failed (?) abortion

[mi897]

i hope this is allowed & it's ok to talk about abortion on here.

hello, i’m looking for some advice, comfort, anything really.
i had a medical abortion in the uk roughly four weeks ago, i took the post abortion test i was provided with (which measures only above 1000 hcg unlike normal tests) along with a normal pregnancy test. all positive. i have an appointment tomorrow at my nearest clinic (an hour away) to have a scan.
my abortion wasn’t entirely straight forward, i was sure of my decision, i’m 19, going into my second year of university, about four hours away from home where my boyfriend is. i had to visit the clinic three times in order to have the abortion, due to an eating disorder i had to have tests to ensure it was safe etc. it wasn’t the best but i was relieved when i took the pills.

i took the first pill (forgive me i can’t remember the names) at the clinic then inserted the next four into my vagina 24 hours later. i had mild cramping very quickly after (around 30 minutes after) but this wasn’t even as painful as my normal periods. after ten minutes the cramping stopped and i continued to bleed (rather heavily with big clots) for 5/6 hours. then nothing, no light spotting or bleeding in the days following and no pain. i was around 7 weeks when i had the medical abortion, so now about 11.

i am scared of what happens next, the nurse i spoke to on the phone told me that if the abortion was incomplete i would still be bleeding as my body would be trying to get rid of the remaining stuff. but i’m not, which then points towards a failed abortion. but is this possible if i passed so many big clots?

i’m worried, i felt so guilty after my abortion and felt i had made the wrong decision. i’m not sure i can go through it again, but i’m scared that if the fetus was healthy and had a chance at a healthy life my parents would disown me. i know i am an adult but i’m scared.

any advice, or has anyone been through a failed abortion. i’m struggling to find a lot of information on the internet it seems like such a taboo subject.

thank u xx

Hi @mi897, I'm really sorry to hear it's not been the easiest couple of weeks for you. I didn't want to read and run but unfortunately I do not have any advice as have not been through an abortion myself or know anyone that has. I think guilt after something is completely normal especially something as big as this you are bound to feel this way. I think you are very brave for making the decision you have and I hope everything works out for you tomorrow. This is a massive thing to keep to yourself, have you a friend or even your boyfriend you could learn on for support? Are the clinic offering you any counselling? Wishing you all the best and hopefully someone on here will be able to give you some advice. Xxx