Can I have people thoughts on this please?
My Daughter is 18 and has been in a relationship with this lad for 15 months now.
He treat her like absolute crap for the first 6 months, he was constantly ending the relationship for no reason, messaging other girls and asking to meet them.
DD and him broke up for a month in September and she thought it was for good so tried to move on. Even met someone else. But he soon got scared off (we're presuming by her then ex) and blocked my DD.
The ex then came asking for her back. He admitted he had been keeping an eye on her even though he had blocked her on all social media. First red flag.
She got back with him and it's been downhill from there.
Her life had consisted of work, home, his house at weekends. Crying, shutting herself away in her room. Stopped going out with her friends.
We knew something was wrong but didn't want to interfere. Her friends were worried about her though and would contact me to say he had done this, that or the other. One example was he had gone missing with her bank card, withdrew money and told her she had to live off what he had withdrawn for the rest of the month because she had to learn to budget her money correctly.
Our relationship was almost none existent which really hurt me as we've always been close.
She was snappy, argumentative and horrible when she did speak to me.
2 of her fave sentences were "Stop blaming (the boyfriend) for me being like I am!!!" Note - we had not said a dicky bird about her BF nor had we blamed him for anything. Her second sentence was "I need to progress in life" which again, nobody had said she wasn't progressing.
So fast forward to start of lock down... She gets furloughed from work and is gutted, tried to tell her boyfriend how upset she was but he just had a go at her. She actually told me about it which I was shocked about. But then went on to say that his Dad's exactly the same with his Mum. Another red flag. Infact there's red flags all over.
Then he tries to dump her in lockdown cos she went on house party app and another guy was in their house party. She had to delete the app or risk being dumped.
A few weeks into lockdown and she's almost back to her bubbly, confident outgoing self.
Our relationship, spot on.
When lockdown eased she started back at work and started seeing her pals again. Happy as Larry.
Past 4 weeks she's been telling me she's not sure if she wants to be with the boyfriend. Not only told me but told her cousin who then told her Nan and then I found out. Also, she went out with her cousin in her cousins car but he (the BF) didn't know she was out and tried to call her. She started screaming at my niece"get me home now, get me home quick, he doesn't know I am out!!! "
She saw her friends everyday after work that week, but would turn her mobile data off, and not put it back on again until after 9.30pm because that's what time her BF goes to bed. She was slowly starting to remove him from her screen saver, his name from her instagram bio etc.
Fast forward again to about 2 weeks ago, she ended it with him. I knew it was coming. I just let her crack on. She was opening up a bit to me, saying she's fed up with him, he's too much etc.
But the day after, he comes with the waterworks on, she takes pity on him and gets back with him "cos he started crying". Tbh I think judging by the things ive seen and heard recently, he's probably threatened her with some thing if she leaves....
So last weekend, my son (13) has been on the ipad. DD has linked her phone to it.
We've found screenshotted messages from him saying she needs to face facts, she will never get anyone better, if it came down to it he's more likely to find someone better than her than she is of him, she will never PROGRESS without him, (a word she used to use all the time) and she was lucky to have him. Now these messages were from December last year BUT it was a month and a bit into their fresh start when she was claiming he had changed and he was the best thing since sliced bread while at the same time she was very depressed.
I was livid, I had to say something so I did. I told her it's emotional abuse, if she was under 18 I could go to the police. She said he was drunk when he said it but he doesn't drink so I know she was lying... Drunk or not though, that's his mindset and she needs out ASAP!
She said she was removing her icloud from the ipad and changing th e password.. She hasn't. My Daughter (11) has been on it this weekend and we've found a video of her in the pub telling her friends.."its made me soooo mad (she was livid) that *** come out!! He knew I was in town, what's he coming here for?!!! Now she wasn't meant to see him Friday night, but has ended up staying at his place. But we've found messages from one of her friends asking if she's OK, and why is she still up as she had got back to the boyfriends at 1am but was still awake at 4.30. (no its not drug related before anyone says anything, she's anti drugs and so is he).
She came home yesterday at 10am to grab some clothes, looked like she had been crying and not had a wink of sleep. Came home last night at 9.30 and went straight to bed. I think she tried to get out of seeing him today but he came for her at 10am. She looked like she had just dragged herself out of bed, her eyes were puffy again, she threw some clothes on, brushed her teeth and went. He looked like he had a face like thunder, they hardly even spoke when she got in his car. Before she went though she told me she was in agony with her legs, she could hardly get up. No bruises, as she was wearing shorts, but she said her lower back was hurting too. I told her she's done nothing for her back and legs to be hurting so bad and she didn't reply. He's always taking piss out of her for her bum being small, makes me wonder if he's been making her do squats and that's why she was up all night Friday...
She's turned her mobile data off, she won't reply to me unless it's by secret conversation...
Thoughts please 😣