Hi guys, I’m sorry I’m new to this! But I just need some advice, or a vent I’m not sure which one?!
I’ve been with my boyfriend for three and a half years. We have one daughter who is 15 months old.
When our daughter was born he had a really hard time adjusting to being a dad, he’s quite selfish and can be really mean when he’s agitated or doesn’t get his own way. He’s said some nasty things about my weight and other things a couple of times since the baby was born, but Has apologised afterwards and we’ve moved on.
Recently we have been arguing like cat and dog and just don’t seem to share the same values anymore. He goes on lads holidays and drinks with his friends most nights when I’m in looking after our baby. He very rarely helps me with the baby unless I explicitly ask him to, he expects me to clean the house, look after the baby and I went back to work full time as a prison officer when our baby was 6 months old. I just don’t have the time! Our baby is a terrible sleeper so I’m up all hours at night and then have to get up, get myself and the baby dressed and drop her at nursery all before I go and do 13 hour shifts, and he refuses to get up in the night or in the morning! I then have to feed her and get her ready for bed! The only thing he does is put her to sleep in her cot, and even doing this he gets mad that she cries so I have to go in and take over.
We had an agreement when the baby was born that I would pay nursery fees and my personal bills (car, phone, student loan etc) which come to about £1000 all together and he would pay the mortgage and household bills which come to about £1100 as he earns more money than I do.
This last month however he has told me that I need to start giving him an extra £400 a month to support the household. When I told him I couldn’t afford this because of nursery bills and other bills, as well as food shopping and baby things I need to buy, he told me that he didn’t care and that it wasn’t his problem. I feel completely unsupported in every aspect of our relationship. I feel like he doesn’t care that much about our daughter and that I basically raise her on my own.
I would love to leave. We own a house, which he says me and our daughter wouldn’t be allowed to have if I split up with him, which I am happy with. There’s no money in the house as we didn’t buy it that long ago, so for all I care, he can keep it or we can sell it. However, I can’t afford to leave and get our own house and I feel completely trapped. My mind is telling me to leave him but my heart is telling me to stay put. I know it’s best for me and my daughter to leave but I don’t know what to do, I feel like I’m losing my mind! 😬 anyone with a similar experience? Why can’t I bring myself to leave even though I’m so unhappy?