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Original poster

My friend doesn't like her child's name - any advice?

50 replies

IrisMurdoch · 31/08/2007 15:44

This sounds a bit silly but my friend has been depressed for ages because she no longer likes the name she gave her daughter.

She thought the name was less common than it actually is and she says it gets her down EVERY DAY. She's even not looking forward to putting her daughter into nursery in case there are two other little girls with the same name in the class...

I've told her she needs to get over this and enjoy her daughter but she says she can't help it and she wishes she could turn the clock back...

Does anyone have any advice? Thank you!

OP posts:

frazzledbutcalm · 31/08/2007 16:07

That's a really pretty name. I wouldn't have thought it was common though. Tell her just to adore ruby and remember how special she and her name is

Baffy · 31/08/2007 16:07

I actually understand just how much this can get you down.

I called my ds a name I didn't like just because his father wanted it and I wanted to make him happy! I used to cringe when I told people his name though.

Since his dad left us I now call him by his middle name. He answers to both and interchanges both.
And finally... I'm happy with his name!
Hindsight is a wonderful thing!

Baffy · 31/08/2007 16:08

Ruby is lovely btw

nailpolish · 31/08/2007 16:10

ruby is a lovely name

Piggy · 31/08/2007 16:11

It's a shame they called that daft bint in Eastenders Ruby!

hanaflower · 31/08/2007 16:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flightattendant · 31/08/2007 16:21

It's a gorgeous name, and there are lots of special people with names that aren't in any way unique - her child is unique whatever.
I can seriously understand her feelings as a name is so important...to do with your bond with the child, perhaps she feels like she isn't very connected to her in other ways - for instance I felt I needed a special, different (Ok ridiculous ) name for my baby, because I was unable to bond with him before he was born - I was scared people would take him away (his father's family were hassling me) and so on. I needed very much to feel he was mine and mine alone. Now I almost want to change it to something more normal! But I think your friend has issues with 'ownership' or bonding, perhaps, or feeling she's a good mum...the idea that your baby is purely a product of the modern age, with a name that belongs to the population rather than just itself, can be threatening to those of us less happily a part of society ourselves.

If that makes any sense?

flightattendant · 31/08/2007 16:22

Not criticising her in any way but just I understand...it's hard. I hope she can find a way past it.

Shoshable · 31/08/2007 16:25

I know a Ruby (the cutest little thing) another child always called her Ruby Boo, now she is known just as Boo

Original poster

IrisMurdoch · 31/08/2007 16:32

FA - that's an excellent theory about the name belonging to the population...it makes perfect sense to me. I am sad to think of my friend as an unhappy part of society but come to think of it, she has become a little hostile to the world in the last couple of years. She gets furious about things, has bust ups with her sister etc, is very defensive sometimes if you give her advice. She never used to be so angry. I wish I could do something.

OP posts:

Dinosaur · 31/08/2007 16:38

It's a lovely name but there are a lot of them around now.

But so what?

I really wanted to have one of hte common (ie usual) names at school and not be stuck with Rosie, which I hated and still do hate. And of course you can't spit in the average playground now without hitting a Rosie (usually next to a Ruby).

MaryAnnSingleton · 31/08/2007 16:41

I love Ruby !

flightattendant · 31/08/2007 16:52

Perhaps having a baby has made her feel less of a person in her own right. Thus the huge significance attached to the little one's name - it has to somehow define the mother, I know that's how I felt - easy to care too much about these things if you don't feel supported, confident and strong inside. Is her husband helpful, supportive? She does sound very unhappy.

flightattendant · 31/08/2007 16:54

More like depressed, really - that's Ok, it's not defining, not permanent - could be PND, or the other kind - might lift by itself or perhaps she could use a visit to her gp? Either way your friendship is important, just be there for her whenever you can

helenelisabeth · 01/09/2007 14:26

My DD's name is Grace - when we chose the name in 2001/02 I only knew of one other child called the same name. Now it is all I bloody hear (and number 2 in the Top 10) BUT it is the name I chose, I love it and so what if its popular. Your friend should just get on with it IMO. She could give her DD a complex.

flightattendant · 01/09/2007 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

startouchedtrinity · 01/09/2007 14:47

I wonder if she was depressed when she chose teh name and hearing/saying Ruby takes her back to that time. I had avery traumatic time when ds was born last year b/c it co-incided with dd2 being ill, and I have thrown out everything I can that reminds me of that time, even ds' baby clothes- it is amazing what can trigger feelings of panic and unhappiness. I am the type of person who keeps stuff like that usually. I can imagine that if choosing a name was traumatic, if she felt panicky or inadequate when she was choosing it and maybe even wasn't sure of her choice as the name was being registered, then saying and hearing it will simply bring back those feelings.

If I were your friend I would call her 'Bee' or 'Bea', it is a sound her dd will be used to responding too, and I would also ask friends, family and nursery to do so. I also expect that with time these feelings will pass.

startouchedtrinity · 01/09/2007 14:48

Wilbur, oh now that is cool. And Will is fine for when he is a teenager and wants to blend in with the wallpaper.

flightattendant · 01/09/2007 14:54

Thanks Star...

We call him Bill! (and Bilbo...and various other things!)

startouchedtrinity · 01/09/2007 15:21

We call our ds Bear.

oops · 01/09/2007 15:23

Message withdrawn

berolina · 01/09/2007 15:28

We chose ds's name (which is uncommon over here in Germany, where we have lived all his life) without knowing how popular it was/is in the UK (in the top 10). When I found out I did feel a little deflated for a moment, as there is the chance we will go to the UK one day, but - guess what? - I got over it. ds suits his name perfectly, and I wouldn't want it any other way. It does sound like there's something going on.

berolina · 01/09/2007 15:29

Oh, and I think if we had found out before the birth we would have still given him the name. It seemed to 'fit' as soon as we'd decided on it (at 16 weeks pg ).

hellish · 01/09/2007 15:34

tell your friend to move to a different country.
I chose Evie, little did I know, so did everyone else...
oh, and my other dd is Freya
But I moved to Canada and now they have lovely, unique and 'cool' names by accident.

Everyone here thinks I am a baby naming genius

evenhope · 01/09/2007 17:04

My DH vetoed the name I'd set my heart on for DS3 and then again for DD2. We ended up desperately trying to come up with something and I'm not sure that I like her name at all now... Mostly we call her Baby and DH calls her Poo... I still hanker after the name I wanted...

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