Should meeting other mums be treated like dating?

[Moomin]

... in that, should you behave and/or dress in a certain way of you want to make friends with other mums?

JUst wondering as one of my best friends is finding it very hard meeting other parents at the moment. She moved over from New York last year after living there for about 6 years. She had her dd there and moved over here when she was pg with her ds. Because of her dh's job they are living in lovely area but which is about 3 hours drive from family and most of her friends. Her dh works away from home a lot and I guess life is quite lonely with 2 pre-schoolers. She's at the park every day and regular baby/toddler groups and always tries to strike up conversations with other parents who are polite but it never goes any further.

WE were discussing this the other day and we wondered if the fleece and baby-sick 'uniform' is putting people off???!! If she dressed a bit more fashionably and wore a bit of lippy, would she come across any better? I know it's a weird question and I also know appearances shouldn't matter, but if she was looking for a new partner, she'd be doing the dressing up, brushing her hair and banning the baby-sick clothes - so should be doing the same in order to make new friends??!

BTW she's not shy, she's very bright and had a great career pre-babies (not that that should matter really) but I mention it to show she knows how to interact succesfully!

What's your "type" when you're meeting other mums for the first time?

I'd find someone fashionably dressed with makeup really offputting at the park. Perhaps her problem is that "other mums" aren't necessarily her type, and she'll have a better time when she is out of that stage, and can meet adults without children doing something she wants to do.

Yes maybe - I did say I thought it would get a bit better when dd went to school next year and gave her a bit more time to herself and ds. She'll probably meet more people when dd gets invited for tea, etc. as well.

I don't necessarily mean the full monty make-up and looking like a dog's breakfast just to go to the swings, as such. Was just wondering what you would find offputting or on the other hand, attractive in another parent. Would you think it was weird / needy if another mum asked you for your number to meet up for coffee or arrange to let your kids play? I think it's a bit more common / accepatble in the States, maybe (World Capital of the 'Play Date'!!)? I think it was different for her over there when she just had her dd. Maybe she's trying too hard? She's feeling very isolated though; it must be very hard.

Where is she? Maybe you could set her up via Mumsnet...

I wouldn't have thought it weird or needy of someone to ask me round for coffee-with-a-playdate-attached. However, it doesn't always work out very well - unless the children get on very well (and quietly so), the mums don't get much chance to go beyond superficiality.

maybe she could initiate a phone/address list at the toddler groups she goes to already? Just put out the paper, anyone who wants to fills it out, she types it up and prints out copies for people to take if they like.

Maybe she comes over self-assured and content and people just assume she's fine as she is?

Has she tried inviting anyone over for a coffee/playdate at all?

Good idea re list.
Don't think she comes across too OTT; she's quietly confident but not overly so, IMO. I'm much more likely to seem more in-yer-face; I could see why people would think I was an annoying old cow, but not her!

She met some parents through an online local service but the two meets she went to were a bit a of a disaster - just in that the kids (nor the parents) weren't compatible. I think a mumsnet meet is much more up her street and likely to put her in touch with more compatible souls; I will suggest it to her. Think she thought maybe it was more of an evening social thing and she's usually completely knackered every night (her kids are lovely but aren't that easy-going as far as her getting any R&R) and she's hoping more for day time conversation and company for her dd in partic.

STill think things will improve when dd goes to school but will press the mumsnet meet again!