For the person who didnt go to uni or didn't do so well at school....

[IwishIwasrich]

Do you have any regret ? Does it affect your life of everyday ? I have been feeling blue lately because our situation at home is not really ideal. I'm in maternity leave at the moment but I'm a purchasing assistant and I dont earn much, my dh is the highest earner but had just been made redundant...we dont own our house, we have 2 dds, we are living in a nice aera but we know we are never going to be able to afford anything in here. I cant help to feel guilty that I didnt work hard when I was a teen, I never knew what I wanted to do, I cant help feeling thick, I wish I could go back in the time and change things but I cant.

I wish I could train into something else but I dont know what, I dont think I have any talent. I'm so dulllll. The worst is most of my friends have amazing careers and they worked hard for it. I cant help to feel like a waste of space.

Does anyone feel like this sometimes ?

First of all, consider what you have, a family, good health and you live in a nice area, many have less than this.
Secondly, many of us did not end up in the career we would have chosen.We found it later in life when our family was less demanding. Why not contact your nearest college of further education and look at the courses on offer? There are also local community claases for sure. Many are suited to return to learn types like yourself, who were let down by the education system first time around.There will be lots of evening classes available, and you dont need to start with one that leads to a new career, just to boost your morale.Try t'ai chi, or computer classes. Colleges are recruiting right now, so dont waste any more time feelng you cant help yourself. good luck!

First of all, consider what you have, a family, good health and you live in a nice area, many have less than this.
Secondly, many of us did not end up in the career we would have chosen.We found it later in life when our family was less demanding. Why not contact your nearest college of further education and look at the courses on offer? There are also local community claases for sure. Many are suited to return to learn types like yourself, who were let down by the education system first time around.There will be lots of evening classes available, and you dont need to start with one that leads to a new career, just to boost your morale.Try t'ai chi, or computer classes. Colleges are recruiting right now, so dont waste any more time feelng you cant help yourself. good luck!

I did awfully at school, really badly certainly compared to my ability. My home life was a mess and there was no way it could have been different.

A few years ago i went abck to college, did an Access and and am at Uni- and doing well. maybe you could do something like that? Its amazing fun and an access helps decide what you want to do

Thank you for your answers ! I'm happy with what I have already ! It's true I need to go to college again but my problem is that I dont have a clue what I could do....what skills to learn in order to add more value to my cv and also obvioulsy increase my salary over the years...I want to work hard but I dont know where to start...

Hi iwish.., my younger sister hated school and did not do well. When she left at 17 she just wanted to have fun and live her life her way. My parents didn't agree at the time but she had her few wild years, got married at 23 and when she was 28 she went to university and got a good degree in languages. She has gone on to travel the world as a language teacher and is now returning to uni to do a masters. Sometimes doing things the unconventional way can work better for you. Don't be so hard on yourself, it is never too late.
I also live in a rented house with dh and dd and we are under constant pressure from friends and family to buy a place but I decided I wanted to be at home with dd for a couple of years and we can't buy on one salary. It is a question of priorities for us.

I left my grammar school with no qualifications in the early 70s because I was a lost soul with no guidance from my parents, teachers etc.

10 years later I took an aptitude test at the company where I was temping and got into computer programming. I then went contracting and earned pots of money
but also felt everyone else looked down on me for not having a degree and it was never a satifying career for me.

After my children started school I started working at some of the local primary schools in playleader, dinner lady and LSA roles. I have been at my current school as a full-time TA for 2 years and have just gained my 1st certificates ever!!! (O.k. it's only level 2 numeracy and literacy) I feel really buoyed up and am starting an NVQ3 in a couple of weeks on the back of it with an intention to work towards a degree afterwards. I absolutely adore my job and would work for nothing if we could afford it! (Although don't tell my HT)

I would never have dreamed I would love working with children but it was one of those things that just happened.

Good luck in making a decision

Hi mumtod !! It's so hard, I can'help beating myself over it...I have left school at 20 but I just qualified to be a secretary..same I enjoyed life, my youth..I wanted to be outside my parents place as much as possible..I was full of dreams for the future but dreams doesnt pay for a living...We dont have pressure from anyone but I just cant go out with my dh when he sees his friends, they are all couple with good degrees and good situations..I feel like an outcast...and once I even heard one of the lady saying (thinking I couldnt hear) that she really had nothing in common with me...maybe my problem is a big complex of inferiority..I dont know, I just know that I want to change this and try to improve our lives by studying...I dont know if the key of a good start towards my goal is to see an advisor.

Thank you whereisthehamster, your post is really inspiring !! I also think I should pass an aptitude test, I think that could be a beguinning

I think seeing an advisor might be a good idea. Taking on a uni course might not be the answer. Is there anything you are passionate about? This might give you a clue to what you would enjoy.
Pay no attention to people who think they are better than you - if that is the way they think then education has not done much for them.

It does hurt a lot to be looked down at and at the moment I'm not strong enough to not care plus I have another disadvantage, I'm french and my diction is not always perfect..I have the feeling that I'm the one who drags my family down. They are paying the price of my mistake from the past...in the long term. I try to think of any passion or talent that I could have but I'm brain dead of that question..

I try to speak about it with my dh but when I do I burst into tears, feeling too guilty.I know I need to move my arse, it's just not easy.

Did you ever think of maybe teaching French? It would give you a chance to keep in touch with your own culture and there are always people trying to learn new languages. I'm sure you are not dragging your family down - you have 2 little girls and a job so you are achieving more than I am at the moment.
Your English is fine - you are able to hold a conversation in another language. Lots of people would consider that a talent.
Has your dh had any luck finding another job yet?
Where in France are you from? My BIL is French - he is from Toulouse

I went to a crap catholic school, got moved out in my final year into another equally shite one. My mother never took any interest in what I was doing and I was bullied and very very unhappy.

I left school at 16 with one C grade in Religion.

I got work as a kennel maid on a YTS scheme. I had to get up at 7am, make 2 bus journeys and a half mile walk, work unsupervised with dogs that were bigger than me, for £30pw, a tenner of that went to my mum for rent.

Eventually I went back to college and re-took 3 of my GCSE's. I carried on working in shit jobs, paying rent to my mum, as that is what we did in our area, in our family. It was very working class and you worked to bring income back into the family.

Eventually I found a way out. An adult residential college in Oxford, affiliated to the catholic church took me on, I opted to do a Law diploma. I mixed with people who had ambitions and it rubbed off on me. The word "University" was even mentioned! Until then it was never considered as an option for me. I left with a B and got into University studying English and Law.

I've never looked back. I'm now due to start as an LSA for secondary school pupils with special needs. I probably could make more use of my degree, but for me the point of my degree was that it opened up my world to the dizzying prospect of "choices" and "opportunities". I gained respect and make some long lasting friendships. I found a voice and an opinion. It was the best thing that ever happened to me and enabled me to finally break free from the negative hold of my family.

I'm from west of france, loire valley ! DH didnt have an interview yet as it was august so very quiet (so we think)...thanks for saying about my english being good ! Sometimes I have the feeling (especially with dh's friend) that to get the consideration of other people, you have to earn big bucks !!! And you mumtodd, which job would you like to do when going back on the jobmarket ?

Oooh, I lived in Bordeaux for 2 years, my dd was a fluent French speaker but we now struggle keeping her on top of her French. I miss France terribly.

I absolutly love Bordeaux if I had to go back to France, I'll try to go and live in Bordeaux ! People are so warm there !! Put your dd under pressure to keep up with her french, in 10 years time she'll be grateful for the effort !

I did crap at school and didn't go to uni even though all my family and friends did. I waitressed for years until I decided I wanted to become a chef. I worked 60 hours a week for 60 quid and went to college on my one day off a week. I was totally obsessed with cooking and food history and got an incredible thrill out of being the one in the class who knew everything for the first time in my life. Eventually I wrote a book and that led me to journalism and now I make a reasonable living out of writing about all sorts of things.

Turns out I'm not thick (as I was made to feel in my youth), just a late developer

Thanks Carmenere !! What a nice story...you must and can be very proud of yourself !! It also help to understand that so do I..I would love to be proud of myself one day, to be an achiever ! My friends tell me that I can be proud of myself for being successful at building a life in England. I have true a lot of shit at the beginning but all I have done the last 5 years, is bagging myself a nice husband and having 2 kids..I'm not so confident in myself as I used to be !

I do try but it's hard telling a 7yo to speak French. We did set up a swap shop kind of thing with friends over there, the idea being that we send them English books, CDs and DVDs for their children, in return for French ones for ours. But so far I've sent 2 parcels and had none in return.

IWIWR you have a lot but what you are missing is self esteem. How about teaching French? that might be something you could take a course in and then something you could do around work hours to make extra money?

Rubarb - I know what you mean about your dd, mine is 3 years old and understand french and occasionaly speak it but it's hard as she was born in England and live in England ! Your friends are a bit mean not to have sent back any french books !

Carm - I think I would love to teach french or at least being able to help pupils outside school hours but I have a BTNC in secretariat so it doesnt give many possibilities does it ?

Well over here you can do a Teaching English as a Foreign Language certificate, that you don't need a university degree for and as far as I know there is a similiar thing that French people can do. I think dp's ex did something like that through the Alliance Francaise although I could be mistaken. I did a search but couldn't understand any of it because it was in french

havent read the whole post but iwishiwasrich you need to look at all teh positives in your life and build on that,of course you ahve talent,everybody has talent at something! you are not a waste of space and,you are a mother to 2 dd's, do your friends who have "amazing" careers also have children?

i was dreadfull at school and left with not one gcse,i got a distinction c&g in maths but all else was either ungarded or failed to turn up this hasnt ever stopped me doing what i want in life,ive never been out of work and fingers x'd never will.
i had my ds's young and built up my "career" from there. i managed a restaurant for 11 years and now run a succesfull childcare buisness.
i have no regrets with my schooling,leaving school with no qualifications hasnt hindered my life atall.

I didn't do well at school and I went to college for a year doing a course that you didn't need gcse's for.
I now work in a field completly different to that I wanted to do when I first left school too.
My Mum always thought I would end up working in a supermarket as a checkout girl (not that there is anything wrong with that!) but I have studied various courses as I have been working.
I sometime wish I had gone to uni for the experience but I think I have got more out of going straight into work at 17.

Hi again, sorry for disappearing but dh went off to watch a match and dd woke up from her nap so that was the end of afternoon mumsnetting. To answer your question I am not sure what I would like to do when I go back to work. Part of me thinks I should just find something stress free and do just enough hours to earn enough to help out but another part of me feels a bit unfulfilled so I do think about training to do something different. I love reading and books so would love to work in a library or big bookshop but I haven't done anything about it yet.

Certificates aren't everything and don't prove much, either, well not GCSEs anyway! I have a stack load of GCSEs and A levels at top grades, and a good degree. I had really bad things going on at home but found a kind of escape in my studies, and had always been ambitious and was afraid of failure. I am about to become a teacher, which I always wanted to do, but unless you want to be a doctor, solicitor, teacher, lecturer, vet, something like that, degrees are mainly an eye-opening experience and give you options. I found my degree hindered me more when I graduated and I struggled to find normal work (I had to defer teaching due to illness). So I say just be happy with whatever you have and try to find your niche by maybe temping. Have you thought about doing a short English course and then getting into TEFL?