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Original poster

Am I being selfish?? Difficult PIL problem, I really need your help!

25 replies

CountessDracula · 01/10/2007 20:27

oh bumbags

MIL and FIL really want to take us all on the Bluebell Railway xmas special thingy near where they live in Sussex, we arranged 2 dates in December that we could do (after much hassle it must be said as weekends are VERY busy in Dec!). So PIL called just now to say the only date he could get was Xmas Eve.

We are at least a 1.5 hour drive away from them. I have them and lots of others coming for Xmas the following day (am catering for at least 12 probably 14) so I am guessing I might have one or two things to do

Plus we always go to a children's carol service on Xmas Eve at the church down the road (we aren't religious it's just a tradition and lots of neighboury friends go) which is at 6pm, we wouldn't be able to make it back in time.

So it would seem fairly clear cut to say no. FIL said he can get a refund.

BUT MIl has been terribly ill this year, I wonder if she will see another xmas quite frankly. She is in her mid 70's and has very acute pustular psoriasis and also a chronic lung disease. I know she would love it and I think I am being a bit selfish, I could do all the shopping over the weekend and miss the Carol service or just get there late. But it is Xmas eve and it will be knackering etc. ARGH.

I really want to say yes
and I really want to say no.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
CountessDracula · 01/10/2007 20:27

Am also VERY selfishly worried that she will totally knacker herself out doing this and not be able to come for xmas

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walbert · 01/10/2007 20:29

Blob off: why not gel pil's to comeover xmas eve and go to mass / service thingy with you instead so they are involvedin a heartwarminvg little festive cheer with kids? Do you think they would go for that?

walbert · 01/10/2007 20:29

Get them, obviously, not gel them. If you gel them, they won't be able to do anything!

TellusMater · 01/10/2007 20:30

I would mutter and moan to myself and dh for the reasons you want to say no.

But I think I would say yes for the same reasons you want to say yes.

TellusMater · 01/10/2007 20:30

Ah.

Now I might take walbert's idea instead...

Original poster
CountessDracula · 01/10/2007 20:31

Well I have nothing to moan about, FIL has said he will happily get a refund and they would understand

They can't come up the night before really, MIL is ill and wants to sleep in her own bed, she is usually very bad in teh mornings so they are coming up about 2pm on Xmas day, SIL doesn't drink so is driving them back

OP posts:
AngharadGoldenhand · 01/10/2007 20:31

Could you go to a different railway's Christmas thingy on another day?

scareybee · 01/10/2007 20:32

So you're seeing them on xmas day? In that case, I'd say thanks but no thanks, especially if you didn't say you could do that date in the first place. Is there any chance you can go after xmas? Some other day (not a weekend) over the xmas hols?

My rule when it comes to 'fun' is that if it's going to stress you out, then it no longer counts as fun and falls into the category of chore instead.

Alternatively, could you get your DH to take the kids while you stay home and get stuff done? You might feel like the skivvy then though, I don't know!

TheWiltedRose · 01/10/2007 20:32

i would go. If this might be your mil last xmas then surely you want to make it special? You can always do the service next year she might not have the chance.

JodieG1 · 01/10/2007 20:32

I would want to say no and usually would had mil not been ill. If this really looks like her last christmas then I think I'd just go and make the best of it.

I know it's hard having loads over for christmas as I had 12 last year and I was 37 weeks pregnant. Made all my own mince pies, christmas puddings, sausage rolls etc and prepared a lot the day before. I think I'd prepare as much as possible before leaving and then get to the carols late and carry on afterwards. It's just one day, once and I think you'll be glad you did if this does turn out to be her last christmas.

Original poster
CountessDracula · 01/10/2007 20:34

Well it won't stress me out if (a) I am organised and have all shopping done, pressies wrapped etc and (b) I don't buy some sodding hting that we have to spend 7 hours constructing for dd on xmas eve

I just had lovely idyllic visions of us all snuggling up roudn the fire after going to church, hanging out stockings etc, not being stuck on the M25 with every other bugger in Southern england

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Original poster
CountessDracula · 01/10/2007 20:35

Jodie I am intrigued at you having sausage rolls for xmas

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LoveMyGirls · 01/10/2007 20:36

I would not go to the carol service because the railway thing sounds like more fun sometimes a change is as good as a rest but i would make sure we left at a decent time and make dp help me with prep for xmas day.

Original poster
CountessDracula · 01/10/2007 20:37

Oh he would anyway
He has booked for 2.30 pm and it takes an hour and a half I think, I guess we could just run off afterwards.

I really wanted xmas eve at home tho

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Crocky · 01/10/2007 20:38

I think I would have to go.
If it is to be her last Christmas it would be a lovely memory for the kids.

LoveMyGirls · 01/10/2007 20:38

You can spend xmas eve at home next year - just make sure you make it clear thats what you intend for next year.

Original poster
CountessDracula · 01/10/2007 20:39

She might get better though

she is a tough old bird

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LoveMyGirls · 01/10/2007 20:40

I hope she does get better but better or not you can still make sure you stay in next year which at the rate life is going at the moment won't be very long away (why is it when you get past 21 the days fly!!)

Crocky · 01/10/2007 20:40

How guilty would you feel if she didn't?

liath · 01/10/2007 20:45

If you don't go then this will be MIL's last Christmas and you'll always feel guilty - if you do then she'll make it into her 80s !

JodieG1 · 01/10/2007 20:46

lol not for dinner! Mini ones as snacks from delia smith.

Original poster
CountessDracula · 01/10/2007 20:50

actually come to think of it it is dh's mother, I should let him decide really. He#s the one who would feel guilty really. If he thinks we should I shall grin and bear it

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Original poster
CountessDracula · 01/10/2007 20:55

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

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ToadieG1 · 01/10/2007 21:11

If you really don't want to then don't as long as you won't regret it.

Original poster
CountessDracula · 02/10/2007 10:29

So, we are going

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