Breakdown of relationship. Partner cheating but fails to see as cheating..

[Suns00]

I have been with my partner for what would be 15 years later this year. We've been having some problems the last few months, arguing alot, not talking as much and intimacy was very little. I thought it was something we could work on as we have children together. My partner or ex should I say literally just woke up one morning and decided in his head that our relationship was over but failed to tell me and so the cheating began but of course it's not cheating to him because he decided we were over. It's been since early Feb this year that things got quite bad, bad as in no talking at all. So of course to break the ice I tried getting intimate with him but to no avail. He would push me away. This was something we always did after arguing, we'd use intimacy as making up but of course it wasn't working this time. Never in a million years did I think there'd be another woman in the picture. And so he began going out alot and then of course his phone kept going off alot, the usual signs of cheating. He even began going away on the Friday and then returning on the Sunday. If I asked where he was he'd simply say 'out' and then shut me down for constantly bugging him. There was no bugging from my end, simply asking where he keeps disappearing to and who with. Eventually he admitted that he's seeing somebody else and of course my world came crumbling down. On top of that my father suddenly got poorly and passed away. Not once did he ask me if I was OK or try to cuddle or comfort me in any way.
I'm now struggling with my emotions. Grieving for my father and dealing with heartbreak. The pain is immense and I spend most days in tears. I'm not eating or sleeping which has resulted in major weight loss.
I've made it clear that I would like to start a new life with him, new beginnings and all, fresh start so we can be happy again as I love him dearly. He however has little intention of doing the same. He sleeps on the sofa and literally will not let me near him although we have actually been intimate a few times since he admitted to seeing someone else so I'm struggling with my emotions more now. I know it may very well just be sex for him but obviously not for me.
Instead he continues to disappear on weekends which clearly he's spending with his new slut!
I dunno what I'm hoping to achieve by posting on here but I felt I needed some advice from strangers who are less judgemental.
I know what I need to do, tell him to get out blah blah but I love him... I want to hate him but I just can't and you'd think this other woman would be the kick that I needed to begin hating him but it's like I love him more. I'm stuck in this rut, spending most my time crying and I'm so sick of it. I just want him to hold me and tell me its going to be ok...

Firstly, I am so so sorry about the loss of your father 💔 I can't even imagine the pain you're going through.

I don't know what to say about your Husband other than I know exactly what you're going through. It's so strange that our husband/SO can do something so hurtful, so gut wrenchingly painful and yet we want them more. I think this is almost like an unconscious battle, he's mine, he wants me more than you, I'll win... if you like. All I can say is in my case it didn't last, eventually I had to look at the situation I was in, gather up all my self esteem and pride (at least what I had left) and realise I deserved much much better, the same goes for you. You deserve a love with the same passion and commitment that you give. It's true what they say it really does all boil down to self love. You have all you need within your self and from the love that your children undoubtedly provide! That truly is unconditional. I'm so sorry you're not getting the support and comfort you so desperately need in this moment. One thing is he will never ever have the power to hurt you like this again that I promise you. Only time will tell what happens and I hope whatever you decide you're ultimately happy. We're only here once and as scary as it may seem, starting over can be the best thing in life! It was in my case.

Xxx

Sorry your going through this, how awful 😩 in my honest opinion he needs to move out and stop messing with your emotions. He really is having the best of both worlds, disappearing when he wants but then coming home to you. Get rid of him, it will never get better. Sounds like He's checked out and using you.

I understand what you're saying and believe me I know what I need to do. The only thing is I don't want to. I'm hoping he'll wake up one morning, have some form of clarification and realise it's me that he loves and he simply lost his way. Long shot I know and probably almost impossible but I really love him. And sometimes I think maybe having him like this is better than not having him at all. He still doesn't talk to me and will literally role his eyes and mutter 'omg' when I open my mouth like he hates the sound of my voice. Someone said that's a form of emotional abuse. He calls me crazy and all sorts. I want to hate him but I just can't find it in me. Our children are aware that he has someone else but of course being children they don't quite understand the severity of the situation. For them it's no different because he's still living here and acting the same with them but they also know that come Friday, their dad is gone for the weekend. You're right though, he is having the best of both worlds. Stays home during the week and has me cooking and cleaning for him, then gets his leg over with the slut on the weekends. He even takes spare clothing with him and keeps a set at the sluts place, he's so sneaky about everything, no idea why cos he's admitted to having someone else.
I just want this pain to go. My eyes just aren't drying.. It pains me that he sleeps on the sofa. He goes for a walk every night for about 1 and half - 2 hours but that's only to talk to slut on the phone (he never goes for walks BTW).
I know I'm getting walked all over. I'm just so stuck in this rut and quite honestly, I'm not sure I want to get out if it means losing him completely though you might say I already have..