Done to death but help please.............Wedding list dilemma.........

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I dont want a wedding list as such. We have a home, which has all the essentials.

However, I dont want half a dozen toasters when we get married either if we dont 'direct' ppl wrt gifts.

I'm not saying I want gifts from all, but, if they are going to get a gift, I'd rather it was a contribution to wedding costs, or maybe vouchers towards the new kitchen we want to start on when we have got married.

How do you tactfully/tastefully get around this?

im in same situation, im just going to explain as have most household stuff so gift vouchers or money would be greatly appreaciated

If people ask just say, if not graciously accept the toaster and return to Argos for an exchange.

I was wondering if there was a polite way to address it within the invitations???

i was going to only say if people ask and probably if u exclude a gift list the majorty will ask

IME people can get offended and huffy if asked for money or vouchers, but if you can face having a wedding list with one of the big stores people are happy to put cash towards what you want. You can then decide you didn't need whatever it was after all and return it to the store for vouchers to spend as you want.

something along the lines on the invite, we have everything we need, but really want your company on the day, if you utterly and totally want to give us a present, could we be really awful and ask for Harrods vouchers'

if you get my drift

I would leave it - don't say anything! As soon as you you have a wedding list, or say that we don't really want a present, but if you feel you must, then that automatically puts pressure on the guest to give a present (even if they were always going to).

Maybe you can tell those close to you (siblings, parents, PILs) what you would prefer, and maybe they can pass on to people who ask them what you want?

definitely leave it! when we got hitched we didn't have a list - it just feels a bit cheeky to me. we got one or two, ahem, unusual presents, but these were from dotty old relatives who never buy things from anyone's lists. We mostly got vouchers for department stores, which was lovely.

Indeed, in the absence of a list, or where many things from the list have gone, I think most people's thoughts turn towards vouchers - it's what i always give.

my mate put a message in his wedding invitations, it went like this.

On this our special Wedding Day
We don't know just what to say
We have a home with contents too
So thing we need are but few
But if a gift you'd like to bring
then a few pennies would be the thing,
which we would appreciate,
We hope that this wont cause offence
but in our case it makes more sense.

it worked, it may not be the best wording but they made their point in the nicest way imo

I'd leave it and let people ask too, I hate seeing invites asking for money or vouchers as it feels so impersonal and I always feel people are under more pressure to give more in vouchers than an actual present.

My MIL and a few close relatives asked and we said we were saving for a large item so they bought vouchers but everybody else bought pressies. Ok, we ended up with a few doubles but we simply swapped one for something we didnt have.

I think its far nicer to let people decide what they want to buy rather than being told what they have too.

I'm afraid I would just leave it and take the risk of getting lots of toasters. I really really hate wedding lists going out with invitations. I know lists are practical and all that, but I feel that if people really want to know what you want, they will ask. Then you can either send them a list, if that's your cup of tea, or mention gift vouchers or similar.

Putting anything else in with the invitations just looks greedy and as if you are expecting gifts. I know that most people do give something, but I just feel it's wrong to ask for something specific unless you are directly asked. Asking for money or vouchers is also potentially awkward because it's so obvious how much has been spent.

Hopefully you will find many people do indeed ask for suggestions, but otherwise just accept the odd toaster or two or dodgy ornament with good grace - it'll give you something to look back on and laugh about!