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Original poster

serious case of grass in greener ... anyone leave london then go back again?

27 replies

lacarte · 02/10/2007 11:07

we left london a year and a half ago (priced out) and we are now regretting it and considering going back. have incurred massive cost in buying a house which needed far more work than we thought, but the commute (we both work in london) is worse than expected mat 60 - 90 mins, the nursery is near home and so a long way from work, we don't feel at home here and altogether we feel miserable (and a bit stupid) about it. would it be crazy and irresponsible where our LOs are concerned (one nearly 5 months, one 2.5yr) to go back? anyone done this?

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ComeOVeneer · 02/10/2007 11:09

Sounds like you have pretty much answered your question. What are the reasons you moved? Did the new area fulfill those reasons? Clearly you are not happy where you are so pehaps a different place rather than back to London?

Original poster
lacarte · 02/10/2007 11:17

.we mostly moved because we wanted more space for the kids, and also wanted to try something different. we are trying to feel at home. i've been going to all the baby/ toddler things i can, have met some lovely people, made some friends etc, it's not like we're being totally negative, it just doesn't feel like home. we thought of all the negatives before we did it, did the sums etc. we didn't move on a whim, but the reality is different.

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1crazymumof2 · 02/10/2007 11:18

La carte, i moved out of london about two years ago as we too were priced out, my husband still commutes taking the train and it takes him about one and a half hours. Yes it has been incredibly difficult, we were both born and raised in london and have left all of our family and childhood friends. I must actually ask you if you were to move back have you actually looked at what you'd get for your money? We have and it is shocking, we'd go from a three bed detatched house with a 120 foot garden near to town in a nice area, to at best a two bed flat in a rough area with no outside space, this is before you take into consideration the hike in council tax etc. Maybe try moving to a different area? As much as i miss everyone i would never go back as the quality of life/schools are so much better where we are now.

ComeOVeneer · 02/10/2007 11:19

We recently (in Jan of this year) moved out of London. It was a long hard thought process with lots of research and I think we did the right thing. The house is our dream, the comute into London is the same time it took from our London home so we hit the jackpot. Sorry it hasn't been the same for you.

I think if you are going to do something about it it would be better sooner rather than later.

Original poster
lacarte · 02/10/2007 11:23

why do you think sooner would be better, out of interest? was thinking that would be quite destabilising? but then i worry our not feeling settled is unsettling too!

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ComeOVeneer · 02/10/2007 11:38

I just think that after a year and a half if it doesn't feel "right" then I'm not sure you have made the right choice. Getting it sorted sooner rather than later will be less disruptive on finances etc. Plus I think the children tend to adapt better if they aren't too tied to the area (eg already at nursery/school/friends etc)

But perhaps I am wrong. Some people say it takes a few years to feel truley settled in a new place.

Original poster
lacarte · 02/10/2007 11:54

what you're saying is kind of what my instincts say - i'd really hoped it would be more like your experience but it hasn't, and not for want of trying. hard to put my finger on it really. but financially, with the cost of moving etc, we could end up losing lots of money wherever we go. bit lost at the moment!

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1crazymumof2 · 02/10/2007 12:14

lacarte, whereabouts do you live roughly? are there any mumsnet meetups near you?
My parents moved to London 35 years ago and they still don't think of it as home. Maybe wherever you go it will always compare unfavourably.

margoandjerry · 02/10/2007 12:20

lacarte, sympathies. But you'd have a 60-90 minute commute from some places IN London (like where I grew up in SW London).

It's an eternal problem. I live in Central London and fear moving out because I couldn't cope with commuting but if I did move out I think some places are better than other in terms of commute (Essex lines always seem much better served than slow trains in from the SW for example).

Any chance of moving job so at least one of you could be nearer and less tied to a train? I do sympathise because I know how awful it is (grew up doing it - 60 mins to get to school) and I dread having to do it again. Or working from home some days?

Original poster
lacarte · 02/10/2007 12:45

the commute is bad but it's not really the main issue. we both had 40 mins plus across london too. it would be manageable if the rest was good.

we're both sort of tied to london jobwise. i'm on mat leave so in theory should be loving the new area, making the best of it etc, and i am really trying, have signed up to loads of stuff etc, met people, made a few friends but i still keep ending up on rightmove looking for somewhere else to live!

sorry for this whinge.

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ComeOVeneer · 02/10/2007 12:48

Where abouts are you? Are you missing stuff specifical London related or it just doesn't feel right where you are. Was it specifically more space that made you do the move or were there other factors? It is tough. We left a lot of friends and family in London but we are less than an hours drive away and regularly head back or people come to us. But what we have gained has more than made up for it.

DarthVader · 02/10/2007 12:55

what is it that you miss exactly

Original poster
lacarte · 02/10/2007 14:09

it's hard to pinpoint. i miss friends, but also things to do, places to meet (we've moved to a small place with no cafes etc), nice little shops. there are groups here and i've joined things but it's not on your doorstep in the same way. i miss public transport as well as having lots of things in walking distance. i don't like having to get in the car every time we go out. and i really, really miss living in a multicultural city, it's v english & white middle class where we are. but there are loads of positives here (mid beds) i don't want to slate it at all. my ds loves his nursery, it's nice and green around here, we have lots more space, there are nice people etc etc.

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margoandjerry · 02/10/2007 14:12

I would hate to be reliant on a car too. I use mine about once a week and I find it such a drag. Sounds like you'd like to be in a decent provincial town. Guilford? Brighton? Lewes? I think they are all quite spenny but there must be other nice, interesting places with stuff going on and where you coudl walk or get buses etc.

KTeePee · 02/10/2007 14:16

Could you move to a bigger town in the same area so there is more to do within walking distance, etc? I moved out of London before kids and more by luck than judgement ended up in a largish town, plenty to do , loads of cafes now (though there weren't always!) and a fairly easy commute into London. We can now get into central London quicker than from many of the places I lived in London. The only problem you may find is that these sort of places are not much cheaper than London itself....

Have you looked at Luton? Pretty good train service into London, don't know what it is like to live there though....

newgirl · 02/10/2007 14:16

maybe it was a bit drastic your move? is there a large town/city near you that you could afford? st albans/saffron walden/cambridge? You dhave to check the commutes though!

meemar · 02/10/2007 14:29

We made the move from london 5 years ago, and moved to Devon, and it took me about 3 years before I stopped wanting to go back. Fortunately for us it was such a big move that the break seemed more final.

I think the problem is that you are not far enough away from London for it to be out of your system (I'm not suggesting you move to Devon though!). You still see it every day, but only a snapshot and you have all your great memories from living there. This is bound to give you that feeling of 'grass is greener', I still sometimes get it when we visit london.

Give yourself a timeframe. Focus on the reasons you moved away, and the real practicalities of going back.

If it still doesn't feel right to be where you are, follow your heart and go back - it's nothing to feel silly about.

Gobbledispook · 02/10/2007 14:30

Oh no, we left London 7 years ago and neither of us would go back for any amount of money.

Not helpful I know!

Gobbledispook · 02/10/2007 14:34

But we moved to Manchester - so another big city so there's nothing in London that we haven't got here (as far as we are concerned) - dh was born in London and all his family are still there but he would still never go back. Our lifestyle, our house and our schools are way better than we'd have had there.

As others have said, maybe London is your 'home' and you'll always feel like that. I know I do - I was born and brought up here so I feel at home here (dh has just adapted ).

Nothing to feel silly about in moving back though!

admylin · 02/10/2007 14:41

My dh is in London at the moment at a job interview (we're in berlin) and after reading this I just don't know if I should have my fingers crossed for him that he gets it or hope that he doesn't. I'm so scared of moving to London even though we're in a city at the moment. It's not the big city thing, it's more the cost of living, the crowded tube/train/bus if dc have to go further away to school etc and the nightmare of finding a place to rent. From what I read on MN it seems more families try to get out of London than go in to live. Difficult to decide - I think your dc are so small that they could adapt to anywhere. Mine are 7 and 9 and hate Berlin but as a friendly taxi driver told us here, you wait 'til they're 14 and 16 and they'll love it here, so much to do and easy to reach. Same goes for London, when I was a teenager in rural north England I would have given anything to live in London and not have to sit on a bus for over an hour just to get to Carlisle to go shopping in Top Shop!

HairyIrene · 02/10/2007 14:55

i think meemar has good point, you moved out but are still heavily connected to london without the benefits of living here, and extra commute...

this is interesting as i feel the first time in many years of living and loving london that i do truly want to leave, but thinking of much further away

tbh i found i really noticed all the crap and found it hard to stomach the grime, rudeness, crime and stink when i came back from holiday rural peaceful holiday ...

but feel the same re: i like all the mix and bustle of the city, like to walk alot a...and white middle class village driving for miles for some form of civilisation is just my idea of slow hell..

a year and half is long enough i think to know
am sad at pricing out, it happened to us to (within london) its shit

Original poster
lacarte · 02/10/2007 15:08

pricing out is rubbish and getting worse! plus the cost of the move here means if we move again soon we're almost certain to lose out financially.

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Original poster
lacarte · 02/10/2007 15:13

hairyirene that's exactly what i used to say - never ever would i live in a sleepy village! what were we thinking!?

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HairyIrene · 02/10/2007 15:50

lacarte..i grew up in one, so had insider knowledge
dont beat yourself up..you could've spent lots of time regretting not moving iyswim..at least you had guts to do it...
dont panic, at least you now know what you do and dont want and can plan..

sorry about the money involved,i do understand, it takes alot of cash to even think about moving...

Original poster
lacarte · 02/10/2007 20:10

another thing we thought of was renting out our place and then renting somewhere else ... to save on all the costs involved?

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