I am right to tell...aren't i ??

[doziduck]

hope no one thinks i am that T word ( coz i'm not) but this is a bit of a tricky situation.
I am a cleaner, i clean at peoples houses. I clean for a lady who has a 13 year old son who is a real problem. I don't know the full ins and outs of it all but i do know that he has been suspended from school that much that he is now not in school at all until they can sort out what to do with him. I also know he goes to anger management at the hospital.
so, the last few weeks he's been moping round the house while i am cleaning, i have tried to be chatty but he appears shy and awkward. last week and the week before some other boys have been coming round to the house for him, they haven't stayed long but they have been making me very uncomfortable saying things like 'Hey x are you still sh*£%ing the cleaner' etc. I have ignored it completely. Yesterday ,OMG, he had gone upstairs, i went to clean upstairs, his bedroom door was closed right to so i assumed he was in there and pushed open the door to his mums room (which was closed but not right to) and there he was on her bed with his willy in his hand, i darted into the ensuite trying to work out what to do/say and decided to just get out of there. I am not going back but i think i'll have to ring his mum and tell her whats happened, it's so embarassing. DH reckons he's done it on purpose but i don't know what to think. He did look startled but then just put it away and rolled over and stayed on the bed for a while.
Help, this is doing my head in. I have turned it over in my mind that much now that i keep thinking what if i got it wrong and it wasn't how it seemed, but no, i don't really think so. What do i do?

Poor you doziduck, how horrible. Very difficult for you that your husband's insisting you tell - I would be inclined just to mention the attitude and ignore the willy. He sounds terribly mixed up.
I think Secur might be right - at that age he's probably been reading porn, and with his mates egging him on genuinely imagined scenarios like the stupid porn stories can happen - where someone walks in and "joins in". He's probably feeling really, really stupid now.
I don't suppose that helps the way you feel though, sorry!

what a palava

I am certain he meant for you to see. It all sounds very staged. And it's just not on. Do you ever see the father? He would be the ideal person to tell as they could have a man to man, and not a horrifying long-lasting impression leaving telliing off from his mum.

Just a thought.

I would say something to the mum I think but not make a huge deal of it. Just say "I wasn't sure whether to tell you but thought you'd rather know."

What's the mum like BTW? DO you get on well with her?

good idea suzy about talking to the dad

I wouldn't be sure it was meant for you, Doziduck - you did say he looked startled by you. He does sound a little odd, but I think if it had been deliberate he would probably have laughed or made it clear that he was doing it on purpose.

There are a number of reasons he may have used his mum's room - do you usually clean his room first? Might he have thought you had cleaned in there already and it was safer to do it there than in his own room? Secur is right in that a lot of teenage boys do pull the pudding where their mum sleeps, it's no big deal really, just part of growing up.

I would give him the benefit of the doubt on that one, after all we all do it (don't we?). Perhaps you could just tell his parents that you find cleaning around him and his friends uncomfortable and would rather clean at a time when the house was empty.

I would say nothing and find another job. That's my advice fwiw.

The incident could be construed in so many ways. It could have been a sinister, premeditated trick, it could have been an accidental, not thought out, bored teenage boy thing. It could have been a bit of both. You will never know. Niether, probabaly, will his mum or dad if they ask him. His mother already knows her son has problems. He is getting treatment. You don't need to put up with this, so leave. If his mother suspects and asks you, then tell her exactly what happened without drawing any conclusions. But only do this is she asks.

yes I agre with tm now

agree with tm - but would go further and say don't tell at all - am concerned for you in case they don't believe you, or start some kind of awful counter-accusation

I was thinking of not telling. Bit worried that if it was all a plan of his then he might say something about me and then his mum would wonder why i hadn't said anything and believe him. Probably wouldn't happen like that though would it?

Why should you leave a job because he can't leave himself alone - I would tell other than him doing this when you are there he should treat you with a bit more respect!!

do you mean i should tell his mum twinkie?

agree with beety, however also think the risk of some sort of counter-accusation would make me leave the job without telling. Hadn't even considered that, and that would be too awful for words!

Bloody hell I would just be honest tell her about the remarks and what you caught him doing and where - if he were to say something first it would look all the more fishy!!

I think in situations like this it is best to be honest and I wouldn't let the little shit get away with you feeling uncomfortable and leaving your job because of him!!

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I just think that your no 1 priority has to be your own personal safety. He may be a sweet boy, or he may be the sort of boy who might end up assaulting you. Being on your own with a strange male in a locked house can be very uncomfortable - I think that if you are getting a funny feeling about it, you should tell the family that you feel very uncomfortable about the situation of him and his male friends being at home when you are cleaning and he has been a bit cheeky to you, and getting in your way when you are cleaning (eg spending time in her bedroom) and you feel very unhappy especially now that he is not a little boy any more. Do you think they would be responsive to something as vague as that? If my ds as a teenager was exploring his sexuality, I would far rather know and have a chat with him about showing proper respect to you, than risk an incident with you and him which could get him into serious trouble.

I agree with ggglimpopo.

I have to say if my boys ever behaved with such rudeness and intimidation to anyone I would have to publically kick their backsides up and down the street while they made a public apology. I would be horrified to find out about the way they treated you.

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I am pretty rigid on good manners and behaviour.

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