WWYD? Ex MIL and birthday presents

[newlifenewname]

My ex MIL, while quite selfish and manipulative at times, is quite generous and kind really. She buys my ds2 (not her grandson) Christmas and birthday presents every year so he doesn't feel left out when my two elder dc receive presents from her.

One of her things is that she always buys all the children a present when it is birthday time for one of them. I don't agree with this as it encourages them to think they need a present just because someone else is getting one. I minded less when they were little but they are all old enough now to cope with the notion that it is somebody else's special day and that there birthday will come around.

If she weren't being so amazingly good natured by giving my son a b.day present when she isn't even his grandmother I'd have no qualms explaining this to he. It is ds2's b.day tomorrow and we've received a parcel addressed to all 3 dc with presents for each inside. I want to save the other 2's presents until next celebration. Is this fair?

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Surely if it's her money, how she chooses to spend it is her affair.

I'd leave well alone, especially if she's the only one doing it - she sounds really kind to me and I think you're lucky. The birthday boy/ girl presumably gets a lot more than the others on his/ her particular day so I can't see it's going to cause many problems really.

Yes but you could surely apply that rule to all kinds of inappropriateness??

They get about the same each. I'm in doubt about the kindness but what do I do about my concerns about them not being overly spoilt. I don't mind occasional spoiling but I don't want there to be this kind of 'I must get a present' expectation - it won't make them nice to know at parties!

What I meant was that the dc whose birthday it is will get far more presents than the others anyway, so it is still a special day for them.

It is only one thing for the others on the day , although I can understand where you're coming from I wouldn't imagine that this happening 3 times a year will lead to your dcs being spoilt.

As long as they understand that that's what she does and no one else does it I can't see why it's a problem.

That's true, she is the only one who does it and, like you say, it is only a few times a year.

I am a control freak though and don't particularly cope well with people trampling over my parenting ethos (on the days I have one).

I am a control freak too!

Am dreading having dc3 as will be with new MIL and I have a feeling that there will be clashed of titan like proportion!!

clashes

I think it's fine. My mum used to get me or my brother a little present on each other's birthday too.
I didn't grow up to expect this (although it would be nice ) but I did appreciate it at the time.

also your kids probably realise that this is just something grandma does and they don't expect it from everyone- it's one of those little things they'll look back on fondly

Okay, I think I'm being a cow bag. She totally has her heart in the right place and as much as we are verrrry different I've always respected and loved her for making my ds feel included.
Wisteria, hope your situation works out smoothly.Not everyone has the graciousness and maturity to make these family dynamics 'work' iyswim. Not sure I do

my dad also soes this just buys dd1 something on dd2 bday, adn the other way round

my MIL does this too and it drives me bonkers...
However.... the ones whose birthday it isn't do only get one present from her and I have tried not to let it bother me as there are bound to be plenty more important things to worry about

newlife - 'people trampling over my parenting ethos (on the days I have one)' My MIL is always doing this and it drived me mad. (surely she should be able to keep up with my constant ethos changes? ) However, she is also lovely and generous, so I simply remind myself that it's only her doing those things and not me, so I can feel secure in the knowledge that I have fantastic parenting skills and don't spoil my children