Should I let an estranged grandparent see new grandchild?

[TheKMan]

Hi,

So, I thought I would post and see what people think. I fell out with my Dad a few years ago after he split up with my Mum (had an affair) and left her in the lurch. It also came out at the time that he had been telling lies for years, taken out loads of debt in her name and the affair at the time was not the first. I haven't spoken to him for about 5 years+ and I am happy to continue not to. Although I had a good upbringing and in many ways he was a decent enough father, there are lots of character traits of his that are not good. I don't like him as a person. I have just had my first child, a little boy, and I am now wondering whether it is right for me to continue to not see him and therefore he would not have a relationship with his only grandchild (thus far). My two other siblings do have a semblance of a relationship with him. In my own mind, there are very good reasons why I do not wish to see him again and if I were to see him, I can only see things going quite badly. Thoughts?

How did your father react to your estrangement? How is he with your siblings and their offspring? Do you think he is changed?

There is every possibility he doesn't want a relationship with you and will provide no positivity to your family, in which case I would leave things be particularly if you no are not able to get past his previous actions.

I don't see my dps. Would not cross my mind to encourage a relationship with them +dc... Inappropriate imo.
He doesn't fill absf role - why offer a dgf? Do you feel he will do any better at that? Ime no he won't. But you will add a while lot of stress and hassle to your life when you should be concentrating on your own relationship with your new dc...

No, I don't think it's a good idea. If you don't think he is good enough to have a relationship with and you feel things will go badly if you do see him, why on earth would you want your child to have a relationship with him? So many parents here ask this question and it really baffles me. They are NC with their parent/s for their own very valid reasons, yet they question whether they should allow these toxic parents to have an influence over their children

God, no.

If you have to protect yourself from toxic people, then you CERTAINLY have to protect your kids from them!

Eh, no!

Thanks for those responses. Yes, those perspectives are definitely on my train of thought. I suppose my nagging doubt is a self-reflection that my issues with him are my own (though I feel are entirely valid reasons) and I don't want to be simply reflecting my own issues on to another person. My two siblings do have a an amicable, though not particularly loving, relationship with him. That's their choice of course. I also wonder if my child will thank me or loathe me in time if I have not given them a chance to have a relationship with one of their grandparents. As said, he is not a person who I like and he has some character traits which are fairly questionable to say the least but he is not an entirely bad person and would probably be a decent enough grandfather.

In some ways, the situation would be a whole lot simpler if he was estranged by all my family but the fact that my two siblings have sought to have a relationship with him leaves me with a nagging doubt if I am being unreasonable and potentially leaves me feeling slightly guilty. I can't imagine me having any sought of relationship with him tbh though.