Is she being unreasonable?

[emkana]

I have a friend who has a 5 year old dd. Whenever her and her dh want to go out together (which is not that often - maybe 6 to 12 times a year), they don't get a babysitter in, but ring round friends and neighbours instead asking if their dd could stay with them - possibly even overnight! She teaches in a lovely girls only school, and her daughter used to go to a nice nursery, so I don't think she would have trouble recruiting a babysitter. But I think she doesn't want to spend the money (she's very tight with money - she once asked me if I wanted to use up a left over, but already opened, pack of nappies - and then asked me for the money for it!), even though they're doing ok financially. And I think the other thing is that she doesn't want to have a "stranger" in her house while she isn't there.
She hasn't asked me that often, because normally she can rely on a few other friends, but when she has asked me I've made excuses so far. But now she's left a message asking me again - and I really, really don't want to - especially as this child is notoriously difficult at going to bed, she's been known to haunt the house until 11 pm! So shall I just say that I'm not feeling good enough (I've got mastitis), or what?

asked for money for an opened pack of nappies???

Tell her you can't do it, sorry. And don't offer any excuse or reason.

Cheeky mare

agree with suzywong. What a cheek!! can't get over the nappy thing. I can't see the point of living like that. You get what you give IMO

If you don't want her overnight, then don't - yes and you have a perfectly good excuse at the moment! Sometimes its nice to do favours for people, particularly if you can then ask them to do one in return for you, but this doesn't sound like one of those situations TBH. Could you recommend a reliable babysitter to her or suggest phoning someone who uses one regularly for their phone number ?

Not that that's why I give btw just I'm not tight iykwim

i would ask her for money to look after her....just to get my own back on her........sorry!!! if you arent well then i would say tell her that you are not up to it. whats the worst that could happen? she will ring someone else.

Yes, she's being unreasonable. She's expecting favours from you for free but seems to do little in return. Ill or not I would politely tell her no you can't do it.

I can understand her not wanting to get babysitters when there are people that her DD knows available - usually I pool babysitting with my friends rather than pay a stranger to sit in the house.
The nappy thing is a bit mean alright, but you could put that down to difference in personality.

I think the problem is that she's being presumptious in asking (does she realise how much work her DD is for other people? does she babysit for you?) and you don't particularly want to mind this child as she will be a lot of work. considering your current situation (mastitis & small baby & probably sleep deprivation as well) that's perfectly understandable. Just say you don't feel well, she can't argue with that.

The nappy thing is ridiculous, I would never dream of doing that .. although I think I know someone who would .. you must have thought she was joking initially

And as for overnight babysitting ... well I think she should bloody well wait till someone offers .. just say no .. don't make excuses .. say no

How about saying yes, but then adding something like "I dont know if you realize that I've put my rates up and I now charge £xxx and hour for babysitting." Bet she doesn't call you again!!

You don't have to give a reason for saying "no", but i understand the feeling (however irrational) that you need to offer excuses when put upon in situations like this. Like many others i have a small core of very good friends and we have a casual but effective system of sharing favours; picking up children/ extra playdates for someone's ds or dd when one of us is stretched. BUT it's a network of co-operation, not someone doing all the asking and none of the offering. With your "friend's" background in education, I'm sure she could easily find a babysitter she knew and trusted, maybe a trainee teacher or assistant who could do with a bit of babysitting cash. Though it looks like parting with cash is at least part of the problem...

I can understand the babysitting thing as I would rather leave dd with someone she knows/is known to me. At 5 though I'd be wary of taking responsiblity for someone else's child/ wouldn't leave my dd with a friend at that age.
The nappy things a bit naughty... i always take half used packets to the doctors surgery for use there...

if you don't mind babysitting I would say 'I'll do it gladly at your house but its inconvenient for her to come to us' don't be swayed be as hard faced as she is!