Whatever we buy, she buys too!

[Levanna]

This really does drive me mad! My MIL, without fail always asks what we are getting DD (now DD1 and newly arrived DD2) for Christmas, then without fail gets her exactly whatever it is we said we were getting her. Last Christmas I made a point of telling MIL how I would really like to be the one to get DD her first 'proper' doll. Well, I did like the thought of it, but it was also a way (I thought) to highlight to MIL not to get one and to choose something else. Lo and behold, she bought her one too. Though prior to me actually buying one thankfully, so we got her something else instead. Then at DD's birthday, the problem escalated to the point that DD received exact copies of all our presents to her under the guise of being from members of DH's family, but actually bought by MIL. This year, I'm going to keep our intentions well and truly under my hat! But, has anyone come across this sort of behaviour before? I was absolutely fuming and upset to see DD opening her birthday pressies; pulling the same thing out of wrappers again and again and looking faily bemused. Why on earth would a supposedly loving granparent go to such lengths and to acheive what?

Very odd behaviour from MIL! The solution is simple: Just have two pressie lists in mind, one for you(a) and one for her(b). When she asks, tell her you're getting (b) for DD. The you buy (a) like you wanted to and she'll get (b), so DD gets two nice but different pressies. If MIL queries it, just say you changed your mind!

80sMum, I like your style!

Message withdrawn

Was your MIL there when your DD opened her duplicate presents, Levanna?

I'd go with 80sMum suggestion but when MIL queries it, tell her it's because she always goes out and buys what you said you were getting your DD.

What a silly woman. I can't imagine what she thinks she's doing. Unless she thinks she's asking you what she should get your DD (which doesn't explain the doll though.)

That would drive me nuts too Levanna. My MIL just gives dosh to do with as we please for DD and my own Mum always asks first as to what she needs and makes sure it doesn't clash with anything we want to get her.

80sMum has the answer though - separate lists.

My m-i-l does this too. It's bloody irritating and I've got no idea why she does it. Sorry, not much help!

How completely weird! 80sMum has the answer, and it might actually get her to say why she does this... doubt it though

how about saying something like, "we have bought her this beautiful doll, but she really needs clothes, accessories, pram etc- could you get her those?" Write it down if necessary.

Or else, arrange a shopping trip with her to buy the presents, so that between you she gets a nice selection!

How old is she? Is she getting a bit be-fuddled in her head?!! Sorry, didn't mean to be rude. I'd confront her with it- ask her why, tell her how upsetting it is for DD.

Doesn't it sound like she's confused about what "we" means and she means you two and her, and you mean you and your dh? I really like it when Mum asks me for recommendations for ds's birthday and Xmas. She and Dad take everything I say to heart, even if I stress that they are only ideas and not to spend too much, and they really enjoy going shopping together for the gifts. If something is hard to find, they enjoy getting it because they know I am short of time. They didn't have so much spare cash when we were young.

I have a BIL and his partner, who always ask me what ds wants for birthday/christmas, and then don't buy anything I've suggested. On the last 2 occasions they have also turned up with presents more than a week later (I'm convinced they bought his Christmas present in the Jan sales last time)

This time they turned up with a gym bag for school, 3 weeks after term had started so we had already had to get him one, and a box to keep his hotwheels cars in. The box was empty, I couldn't understand why they hadn't put 1 or 2 cars inside. You can imagine a 5 y.o.'s face opening a box that has pictures of cars on the outside, to discover it's empty!

Blimey, at least she's interested. My mother would be happy if Christmas didn't exist it's all too much bother with her to get anything for anyone.

Give your MIL a list of her own.

If I were you I'd just go down the blunt road and next time she asks you what you're getting say "I'm sorry I can't tell you but I know you'd go out and buy the same thing" - might spark an argument but at least it makes things very clear. But that's only if you think she's doing it on purpose - if it's that she's getting confused for some reason, then the 2 list thing or telling her what to buy would work far better.

my sister always likes to get my children something really expensive and something they really really want like last year a PS2 for ds. I think its because she likes to be the one who buys the fave present. I personally am glad she likes to spend her money .