say sometimes magical things do happen but often they are because other people make them happen, people who love and care for us and want to make us happy.

I've always just left a lingering thought that if we believe enough in magical things then sometimes they come true - who makes them come true doesn't really matter very much, just that they do happen.

I suppose we were forced to come up with some fairly wishy washy belief from when she was quite young as there is a girl is her class who is Moslem and who, in my view quite understandably, told them that she didn;t believe in FC. So there were a lot of questions very early on. AFAIK, no one has ever been picked on for believing or not believeing at her school!

I definitely want to get another year out of at least semi-believing as DS is 7 and I'd like him to get another year out of it! So it looks very much as if this year could be our last year of the DCs really believing in him, however sceptical they might be

NappiesLaGore · 14/10/2007 18:39

tribpot - i felt the same as you!
so i told them the story, they know 'who' he is etc... but i kind of whispered that none of it was true really, but we just 'go along' with it anyway.
im sure some people think im a right meany but it feels better to me this way.

mrsmerton · 14/10/2007 18:48

I told my dd "If you ever stop believing in

Father Christmas, tell me, because then I

can start bringing the presents instead of

him".

JossStick · 14/10/2007 21:03

I'm speechless

mrsmerton · 14/10/2007 21:04

Why?

mm22bys · 14/10/2007 21:04

My DS1 has figured it out at 3. We were talking recently about how Father Christmas is the one who brings him presents at Christmas, and puts them under the tree, and he said "is it daddy?". I didn't know what to say....

No suggestions sorry....

NotAnOtter · 14/10/2007 21:05

it is october

no not the middle

the start

JossStick · 14/10/2007 21:08

Not speechless about you Mrs Merton

I simply cannot understand how it worries anyone as to when to tell DC about FC

mrsmerton · 14/10/2007 21:09

I know, I wait until my children mention it to me. Keep it special for as long as poss. My daughter asked me when she was 11. My boys havent a clue.

LazyLinePUMPKINJane · 14/10/2007 21:10

My Mum told me as soon as she could to save the bother of pretending. She always hated Christmas

JossStick · 14/10/2007 21:10

Don't you think we worry too much about this sort of thing - devastating effects etc. etc.

We all get there in the end and one child of 8 is alot more mature than another.

is nothing sacred?

pointydog · 14/10/2007 21:10

I think finding out from friends is far better than a serious sit-down chat with parent. She'll probably want to carry on pretending with you for a while anyway.

I wouldn't worry. Leave it to the children.

JossStick · 14/10/2007 21:12

Which is what i was trying to say Pointy in a more rubbish way than you.

mrsmerton · 14/10/2007 21:14

A friend of mine tore herself to bits saying she hated 'lying' to her children about it; except they weren't asking. If they don't ask, don't offer!

maximummummy · 14/10/2007 21:18

i told my daughter when she was 10 - she was furious especially when it sunk in that the tooth fairy and easter bunny were LIES ALL LIES too !!!!

nooka · 14/10/2007 21:40

I think that this belief that Christmas can only be celebrated with the added invention of a fat bloke sliding down your chinmney is nuts! Just don't start down the line at all. It's really not necessary. If your children want to believe in Father Christmas then they will do so. dd (7) knows perfectly well that it's all make believe, but she still likes the idea, so she tells us that it's true, enjoys reading all the stories, and told me tonight she would be writing a letter this year. However she then enjoyed me telling her that me and her dad would be looking carefully for all her presents, including her stocking presents. However I don't think that friends do particulrly pick on each other for FC beliefs. ds has never believed but I've never heard him being mean to his mates (only dd!). It's part of growing up that you find things out from your friends, and I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing.

bottlingitallup · 15/10/2007 09:50

hear hear nooka. never a truer word (paragraph) said.

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