Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

christmas grief

19 replies

alexsmum · 10/10/2004 10:40

Last year my mum and dad spent christmas with my sister's family,and my mum said that she wanted to spend this christmas at home.So we had thought 'great,we will be able to see them this year'.Anyway, yesterday she told me that they are going to sister's again for christmas AND new year, and that my brother is going to his in-laws house.So everyone has made their plans without including us at all.Dh's parents live abroad and probably won't be able to get home and his sister always works over christmas anyway.
My sister NEVER invites us up ever, and last year we had said we would drive up and spend the day after boxing day with them ( and m&d) only to have her get my mum to phone at the last minute saying 'don't come, because the dogs can't be trusted round the baby '.
I am really hurt by all this.I feel like I am always taking other people into account and they they do things like this and show me that really they don't give a sh**.
What should I do???? Have a row about it? Or just organise a lovely christmas for us and bugger everyone else???

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 10/10/2004 10:47

Organise a lovely christmas for yourselves and bugger everyone else!

If you really want to see your mum and dad, can't you tell them that you would have like to have seen them this year and suggest they go up to your sisters on boxing day instead?

wobblyknicks · 10/10/2004 10:52

Definitely organise a lovely Xmas for yourselves and forget the rest of them!! If I was your sis and the dogs really were a problem I'd keep them shut away from the baby or even put them in kennels for a day, rather than exclude family!!

gscrym · 10/10/2004 10:53

Phone your sister and invite yourself this year. Play on the fact that yet again your parents won't get to see their grandkids and that you'd like to see them.
Either that or ask if DH's parents would like you to go to them (if financially poss). That way they get the pleasure of the grand kids at Christmas and you all go somewhere nice.
No matter what, make sure you have a lovely Christmas.

jampot · 10/10/2004 10:55

Organise a lovely Xmas with just your children and dh and enjoy it completely and unconditionally. We never get invited to my sisters' houses and inlaws live abroad although are threatening to be here this year . The stance we have taken is we will not be entertaining anyone for any xmas gettogether until we are invited there first. We always end up footing the food and drink bill and then also left with the clearing up. We have entertained both of my sisters one year, my twin sister 2 years, my inlaws twice and we now just say we are having xmas at home on our own.

deegward · 10/10/2004 10:55

Ooohh families, head tells me to tell you to have a lovely Christmas without them, but my heart would have to have the argument - sorry . I wouldn't feel as though I had closure without it.

I would say something like... "I understand that you want to spend Christmas etc with sister, its just that I feel very left out by your actions. I thought that you would want to see your grandchild X at some point over the festive period. I know I shouldn't be as there is probably a very reasonable explanation to your action, its just my feelings have been hurt. Is there someway we can organise to see you over the festive period?"

I lie, I would probably want to say above, but cry and say why don't you want to be with me? Big hugs from us, as families are hard work.

Original poster
alexsmum · 10/10/2004 10:56

Oh soupy I've already had this conversation.I said to mum when she told me, oh thanks a lot, we were planning on having christmas with you this year, i didin't realise we had to book you so far in advance'kind of thing and said well, do you think we could spend next christmas with you?? Did it in a jokey way. They can't go up for boxing day really.Sis lives in the middle of nowhere and m&d don't drive.She will come and pick them up on christmas eve( thereby ensuring we don't get to see them christmas eve either!!!)
Do you know what really bugs me soupy??? They hardly ever see my sister.She never phones and hardly visits.Unlike me who is the one who sees them often always phones to check they are ok,does jobs for them,etc.and she just waltzes in like the bloody prodigal daughter and they fall at her feet.
God you would think we were still littlies wouldn't you? Competing for our parents attention.

OP posts:
jampot · 10/10/2004 10:58

deegward - I can't see how that can cause an argument - its realistic to expect to see yoru parents at some point and maybe they just don't realise.

jampot · 10/10/2004 10:58

You could always come to me

deegward · 10/10/2004 11:00

By argument I mean fighting corner, I know from my family (well in laws) that its not what I have said, its just the fact I DARE say anything at all!

Original poster
alexsmum · 10/10/2004 11:01

In laws broached the subject of us going to them for christmas and offered to pay for flights, but there's no way as they live in a war zone!!! Literally.

OP posts:
gscrym · 10/10/2004 11:39

They sound like they really want to spend Christmas with you. Talk them into coming over and making a bit of a holiday of it. They could also see DH's sister while they're here. It might be just the thing to give them a break from the war zone they live in.
You could also offer to take your parents to your sister for New Year. That way, they spend Christmas with you and New Year with her. If that doesn't work, call your sister and fight your corner.

Lisa78 · 10/10/2004 13:28

Agree with gscrym

Does your sister not realise what is happening here? I would really talk it thru with her and your parents, get it all out into the open

Good luck!

pixiefish · 10/10/2004 13:44

alexsmum- sorry you're having this bother- i personally find in life that the more you do, the motr people expect you to do and the less respect you get.
have a lovely christmas at home- if inlaws can come great- if not just enjoy your family time and don't let your sister get you down
In thr words of that famous Welsh playwright Dylan Thomas- LLAMEDOS!
(just had a thought- can you afford/be bothered to go away yourselves for a few days?)

Original poster
alexsmum · 10/10/2004 19:18

ok, I'm still very pissed off about this but have decided to concentrate on making this a wonderful christmas for MY family, and I'm going to stop being so 'on tap' i think.Like someone said if the in laws can get home, great, if not me and my boys will have a lovely time and sod the lot of them.
I don't want to end up having an argument because my mum has a lot on her mind at the mo( her sister is vvvv ill in hosp)and I don't want to upset her further.

OP posts:
Original poster
alexsmum · 16/10/2004 10:32

Guess what???? My in laws are coming for christmas!!!!!! I am absolutely thrilled!!!! This is going to make christmas SO special!!!!
Got an inspiration now to get the house sorted!!!!
Just wanted to share this with those of you who posted on this thread, thanks for your support!!!1

OP posts:
agy · 16/10/2004 10:43

Oh, that is so good! I didn't post but I did feel sorry about it! Hope you have a lovely one!

jampot · 16/10/2004 10:44

brilliant news alexmum v happy for you. I can report mine aren't coming

JoolsToo · 16/10/2004 10:56

alexsmum - really pleased you in-laws are coming for Xmas but as to your own family - I think the reason is in one of your posts when you say - your mum and dad hardly ever see your sister but they see you lots - they probably feel bad about not seeing you at Xmas but if its the only chance to get to see your sisters family I think thats why they go there - it won't matter to your mum the reasons why she hardly sees your sister she just knows she wants to see her. Don't think she feels any less about you.

agy · 16/10/2004 11:01

LOL Jampot!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page