Heres the scenario............

[pepsi]

I am having a Halloween party for 6 children and am really looking forward to it, have bought loads of decorations am planning some spooky games and of course trick or treating. My neices are two of the children and today their Mum tells me that theres something else they want to do in the evening now and so they will be leaving at 5.00, before its dark!. Im fuming inside as it totally changes things. I know its up to them and I cant force people to do what I want. But morally wants the right thing to do. Once you have accepted an invitation should you abide by it?

Can you invite 2 other children in their place?

Morally yes you ought to...but making people is another thing. Can you not just carry on with the remaining four? Or maybe invite some others to make up the numbers?

Bloody family hay?? It's only family that would think they could get away with doing that. Friends would never dream of letting you down like that!!!!

That is awful how old are neices?

If they are only young could you just say that is not acceptable to their mum. Obviously if they are older they will probably cause a fuss if stopped from going on to whatever it is.

Does the mum know how much trouble you have gone to?

what I mean is that to leave early is unacceptable.

Personally, I'd just shrug it off and forget about it. Is it worth starting an argument over? At least their mother hasn't left it until the last minute to tell you your nieces can't make it after all.

I don't think morals come into it with children - eg if there's something that all your nieces' friends are going to, wouldn't you expect them to want to go to that instead?

I know I should shrug it off, I only found out today because I called her to see how they are all are. The reason they want to leave early is because my brother is mad on Speedway, his local team have their final fixture on the 31st and it starts at 6.00 pm. Up until this point he was working and couldnt come to the party, but it looks now like he will leave work early and come and get them and they will all go. The kids (7 and 5), like going so they will have a good time, but on the other hand they are really excited about the Halloween party. The whole thing is for the family really and the other two children are a very close friends. I dont want a big thing, esp if you are going around neighbours houses knocking on their doors, I would like to go around with a big "gang". I also didnt want to invite children that are connected as you end up having to invite loads so as not to upset anyone. What annoys me is that after I sent out my invites their 5 year old had an invite to another party, my SIL called me to say there was a problem. In the end her and my 5 year old neice decided to come to our house.....because family was more important. Today it seems family isnt more important. Its the conflicting standards that upset me. I know I should get upset about these things at my age but I do. My children 4 and 2 think their cousins are going trick or treating with them and to them thats a big thing.

I know it sounds really simple but why can't the girls stay at the party with their mum and the dad go to the race, or could the girls stay with you for the party and be picked up after the race or is that too late.

I think it is really sad for your children to not have their cousins with them to go trick or treating

I have suggested that, but my SIL seems to think they want to go, but was a bit blurry on what they actually wanted. She said it was their last chance to see their two friends there until the season starts again next March. Their friends incicently live a 3 minute walk from my house so if they really wanted to see them they could. The girls dont actually watch the bikes going around they just run about and stuff. I feel sad they cant to it together. I think Im sensitive because its not uncommon for them to pull out of things at the last minute. I told me little boy tonight that they wont come trick or treating and he is really sad about it. I still have to respect others wishes though dont I. I want to say how I feel but I know it will spark an argument and its one of those no one is right issues. I have said they can stay here, or in fact my hubby could take them home with their Grandparents and they could baby sit until they got back. The bikes wont finish until 9.30 so its a really late night for a school night.

do you mean that it is alright for them to stay at the bikes on a school night until 9.30 but they can't come to the party?

I think they are being really unfair on you and your DS especially.

Why do they not play with these "good" friends inbetween the season end and next one?

What is the distance we are talking about, are you all local to each other?

I have the same problem with my sister and I wrote to her as I was so angry and upset and I ended up being in the wrong with everyone taking sisters side. so it may not be the best thing to do.

Our party starts at 2.00 so theres plenty of time to play games and eat our tea, then as soon as it gets dark its trick or treating, party ends at 7.00 as its a school night. They are saying they can come until 5.00. The bikes starts at 6.00. I felt the same about their friends. If they like each other that much surely they could make some play dates. We all live in the same town, about 15 mins in the car, however my SIL doesnt drive so things are harder for her sometimes. Should I be happy with them coming over the play games. Its a shame though cos the girls have new costumes and lets face it its the trick or treating bit they want. Hubby and I have costumes and hubby has bought 100 thing glow sticks for them adorn themselves with once is dark. I guess I got the hump because I want everything my way and I cant have it. Ive got a vision of what the day will be like and I dont want anyone messing it up. I really want my children to have fond and special memories of their cousins so that when they are older they will have a strong bond. My neices dont have any other family so my children really are all they will have when they are older.

what about your brother going to the bikes a bit late. It seems silly/mad to me that they have got new costumes and won't be able to wear them

I have just asked my DH and he says the clocks should have changed by then and so it will be getting pretty dark by 5.15pm will that solve the problem.

So if you can persuade them to go a bit late to the bikes it will be dark earlier.

Silly about the "friends" and no playdates though.

I just think it's downright rude when you've accepted an invitation and someone is going to such trouble to organise a party.

I'd be hopping - I don't care who it is.

Oooh,you've caught me in a stinker of a mood

I agree with Skate - it is very rude!

I think that you should speak to your brother about it. It sounds like your sil may be in the middle and not have a choice.
And yes it is rude to cancel just because you want to do something else. Had a friend do this with her 2 for my dd's bday party considering there was only one other child coming, I was a little miffed.

Spoke to brother, he is really oblivious to all this going on. He said that chances are he cant get the time of work anyway. I think as far as he is concerned the girls are coming and staying at the party.....he thinks that in the end my SIL wont go.......she is always like this coming one minute and not the next. There are solutions to the problem, but she is not always accepting of solutions. Its just the way she is.

I had an idea...is it possible that your sil is jealous of your ability to organize a party and feels a bit inferior because she can't/won't/doesn't have time to, do the same herself. And therefore she is being a little passive aggressive and trying to ruin the fun a little. I know that doesn't excuse her behavior, but maybe it might help understand it and deal with it. If that is in fact what is going on, maybe you could try to praise her up for other things that she does well (and don't say there isn't anything!) instead of organizing parties and talk down how much time you spent organizing events (so she isn't feeling inadequate). I know you shouldn't have to do that, but it might help improve your relationship with her, which can only be good for your children.

Strange thing is we have a good relationship and we talk several times a week on the phone, there are just other issues with her and she just does things differently to me. she loves her kids to bits and mine too, but I think what she finds hard is continuity. One week she will start a new bedtime routine lets say, and the next week its out the window. Things are very up and down like that. We are very different in our approach to things and we both run our families very differently.

I think you just have to leave it and not get too miffed about it. I'm not saying what she's done is right or wrong but people do things differently. You might find that once the kids are at the party and know that at 5pm the real fun is about to start as they are leaving they'll be none too happy. So you could suggest that it is fine for them to stay and let their Mum & Dad go to the speedway. That way it's the kids who can decide what they really want to do. You could also do as others have suggested and invite a couple of other kids to make up the numbers.

Hope this helps

Message withdrawn

what's the update pepsi?

what happened pepsi?

KangaMummy...in the end everyone came as the bikes was cancelled. We had a lovely time and it was well worth all the effort I went too.