Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

Does anybody share a house with their parents - maybe in a separate annexe?

11 replies

Pollyanna · 03/09/2007 08:49

My mum and her partner have recently moved from the (cheap) north to the SE of England to be near us and can only afford a really tiny house in a not so brilliant area. We have lots of children and dream of a big house with a huge garden for them to roam around in.We can't afford this really!

my mum loves gardening and wants more land, but not particularly lots of rooms.

If we clubbed together we could get a big house with a huge garden. We could probably get a house with a separate annexe so we wouldn't have to live on top of each other. I wondered whether anyone has this kind of living arrangement. I get on really well with my mum, but she also has the power to annoy and upset me like no one else really. The dcs love her and dh is pretty laid back about her, but I wondered what in practice the pros and cons of this kind of arrangement are.

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 03/09/2007 08:59

I started a thread a while back as we were thinking of doing a similar thing with ILs will see if I can find it.

WideWebWitch · 03/09/2007 09:03

here you go, I got lots of v good advice here

For us, it was all scuppered when MIL muttered something about me being after her money at which point I said forget it, they can stay there, she can stay in a home for all I care (she is still there as FIL can't get his act together to either sell their house/adapt it for her disability/buy another one plus we think he's quite enjoying the freedom from MIL) But hey, I've now decided it's none of my business, I'm staying out of it now. From my POV it's easier for us to NOT do it as we can buy happily on our own next year and all that happens is that DH goes there twice a year

admylin · 03/09/2007 09:19

My cousin did the exact same thing you are thinking of. She thought she'd get somewhere better and bigger if she went 50/50 with her parents. It all went wrong because they bought a modern house which was lovely but the walls were thin so her poor parents had to sit quiet as mice while her 2 dc got to sleep at night, they couldn't have people over, couldn't even watch TV loud enough for the dad to hear properly (a bit deaf), there were other things too but in the end the parents pulled out, her dad died and her mum is left sitting in a rented shoe box flat waiting for her daughter to sell up and pay her back her half.
That's just one bad example of what could go wrong but then again it depends on how easy going you are.

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 03/09/2007 09:22

Well that is half an hour of my life I will never get back.

Just read the whole thread.

Thank God it became apparent so early on.

Hurlyburly · 03/09/2007 09:30

Don't do it. Just don't do it. I could elaborate but it would take several years.

Original poster
Pollyanna · 03/09/2007 09:34

thanks for that WWW - I have read your thread. I'm sorry everything went wrong for you - my mil and fil are wealthier then my parents and there are similar issues there.

The main issues for us will also be money (of course) and inheritance as my mum isn't married to her partner (who isn't our father) and I also have 2 sisters who would be interested in their inheritance if she died before her partner. Her only assets would be tied up in our house - her partner would not be putting anything into the house.

My mum is only in her 50s though, and very well at the moment. She has already done the first move you talked about in your thread - moving to be closer to us, and having to sacrifice her space and land. It is making her miserable having to live in a tiny house with no garden.

If my mum became infirm it would be me who would probably have her live with me anyway.

There are lots of stories on how such arrangements have gone wrong - I wonder if there are any successes?

OP posts:
Tinkerbel5 · 03/09/2007 13:01

I have experience of this, my nan is in an annexe attached to my parents property and it worked for us, its been like that for nearly 30 years now and as a child I loved having my nan and grandad next door, my grandad used to help with the school runs whilst my mum and dad were at work. My nan is on her own now and she still does her own thing but with her friends and my parents go into her house for chats and she goes into theirs. I think it definately can work aslong as you treat it as 2 houses rather than just an annexe that you keep going in and out off and to respect each others privacy.

WideWebWitch · 03/09/2007 16:14

lol Bree, apols!

Best of luck with this if you decide to go for it Pollyanna. In theory I think it's a sensible and kind idea, but as people say, there can be BIG issues.

WideWebWitch · 03/09/2007 16:14

lol Bree, apols!

Best of luck with this if you decide to go for it Pollyanna. In theory I think it's a sensible and kind idea, but as people say, there can be BIG issues.

WideWebWitch · 03/09/2007 16:14

lol Bree, apols!

Best of luck with this if you decide to go for it Pollyanna. In theory I think it's a sensible and kind idea, but as people say, there can be BIG issues.

WideWebWitch · 03/09/2007 16:15

Sorry am in internet cafe and IT'S CRAP. #

New posts on this thread. Refresh page