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Original poster

6 weeks too long?

12 replies

Mumofoneandanotherontheway · 28/12/2019 22:48

Need some advice as me & dh have been arguing.
He has a family member from abroad who’s come to stay with us & all they did was call and say they are coming to visit & would like to stay with us (didn’t ask, just told dh). We of course thought okay that’s fine will probably be 2weeks. I told hubby I can’t deal with any longer than 2weeks.
We’ve got 2 young kids (4, 1). We found out on Christmas that they are returning after a total of 6weeks. Isn’t that too long for someone to put them up?
They want breakfast made, tea made for them first thing in the morning which I am doing as dh has work & im a stay at home mum. Also there sleeping on the sofa. Today I drew the line as I’m quiet frustrated by it all (it’s been 10days so far) and told dh he needs to send him either to mil’s house or they need to go back. I have a life and I can’t deal with having to run around them first thing in the morning and then to sort my kids out.
Also it’s not just a cup of tea from the kettle, they like it to be boiled on the cooker for 10minutes!

Am I being unreasonable

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 28/12/2019 22:50

They can make their own bloody breakfast and complicated tea or they can piss off home again

MoreHairyThanScary · 28/12/2019 22:59

Withdraw labour!

You do not need to be boiling water and they can get their own breakfast .

bettybattenburg · 28/12/2019 23:08

I'd be kicking them out after a day or two if they were in my house. Six weeks is too long, guests are like fish and go off after three days

beck3001 · 28/12/2019 23:52

You have got to be kidding!!
I'd just quickly run through the lounge and say "sorry, busy with the kids, help yourself to what you need" then HIDE!

AlexaShutUp · 29/12/2019 00:00

I'm guessing from the tea comment that your relative is from the Indian subcontinent? If so, the expectations are probably cultural, but there is no way I'd be putting up with a helpless visitor for that long! Good idea to send him off to MIL's house for a while, if that's an option. If not, can you suddenly develop a mysterious illness that renders you incapable of waiting on him all the time? I'm guessing he might find somewhere else to stay if the hospitality dries up.

What is the purpose of his visit? Has he come to see you all, or is he here for work?

Your DH needs to deal with this somehow, it isn't fair to impose on you for such a long period.

Original poster
Mumofoneandanotherontheway · 29/12/2019 01:17

Alexa your right they are from the India hence the tea comment. Asked mil today to have them let her stay at her house and she totally rejected! Dh is in a situation where he/we don’t know how to tell them 6weeks is way too long! Back home the usual woman slavery goes on where they ‘expect’ we need to do everything! I’ve told dh it’s too much for me and I won’t be doing it. To which I’ve been told I’m being unreasonable Hmm

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Original poster
Mumofoneandanotherontheway · 29/12/2019 01:29

Love it dementedpixie Wink

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AlexaShutUp · 29/12/2019 11:16

OP, my DH is also from this culture and I am well aware of the expectations. Indian hospitality is second to none, and in many ways, it's amazing, but the burden does so often fall on the woman. I think compromise is the best solution.You turn on the charm for a week or two, and very firmly make it clear to your family that you can't do any longer under any circumstances!

It's interesting that your MIL is putting her foot down and saying no. Good for her! Now you need to do likewise!

Is it DH who is saying that you're unreasonable, or someone else? What does he think about your MIL declining to help? If DH won't deal with the relative, then tell him that he needs to be making their morning chai and breakfast before he goes to work.

Original poster
Mumofoneandanotherontheway · 29/12/2019 12:38

Mil had him stay at her house last year, she already has 1 visitor from India staying with her so I think that’s the reason she’s put her foot down. Also she said they called you & said they are coming so he’s not really my problem. Mil thinks it’s unreasonable! Dh thinks it looks unreasonable as we don’t have guests all the time & he said it’s only the morning tea/breakfast then rest of the day he’s out & has dinner with mil.
I find it weird mil is happy to have him for dinner daily but not to stay! She’s making my life difficult when she knows I already have my hands full!
I think from next week I will be making sure he gets the hint it’s too much and hopefully will just return back, and won’t be returning to ours again anyway Wink

OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 29/12/2019 23:06

I think you need to develop a sudden lurgy, OP. Something that makes you far too ill to cater for guests...

AlexaShutUp · 29/12/2019 23:07

Are you having to make paratha or something for breakfast? Or can you just put out some cereal and tell him to help himself?!

Original poster
Mumofoneandanotherontheway · 30/12/2019 07:41

So far I’ve been making egg sandwiches, omelette & egg on toast. He’s hinted about the parantha but I told hubby I’m not even getting into that. I don’t do it for us so won’t be doing for him either Grin will defiently be backing off from this week so he gets the message and hopefully decides to go back earlier x

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