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Original poster

birthday party..what to do about those who don't reply

28 replies

krocket · 05/10/2004 14:44

OK, DS's party on sat, have invited 8 people from his nursery (invites went out last wed), have only had 2 replies. I know they're not on holiday as have seen the kids when go to pick up ds.

Do I:
a) just ignore and assume not coming
b) put a note in saying "please could you let me know if you'll be able to make xxx's party. many thanks"
or does that make me look like a desperado?

OP posts:
grumpyfrumpy · 05/10/2004 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Angeliz · 05/10/2004 14:48

I'd chase them up too.
When is the party, have they much time left?

Original poster
krocket · 05/10/2004 14:48

yes I did check and they say they have.

OP posts:
Tessiebear · 05/10/2004 14:48

Not desperate - just organized - i always try and catch the parents at school/nursery and casually ask them - you need to know for numbers. If someone doesnt tell me by the day i tend to pressume that they are coming just so that i do not end up a party bag short if they turn up

KateandtheGirls · 05/10/2004 14:49

It's really rude isn't it? I invited 6 kids from my daughter's class to her party, and on the invitation it said RSVP by Sep 3 and I gave my phone number and email address. 2 of them never replied, but I had to assume they were coming, in case they showed up and we didn't have stuff for them. They never did show up so I assume that was why they didn't feel the need to RSVP, but to me you should RSVP whether or not you're coming. Next year I plan to ask them to respond either way.

You could try a note, saying something like you need to make sure you have enough supplies which is why you need to know one way or the other.

binkie · 05/10/2004 14:49

Do do the note - the nice parents will not mind being reminded, and it is entirely likely some of your invites haven't got through. Just for info, per another thread the "norm" for answering seems to be the end of the week when invite was given.

There is a party coming up on Sat for one of my dd's friends at school - they're still at the age for mass class parties - but we haven't had an invite & I am as sure as I can be it is a mistake - but of course can't call them Just In Case. But unless the parents do what you're suggesting dd will miss out!

Original poster
krocket · 05/10/2004 14:50

the party is on sat but I need to know for numbers by thursdayish. I think deep down I don't like it because it makes me think ds is not popular which is rubbish because he's only 3 FGS!

OP posts:
princesspeahead · 05/10/2004 14:51

I had the same thing - 16 invites, 8 replies. Called them all up yesterday and said I needed to work out numbers, was Jonny coming? Kept the tone very light. 4 of the children (two sets of twins) had chickenpox (very frazzled sounding mothers!) and the other 4 were just disorganised. No one minded me phoning...

Angeliz · 05/10/2004 14:51

Oh binkie, i hope they call you.
Does dd realise?

Angeliz · 05/10/2004 14:51

I'm sure it's not that krocket+

princesspeahead · 05/10/2004 14:52

by the way our party is on sat too by the way! I shall think of you. But ours is a 4th, not a 3rd.

Oh, and the other 4 who didn't reply ARE coming now, FWIW.

KateandtheGirls · 05/10/2004 14:55

The problem is (and correct me if I'm wrong) that these are children from your son's nursery, so you probably don't know their parents, let alone their phone numbers. If the parents are friends I think it's easy to call them and just casually ask.

Original poster
krocket · 05/10/2004 14:55

thing is I don't have numbers for any of them and I don't think nursery would give them out. (he does, BTW, have other friends coming - poor lad, making him look like a right billy no mates!)

OP posts:
Twinkie · 05/10/2004 14:56

Oooohhhhh this really gets to me - we had 3 that didn't reply so I went up to them and asked them -One did religeuosy things with the rest of their community so DS did not go to parties - I asked whether it was part of their religeon to be polite because to me it was just manners and they should have at least replied!!

One was taking DD to some sort of festival - the one where it is in a muddy field and did not even think about replying - again I reminded her that it was good manners.

One said she had not received the invite to which I said that was not possible as all the other children had - she them said she would tell me the next day and lo and behold the kid didn't turn up to school!! - I will never again invite these kids and it is their parents fault - bloody rude people!!

Mind you out of the kids that did come I dodn;t like most of them and so will eb inviting 3 friends to accompany DD to a Pizza Express party next year instead.

Just ask them!! (And then silently fume that they are rude parents!!)

binkie · 05/10/2004 14:58

angeliz, sweet of you - luckily dd's very much a cheery live for the moment person so will bounce on to the next thing - which intriguingly enough will be her own birthday party, to which we certainly will ask this child.

princesspeahead · 05/10/2004 15:04

my nursery prints out a list of children's names and phone numbers which makes life much easier when planning parties

woodpops · 05/10/2004 15:14

Just mention it to nursery when you pick ds up. To me it's really bad manners not to reply. All but 1 from nursery replied to my ds invites so I just said to nursery when I picked up ds that I hadn't heard anything from so and so. Plus I didn't know who he or his mother was. They mentioned it to her and the reply came through the door the following day!!!

Nimme · 05/10/2004 15:30

c) give them a right bollocking

It is so rude and yet seems to happen all the time. Definitely chase them up.

Original poster
krocket · 05/10/2004 15:32

I'm so glad everyone else thinks it's rude. I just don't understand how someone can't have 2 mins to phone up and say, sorry can't make it or whatever.

OP posts:
eefs · 05/10/2004 15:32

Jeez - don't mess with Twinkie
did you really ask them if it was part of their religion to be polite??

Original poster
krocket · 05/10/2004 15:34

eefs

I wish I was more assertive instead of weedling about worrying about whether to send a note

OP posts:
JulieF · 05/10/2004 23:47

I would definately come under the disorganised category. I am forever having to be reminded about such things. I always mean to rsvp but never seem to get the chance in the day and whenever I think about phoning its too late at night.

I'm sure people are not deliberately rude, just trying to juggle their lives.

mummyloves · 06/10/2004 00:01

Oh I'm so ashamed..... I'm definitely in the disorganised category and I'm not the one who takes DS to nursery or picks him up, hence I don't really know any of the mums. DS has only had two party invites. The first one I remembered to RSVP, the second one, which was only last weekend, I'm ashamed to say I just turned up as I'd remembered it at the last minute. I was so embarassed at the door and it was pointed out that they thought DS wasn't coming. I really didn't think of the consequences to the parents cos of so much else going on. Maybe if they knew me they'd know but there's no excuse. Sorry for having been a first time offending mum. I'll certainly be replying in future!.

Gomez · 06/10/2004 00:06

Alternatively - DD1 has missed 3 parties ( and we haven't responded to the invite) because DH picked her up the day the invites were issued and I didn't know about them. Of course they were found stuffed in the door of DHs car weeks later! I did however make him call and aplogise to all three mothers who I later found out pi**ed themselves laughing. So the moral of this story is don't presume they are being rude, perhaps the invite has been 'lost in the post' so to speak!

nikkim · 06/10/2004 00:07

I have forgotten to RSVP before I am just as scatty as hell, rather than rude but I can appreciate how annoying it is after organising a party for my ownndd and fretting over people who hadn'r RSVPd.

dd has a party this weekend and I have lost invite - but did manage to catch the mum at my own dd birthday party.

And miracle of mircles she came home with another invite today and I wrote it in my diary and on the backboard in the kitchen! I will turn over that new leaf and be a super organised mummy.