Could I find out who would have adopted me?

[Davespecifico]

When I was born, nearly 50 years ago, I was due to be adopted but my mum changed her mind at the moment she was due to hand me over.
I’ve never really considered it, but there must have been a family all geared up to take me (unless I’d have gone into care first?)
I have considered getting my records from my local authority. I have been in care and had social workers, so there would be quite extensive records. Would they go back 50 years?

I don't know the answer to your question, sorry, but thought I'd come on to suggest you try posting in the Adoption section. There are some very well informed posters on there who might be able to help.

Thanks Drama. Was going to post there but it looked to be more about adoption now.

Why are you wanting to find out? What are you expecting to come from this? I think you need to think long and hard about why you want to know and how various answers will affect you.
If you found out the family was super rich and happy, how would you feel, if you’ve been in care etc then your life wasn’t great would you feel angry that you’d been robbed of a better life?

I’m adopted and often toy with the idea of getting hold of my files to read. I was 4.5 when put into care and 6 when adopted so there is a huge chunk of my life that is ‘missing’ I chatted to a social worker friend of mine and she asked me the above questions and I’m not sure, not sure if knowing all the details will be worse than just imagining all the details!!

It’s tricky and emotional and messy!

No harm posting there as well, someone might know. Hope you find the answers you are looking for.

Adoption in the UK isn’t like adoption in America and what you see on TV where birth mother chooses a family and baby gets handed over. Babies go into care first and there’s a long drawn out process. My youngest sister was a baby when we were put into care, she was put in a different foster home to me and my other sister as babies were easy to adopt so they split babies up from siblings.

Just feeling nosey Brie. I don’t think there’s much chance I’d find out anyway.
I’m more concerned about how I’d feel generally about seeing all of my notes. I think it might stress me to find out or be reminded of parts of my childhood. And it would really wind me up if the records were inaccurate.

You weren’t in foster care from birth? You were with your mother? I seriously doubt there was a family waiting for you particularly. They may have been waiting to adopt but wouldn’t have had your details/met you until you were in the system.

You’re probably right Miniguinnessl I just wondered because when my mum talked about it, she always referred to me being on the point of being adopted rather than simply being taken from her, I can’t ask her unfortunately a she’s no longer alive.

I'm an adoptee. The process had already started pre birth as BM had talked extensively through her options. The process that followed was - I was placed with a Foster mum briefly until placed with adoptive family, and then the settling in process started whilst it was mutually decided if I was a 'good fit' as viewed by both my family/social services. My family was already vetted (so to speak), and were approved and basically waiting for me (or another 'good fit baby' to be matched). I seriously doubt that you'd be able to access records regarding any 'potential match', as it was withdrawn, and the placement never happened. Even if there is a record I doubt it'd be made avaliable, due to confidentiality. If you were actually placed with the family for a time it may be within your care plan record (but I think it's more likely they'd omit those details). You would be able to access your records if they still exist (I have my file via looking into contacting BM), but as the adoption never officially took place they may have been sealed. I can empathise in curiosity to 'know your history', but would you genuinely want to contact someone who may have missed out on the adoption process and had to live 2ith that? As for your files - you can contact your local council adoption services and start the ball rolling to access your file... Be aware you may read things written at the time that were phrased 'badly', or may reflect negatively on your mum.

You definately would have been placed with a foster carer first though. I'm younger (but not by much) than you, but they couldn't have placed you straight away with adoptive parents as the law states there must be a cooling off period for BM to change her mind (rightly so!). Obviously I'm only speaking from my own personal experience and someone else may have a different one to offer.