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Original poster

I am right to tell...aren't i ??

72 replies

doziduck · 15/10/2004 12:15

hope no one thinks i am that T word ( coz i'm not) but this is a bit of a tricky situation.
I am a cleaner, i clean at peoples houses. I clean for a lady who has a 13 year old son who is a real problem. I don't know the full ins and outs of it all but i do know that he has been suspended from school that much that he is now not in school at all until they can sort out what to do with him. I also know he goes to anger management at the hospital.
so, the last few weeks he's been moping round the house while i am cleaning, i have tried to be chatty but he appears shy and awkward. last week and the week before some other boys have been coming round to the house for him, they haven't stayed long but they have been making me very uncomfortable saying things like 'Hey x are you still sh*£%ing the cleaner' etc. I have ignored it completely. Yesterday ,OMG, he had gone upstairs, i went to clean upstairs, his bedroom door was closed right to so i assumed he was in there and pushed open the door to his mums room (which was closed but not right to) and there he was on her bed with his willy in his hand, i darted into the ensuite trying to work out what to do/say and decided to just get out of there. I am not going back but i think i'll have to ring his mum and tell her whats happened, it's so embarassing. DH reckons he's done it on purpose but i don't know what to think. He did look startled but then just put it away and rolled over and stayed on the bed for a while.
Help, this is doing my head in. I have turned it over in my mind that much now that i keep thinking what if i got it wrong and it wasn't how it seemed, but no, i don't really think so. What do i do?

OP posts:
Uwila · 15/10/2004 16:21

SPeaking of cleaners, can I ask what you charge? Do you work through an agency? Or are you self employed?

I very much want a cleaner, but DH is insisting that it isn't in the budget and he can clean the house.... it has yet to happen. To be fair, he does some, but the house is definitely not clean.

Just curious what you charge and what area you work in.

Twinkie · 15/10/2004 16:23

Bet we get a mum on here saying - my cleaner reckons that my son is a complete tearaway and has been saying innappropriate things and mastarbating infront of her - it can't be true he is an angel!!!

ggglimpopo · 15/10/2004 16:24

Message withdrawn

Uwila · 15/10/2004 16:24

yes, ggg, but then you are a responsible parent whose son will probably not act like this when he is 13. That is why I questioned the mom's reaction in the first place. I think that often messed up kids are messed up because they come from messed up parents. So, do we really have enough information here to logically conclude that his boy's mother will behave as you or I would.

Do you think she comes to MN for advice? Or do you think she just leaves her child to misbehave in ways that make you and me cringe?

ggglimpopo · 15/10/2004 16:31

Message withdrawn

secur · 15/10/2004 16:33

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Twinkie · 15/10/2004 16:34

I would deffo tell though can you imagine if you found out that he was some kind of sexual deviant later in life because this weird side of him had never been brought to anyone's attention - not sure how these deviants start but to me 13 is young to be having the confidence to do sexual things like this as a sort of assault - thats what it is - same as a flashier standing somewhere having a fiddle when he knows you are going to walk past!!

lou33 · 15/10/2004 16:36

I would think that the fact he has behavioural problems would make it hard for her to deny that he could be capable of acting in this way.

Uwila · 15/10/2004 16:36

Or you could just not show up for work. My mum used to have a maid. And, when I was born (I am number 4) she never came back to work again. Just never showed up.

I hope it wasn't personal.

secur · 15/10/2004 16:37

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lou33 · 15/10/2004 16:37

What about dropping a letter in or sending an email?

Uwila · 15/10/2004 16:38

And my brother was only 2, so I think he was innocent.

ggglimpopo · 15/10/2004 16:50

Message withdrawn

Original poster
doziduck · 15/10/2004 16:55

Secur and uwila, i work for myself and i charge £5 per hour. I go to an elderly lady on a monday and do..well..very little, she'd rather i sit an chat , my uncle on a wednesday (3hrs) and the one where i have had the trouble on a Thursday (4hrs) i do ironing and cleaning. I live near manchester.
Am seriously considering a change though.

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 15/10/2004 17:13

I'm a bit confused. Is there a problem with this kid apart from you catching him having a wank on his mum's bed? Has he been rude to you or something, doziduck? I'm not sure if I've missed something. I saw in your first post that he has some very silly little friends who you could justifiably complain about, certainly. Is there anything else? If he personally behaved badly to you, I do think you should inform his mother but otherwise I'd probably give him the benefit of the doubt and just let the mother know that I'd decided to move on without specifying why, if I no longer felt comfortable working there.

Maybe I'm being naive but my understanding/experience is that 1)masterbating is 100% normal from puberty onwards and 2)teenagers aren't always very alert to who else is around when nature calls. Lots of people have embarrassing stories about being caught at it by their mam/dad, after all, including me. I really think that it may well have been an accident; if so, chances are that he's already utterly mortified and that telling his mum will be unnecessary in terms of making him aware that, in future, ensuring total privacy is good idea! If it is more serious, then he is getting help already, as tigermoth has said.

Jimjams · 15/10/2004 20:09

agree with scummy. Also just to say don't be too harsh to judge the mother. I know someone in a very similar situation with one of her children - who happens to be the same age (not the jerking off bit but the school problems) and she is a great mum- her younger son has happens to have some major problems and has been badly failed- but not by his mum. Without her he'd be god knows where by now.

Tortington · 15/10/2004 21:53

theres a definate assumption here that 13 year old boys think i can tell you this isn't so.

lou33 · 15/10/2004 22:00
Grin
Flossam · 15/10/2004 22:14

Can't help thinking sorry... Don't know much about teenage boys but from my first sexual experiences... Perhaps he didn't think it would take long to complete the task, in, err, hand and the chances of him getting caught were minimal?

agy · 15/10/2004 22:57

I think you should tell the mother, Doziduck. In fact, I think you should complain to her! Tell her everything - the boys coming to the house, the things they say, and this thing with the son. You are doing a good job for this woman and should be treated with more respect, to say the least.

tigermoth · 16/10/2004 09:13

I think if doziduck leaves her job just a few weeks after this boy has been moping around the house, the mother will probasbly draw her own conclusions. She will know her son has upset doziduck in some way. I wouldn't say anything more unless pushed to by the mother. But if, doziduck you want to keep her job, could you simply request that you clean only when the house is empty and leave it at that?

If this boy had not been suspended from school and was not getting help already, then IMO the situation would be very different. His problems are being recognised already. He is being disciplined. If he was a 'normal schoolboy' I would say say something before I left. Something vague about not being respected, so the parents could tell him off and make him apologise to you.

Beetroot · 16/10/2004 10:02

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