Why is my friend ignoring my good news?

[Emms1979]

Hi,

I've been friends with my friend for 37 years and although we live quite far we used to talk on what's app everyday.
Over the last year I noticed she wasn't really listening to what I was saying it was like she would always want to say what she wants and start ignoring what I would say.

There were days where we would send voice notes as we were both quite busy with our kids to chat on the phone and found if I had a bad day I would rant over it in w voice note and she would do the same I wouldn't dream of ignoring what she would say but she wouldn't always say anything to mine anyway the beginning of March I got a new job and was happy and excited so I messaged her and sent a voice note. We sent a few messages back and forth but she didn't say well done or congratulations. 6 hours later she responded to a message I sent not work related so meant she would of scrolled up to see it but still said nothing about the job. I knew she listened to it and read it too so then I started to ignore her messages.
I feel like this is like playing games a few days later she messaged me how you getting on with the job search I told her I I had got the job and sent messages she said OMG how did I not see.
Then said congratulations.

I don't know why she is being like this. As she used to always respond to messages and something like a new job, a new car a new baby etc is not one to be missed by a good friend so I thought.

Anyway the job I got is a temporary one and started it the week before the lockdown luckily they have kept us on.
I've listened and responded to my friend and her problems with her job and always respond never ignore.

Today she messaged via voice note asked me how my weeks been said how hers was. I told her i has taken my car for an oil change then I told her I was happy with good news that the company I work for are extending my contract for another 3 months as they are happy with the work I do.
Yet again I got no response to the good news just that's good glad to hear you are getting your car sorted and rambles on about something else.

I just feel like it's games and next time she messages me with some exciting news maybe it best I ignore her too, difficult one what to say or not to say. But this has happened twice now.

I know I shouldn't be bothered by it but feel like she's doing it on purpose.

I understand where you are coming from, it is frustrating when a friendship becomes one sided like this. My best friend from school became like this and I just accepted it because she had a very busy life with children and work. I would send a message and she would ignore most of it and talk about other stuff.
It’s a shame because you’ve had such a long friendship and talked over the years about everything and for it to suddenly change like this is hard to deal with.
I think you maybe need to accept this is the new normal. Maybe don’t rush to message her back and see what happens. Or be open with her about how it makes you feel.
Do you have other friends you are close to? Maybe when lockdown ends it’s time to make some new friendships.

Oh and well done on the job!

Either she’s your friend or she isn’t. Treat her how you’d like to be treated, don’t play games or tit for tat. She’s hurt your feelings and you don’t feel heard, you could tell her that if you feel she’d take it well. None of us are perfect. If you feel you want to keep what sounds like a supportive relationship, apart from this, then try and move past it.

If you feel like it’s run it’s course then that’s a different story.

And yes, good news on the work, not easy in the current situation!

I totally understand, it hurts when you feel someone (a good friend) isn’t listening. But, it’s whatsapp, you both have young(ish?) kids, messages are best kept to a few lines at best, especially if people are viewing on a phone. It’s easy to scroll down and, if reading a lot on a small screen, just remember the last few bits.

I don’t have young kids but I msg on WhatsApp with my sister. There are occasions when I’ve thought ‘she hasn’t responded to x’ more than a couple of times but, it’s clear when I’ve spoken on the phone, and she asks something that it hasn’t registered that I even messaged about it. We are best friends & believe me she wouldn’t hold back on an opinion so I know, if I don’t get an answer on WhatsApp, then I get a rant on the phone (usually a DM situation) then I KNOW she didn’t register the topic on WhatsApp. I don’t hold it against her.
Im just saying it’s easily missed so don’t necessarily think the worst.

So she missed the message where you'd got a new job, but then specifically asked you about your job hunt, then congratulated you when you told her you did have a job??

And when you told her you being kept on and getting your car sorted she responded 'that's good'.

Yeah she sounds like a right cow, showing interest in your life and acknowledging good things

You sound hard work and a drama-llama, you clearly don't like your friend very much and feel like she's not appropriately delighted for you.

I'd cut her loose, then she doesn't have to worry about continually failing to meet your expectations.

Errrrr... it sounded like she missed your voice call . She was excited and congratulated you when you talked about the new job.

Seriously, you need to chill