Need someone to look at a fax re divorce - anyone who knows about such??

[Twinkie]

Anorka or someone else??

X2b has made a proposal and it is crap - it basically pays of everything that he has in terms of debt and then takes loads of for the things he has paid for during the marriage and then splits the rest 60/40 in his favour!!

I have been up all night wondering what the hell to do - it would leave me with next to nothing for the 5 years that we were together and from he last 2 years when I have had to pay god knows how much in solicitors fees!!

He has also gone self employed - surprise surprise and this means that I have no guarantee that he will continue to pay child support soI literally have no security for DD and I. (DP will support us and if we ever split I am sre he would treat it as if DD was ours and make sure she was adequately looked after but FFS its not his responsibility!!)

Anyway - ANORAK - anyone, just want to know if the points I have brought up are valid or not??

Twinkie - its a long time since my divorce and there were no children involved. However, the basic principles IIRC are:

1. Individual debts are the responsibility of the individual, joint debts will form part of the settlement.
2. If the marriage was a 'short' marriage then account will be taken of any capital brought into the marriage, e.g. if one party paid a big lump sum deposit on the house. We were married for 8 years which was considered to be a marriage of not very long!
3. Pretty much everything else was split 50:50, on a clean break basis - i.e. no one was expecting maintenance from the other.
4. This will be very different because of your DD, but I am not sure how much difference it makes.

Twinkie, I know that you don't want to spend shed loads more on sols costs, but I really do fear that this would be a false economy on your part. You need your solicitor to be sending exocet style letters to him. For what ever reason this doesn;t seem to be happening and he is moseying along with some very strange ideas of how this will all pan out for him. It is in his solicitors interests to keep strining him along as they get more fees out of him, although I have to say that IME most solicitors are actually very ethical in this respect - contrary to popular conceptions!

Thanks Soapbox- I just want it over and done with - he is saying that he paid loads of debts off that were just mine and that he owned our first house before we met which is why I wasn't on the mortgage when we actually chose our house togther and I wasn;t on the mortgage because I was stupid and niave and didn't insist on it - then when I brought it up when we were married he said that as we were married it did not matter as half of everything was mine anyway!!

My solicitor is being good but I think she is trying to be as reasonable as I want to be and not to piss him off anymore as then we won't have any hope of him settling at the FDH which is what I want more than anything because I don't think I can go on with this any longer let alone afford to pay huge solicitors fees!!

Just got 2 weeks and 2 days to wait now to see what a judge makes of it all!! X2B is infcat not saying anything about us having a DD in any of the paperwork except to say that he is paying Child Support (yes ata rate of 47 quid a week after a huge long battle to get anything out of him!!)

AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!

I honestly think that the person with the most aggressive lawyer tends to get most and courts seem keen to 'compromise' so if you ask for 100% and he asks for 60% you will do better than if you ask for 505 and he asks for 60%. I think your lawyer needs to send some scary letters, make a big, 'unreasonable' demand, and then let the judge decide after that. I think you should ask for at least 60% as you have the child and aren't looking for any personal maintenance (child support doesn't count as that will always be a joint responsibility). And say that he should pay off his debts out of his 40% or less (maybe suggest an 80/20 split just to scare the pants off him and leave a bigger margin for a compromise in your favour). Point out that he was violent so you were forced into keeping your name off the mortagage as you were in an abusive marriage and he coerced you. Also that he has kept your stuff, and forced you into a battle over dd. He's been a total bastard to don't worry about sounding reasonable, IME that actually goes against you in court. And remember, whatever you demand now, the judge will be seeing you in two weeks so do it quickly and it will all be over quite soon.

Thanks Aloha - I just don't want the judge to think that I am a greedy x as I have a house to live in (although not mine so again I could be chucked out although DP would never act like x2b has!!).

He is just acting like I have made no contribution and it annoys me sooo much - I was a SAHM and a childminder and even a bloody cleaner to make ends meet and out food on the table and he is acting like I sat at home and filed my nails all day!!

I have asked for 50% and we both pay off our own debts as I thuoght this reasonable but he wants evertything of his paid off as well as a percentage for the deposit he put own on our first house as well as a percentage for the fact that he has paid the mortgage solely on our house for the last 2 years as well as some money for the car we have and some he owes his mother.

He is offering me anything I want out of the house though - after 2 years of it being misused by him and stinking of smoke!!!

Think I will do as you say and ask for a rideculous amount and then come down so I look reasonable rather than just being reasonable!!

Hmm, well you don't actually own any property apart from that house, and have no security (on paper at least) so I don't think his argument is any good there. Also, he only paid the whole mortgage because he threw you out - so that's a rubbish argument too! Plus you have had trauma and costs associated with being made homeless by him. Put all that in!! Money he owes his mum has ZILCH to do with your divorce settlement too. Don't let him get to you though. This isn't about you, it's about his desire to have a lot more money than he is entitled to. Send him a zinging letter back and remember, the judge's decision at the next hearing will pretty much let you both know what you could expect when and if you go to court finally, so it might make him a little more realistic. And of course, he wouldn't have all his debts if he'd not been violent, not thrown you out of your own home and not kept your daughter away from you, so I might feel inclined to point that out too!

BTW I think your offer was more than reasonable! Generous even.

Thanks Chuck - I am the most reasonable person on the planet you know!!