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i would like to complain

8 replies

macneice · 19/10/2004 15:38

just a general complaint about life ( in my pseudonym) feel free to comment.

i live in a hovel. my dh in stripping the kitchen he has been for 3 weeks, there is wallpaper stuck to the floor the kitchen sides the cooker everywhere. i have another kitchen waiting to be put in - its in the dining room, that has been there since june.

my children dont flush the toilet, the bathroom is disgusting, i cannot see the floor in any of the bedrooms, the washing is constant. dh does his fair share of tidying up, i really dont know how other people do it. we work full time i have done most of the cooking recently, i have a class i go to one evening a week, i would spend the rest of my free time tidying up. i havent vacumed the stairs for weeks, i wash the dishes and the clothes - but not wash clothes often usually have a bender on a weekend. the dh says he will put them away. they stay on top of the awaiting kitchin units in dining room for another week, i sort them into piles get the children to put their stuff away - which then ends up on the floor and then they dont know which is clean or dirty

at work on friday i went to a meeting with my boss who in front of two senior members of staff ( on advising them on writing job spec as per my job but in a different part of the country) said " make sure you know what you want this person to do, as macneice has a split role. inveriably this doesn't work and you end up with both roles being done ineffectivley" nice. am going for a job interview tomorrow.

then there is school. there are the childrens school books on the floor on the landing, on top of said awaiting kitchin units in dining room, on dining room table, in bathroom, when they are supposed to put them in once place in the hallway so they know where they are.

i try to keep on top of homework and signing homework diaries - but i often forget the latter, my children have been in trouble at school recently - i cant go into it - but needless to say the school my children attend know my children and i on first name basis, which isn't a good thing when there are over 500 pupils in a school.

my children think we are poor and moan about how they are bored, i have a ps2 in the diningroom on dining room table - leaving us little room to dine actually! this is becuase we took it out of their room as they were playing it when they went to bed. so they play it where we can see them. but its very cramped downstairs now. the children have little respect for things we buy them, they act like spoiled children when the truth is we have never had the finances to spoil them. we are not destitute or anything but we have to watch out money.

my fridge and cupboard are running a little bare at the mo - i can make a lovlely enjoable evening meal for my children but dh will complain that he has nothing to eat, as it must contain 5lbs of potatoes and half a loaf of bread or chips. where as my children will be more than happy with pasta and hotdog sausages with chopped tomatoes.

today dh has been grumpy and mean. i got him up late as he worked late last night ( as did i btw) made him a coffee, before he even sat down he was shouting at me to get my presentation stuff together for tomorrows interview - which he then helped me with, so he is shouting then helping - which is a little hard to explain but happens a lot. then he came with me while i did a dummy drive to place of interview, then he shouted at me again for something unimportant to do with an extension lead! then i dropped him off at work - where he is going to now help me by printing off the presentation as handouts as we have not got printer at home. - again shouting and helping. he other day he was such a nasty person he later apologised then bought me a bunch of flowers and a vase and washed the pots and tidied the kitchen and changed the table cloth and made the tea. i would rather of not been shouted at in the first place. when i tell him that he shouts i get things like " i f_*king apologised more than once"

when he apologises, he shouts

last night when we both got home from work, i went to the kitchen to make the children their sandwiches for school, he then shouted at me as he thought i was making him something to eat. i shouted at him that actually i had been working since 8.30 that morning so he should get off his fat arse and make his own, i had made the children their evening meal before going out again to work that evening, and washed the dishes.

am just a bit fed up. there is no shrinking violet here BTW, when he shouts i shout back usually, last night howver i went up to him calmly and said you will think about this and then apologise to me later. it was an instruction - as you would a child.

just to reiterate i am not oppressed in anyway by my dh - he shouts then does lovely things - he just shouts a lot.

he shouts at the kids when there is no need, last night my children were helping him unpack the car, ds1 dropped something, he was all the nasty things under the sun. it doesnt matter that they had helped him get the equipment and pack the car and unpack the car. the dropping of this item was accidental and should of been treated that way - first instinct is to shout.

house, job kids, dh - its getting me down

thanks for listening

OP posts:
pixiefish · 19/10/2004 15:41

do you feel any better now that you've got it off your chest.
don't know how you cope macneice

woodpops · 19/10/2004 15:42

THey don't tell you allthis in the baby books when you're planning kids do they. People don't believe me when I say I do 3 loads of washing a day. And if I don't iron each day then I'd spend a whole day easily doing the flaming stuff. I think dh thinks the fairies come in at night and do the washing, ironing, cooking, cleaning etc. All this and I work 8-5 3 days a week!!! Keep your chin up

catgirl · 19/10/2004 15:59

you have every right to complain - you have my respect that you can get out of bed in the morning!

Copper · 19/10/2004 16:04

macneice- I recognise myself and my family and my dh - and me - in everything you say. At least I now know I'm not alone ...

Twinkie · 19/10/2004 16:12

Ooohhhh have one big clean up this weekend - tell put all kids things in black bags and tell them that if things aren't sorted an put away said bags will go in bin with PS2!!

Can you budget a little to ge a cleaner??

As for the food thing cook one meal and if they don't like it they can starve - thats my philospohy - or let them each chose one meal a week and either give it to them each night (ha ha) or cook one choice each night that everyone has to eat.

As for DH - my dad used to shout lots and it affeceted me loads I still smart now and apologise all of the time but what can you do give your DCs extra hugs and hope that it doesn't affect them!!

MummyToSteven · 19/10/2004 16:17

macniece - definitely every right to complain. think your dh should learn to button it - bet he doesn't shout like that at work, does he? so why should that behaviour be acceptable in the home?

aloha · 19/10/2004 16:22

Can you (I mean you as a couple) afford a cleaner? I really think it helps keep arguments at bay. Also, men do get awfully bossy and yes, a bit shouty, when 'helping', I find. It tends to bring out the worst in them, though they honestly IMO don't realise how aggressive it can feel to be helped quite so, um, vigorously. But I know I contribute by getting irritated at having to be helped, so seem ungrateful...hence vicious circle. I tend not to ask for help unless really necessary! Is your dh under stress atm or has he always been shouty? Could you talk about it when he's not shouting? Maybe say it feels uncomfortable for you and the children and you know he doesn't mean to scare the kids/make you feel anxious, and you appreciate all the lovely things he does for you, and it will be so wonderful if it could all be just the same, only with a bit less shouting? Maybe offer to stop doing something that irritates him as well?
I think he should cook more, personally. But I don't do any ironing and we all look passable-ish, I think.
Lastly, don't underestimate stressful, upsetting and generally gloom-inducing having building work in your house can be. Esp if you've had a new kitchen waiting to be fitted since June. Could you (dare I say this?) get a man in? A cheap sort of man just to finish the stripping and help your dh with fitting the kitchen. I honestly think it would be money well spent. You'll feel so much better once it has been done. And tbh I don't think two full time working parents have enough time for major diy.
Anyway, good luck.
Sorry work is crap. Your boss sounds an a*se, frankly.
Re kids. It's hard when they are messy. I think a crackdown may be in order here. Or have a family meeting (never had one but they sound quite good!) in which you talk about tidying and sorting and ask them what they think is reasonable and set new agreed standards.

aloha · 19/10/2004 16:23

I like Twinkie's bin bag idea!

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