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Original poster

Eating as a family??

38 replies

Skate · 27/09/2004 11:52

How many of you out there regularly sit down to eat meals as a family?

Just been discussed on 'Phillip and Fern' and they were saying how awful it is that people don't do it enough anymore.

I agree that it's a great thing to do but it's just not logistically practical in our house. The kids (3.5 and 2) need to eat around 5.30 so I can deal with ds3 (4 weeks) after that then have time to bath the older two and get them into bed by 7.15ish. I certainly don't want to be eating my meal at 5.30 and dh isn't in from work till 6.45ish so we end up waiting till all the kids are in bed before attempting an interrupted meal together - that is valuable for us because it's our time to catch up and talk to each other which is hard to do when you've got 3 kids under 4. I think if we ate separately that would be bad for our relationship and that's not good for the kids either.

We try to eat with them on a Sunday when we have a Sunday lunch and perhaps on Saturday lunchtime we'll all have our sandwiches together. I cant' see it getting easier when kids go to school either because surely they'd need to eat their dinner before 7pm but if we waiting for dh, that's how late it would be.

OP posts:
MeanBean · 27/09/2004 11:59

We do every day, but only because I work from home and am a lone parent. I totally agree that it's important for you to eat with your DP. If I don't want to eat so early with them, I'll usually still sit at the table with them and have a cup of tea and chat to them.

Blu · 27/09/2004 11:59

I think the phrase covers rather a lot of different circumstances / assumptions. When I was a child, we never sat down 'as a family' in the week because of the same child/adult eat/work times (and Mum was a SAHM). But we did always sit at the table, all children together, with mum, who would sit with us even if not eating. And at w/e we all sat together. But we weren't allowed to eat in front of the TV, for e.g.
Some families don't have a table that everyone can fit round, or all choose to have food on lap in front of TV, or 'graze', stand in kitchen eating pizza before dashing out. I think this is what commentators really mean when they talk about 'the good old days'!

woodpops · 27/09/2004 12:00

It is soooooooo difficult to sit down as a family and eat. I work 3 days a week so for those days ds and dd are fed and watered at nursery. The days that I don't work I try to get breakfast and lunch with them but evening meal with dh who never knows what time he's going to be in. I think Sundays is the only day we really sit down as a family to eat and it always seems to be hell as ds doesn't like roast dinners!!!!

Hulababy · 27/09/2004 12:01

We nearly always have evening meal together. DD (2.5yo) has normally had a snack or something to eat before hand anyway - at nursery or at home, about 3-3:30ish. But then when Dh is home we all have a meal together at around 6:30pm.

Weekends we eat almost every meal together - either at home or out somewhere. It's not very often we do seperate things at weekend TBH.

Every so often on a Friday or Saturday night Dh and I will have a meal together after DD has gone to be though - instead of going out.

If we are going out DD eats on her own (which she doesn't like), or with which ever grandparents is babysitting.

I think it's really nice to eat as a family, and really encourages social skills, as well as dining skills. But can imagine it's much harder the more children there are and depends on what time you all get home. Not always practical.

Original poster
Skate · 27/09/2004 12:07

Woodpops - I'm with you there! We do Sunday lunch together but DS1 is very hard work with this meal!!!

During the week I do the boys' tea at 5.30 but I sit with them the whole time - I have to anyway because ds2 needs help. No, I wouldn't leave them while they were eating. Even on a weekend when dh and I are not eating, we sit with the boys while they do.

Blu - yes, I see what you mean. Mine always sit at the table for their main meal (though they might eat their butties in front of the TV at lunchtime ).

OP posts:
OldieMum · 27/09/2004 12:10

We have breakfast together every day and also have dinner together at about 6.30. This is possible only because I work part-time and work from home most days, while dh, who is also an academic, can schedule his teaching to finish in time. Before dd arrived, we both used to get home at about 7. I really don't see how people in full-time work, and with inflexible work patterns, can manage to eat with their young children. British people have the longest working hours in Europe and it's no use talking about the importance of families eating together unless work patterns change.

Issymum · 27/09/2004 12:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request

Original poster
Skate · 27/09/2004 12:12

Hear hear Oldiemum.

My dh gets home around 6.45 and it's great because at least he gets to do bath and bedtime with the kids and they love that time with daddy. He works in recruitment where they are really expected to work longer hours and most in his office do, sacrificing time with their children which, luckily for us, my dh refuses to do.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 27/09/2004 12:13

If DD has to eat alone for whatever reason, I try and make it more fun for her - picnics on the floor in the living area, etc. She then thinks it's a special treat.

Only time DD gets a roast dinner is if we visit grandparents those days or go for a cavery. Can't remember last time I made a full roast - must have been when we had visitors. Shame really as she loves then - just I don't eat meat, so not really worth it for 1 and a hlaf portions.

suedonim · 27/09/2004 12:19

We eat dinner together almost every day, though the number of participants vary according to schedules. I don't allow TV and we do a lot of catching up on each other's news at dinnertimes.

iota · 27/09/2004 12:28

I eat breakfast with my 2 in the week, but they have tea before dh is home, so I eat the evening meal with him.

Weekends we all eat all meals together - and nearly always have a roast on Sunday. We are also making more effort to eat out with them - not always easy with a fussy 5 yr old and a 3 yr old, but we're trying.

Pidge · 27/09/2004 12:31

Breakfast we manage - though even then I end up dashing off at 7.35am when dd is only half way through her cornflakes!

Dinner - hopeless, dd eats at 5.45pm, is in bed by 7.15 and I don't even get home until 6.45pm on work days.

Weekends we always do lunches together. But to be honest I relish evening meals as quiet time with dp (in practice we ignore each other and read the paper!).

Flip · 27/09/2004 12:40

Every night we eat at the table and it's important to us as a family. We all get to chat and catch up. But I have the luxury of my dh cycling up the driveway at about 5pm so he's there to entertain the kids while I finish getting tea ready or vice versa.

Doing a poll amongst my friends who have children similar ages to mine I've found that the ones who don't eat at the table as a family have no end of trouble when eating out.

Blu · 27/09/2004 12:42

Also, 'in the old days' lots of working people used to go home for lunch - when everyone worked in the factory at the end of the road, so would eat with the kids. Now, a commute of an hour or longer is common. I believe that lots of French people still go home for lunch?

saintshar · 27/09/2004 12:55

We didn't even have the space for a dinning table were we used to live - it was sooo small!
But we moved to this house in December, and i have only just finished (last Week) decorating the dinning room, saving up for a dinning room table etc.
Must say i really enjoy us all sitting down eating together. I have found that i know a LOT more about what my DS1 does at school, with his friends etc, as he seems to be taking this opportunity to have a right old natter to us!!
It is much better than the usual...'what have you been doing at school?'...DS1..'not a lot'........'How are you today'...DS1'fine'...you get the picture!!

hatter · 27/09/2004 12:55

I think it's important too but I don't think there's any harm done if it's not practical during the week and is a weekend only thing. DH is not home til 7.30 so not possible for us, but weekends we have Sunday dinner at about 6/6.30. Quite often have dinner on Saturday night together too and lunches at the weekend. probably eat out as a family every fortnight. DDs never eat infront of the tv (unlike me and dh - what a pair of hypocrites!) - they always eat at the table. When we went on holiday recently with another familay, we did a mixture of all eating out together and of sometimes giving the kids tea and having a grown-up dinner when they were in bed. I was really touched when dd1 (aged 4) asked on several occassions if we were all eating together and was clearly disappointed when I said no. Made me realise that they do appreciate it.

Blu · 27/09/2004 13:14

Flip: My DS has always been encouraged to sit down and eat with one of us - and we have no end of trouble eating out, too. In fact we have no end of trouble getting him to sit down and sit still anywhere at any time for any reason - especially food which he sees as an unnecessary interruption. So i don't think it is automatically linked to family meals.

NomDePlume · 27/09/2004 13:47

DD eats at 5pm, before DH gets home from work. I'm with her but don't eat (I'm generally clearing the kitchen etc). Dh gets home at 5.45 and does DD's bath at 6ish. She goes to bed at around 6.30-6.45 and we eat at around 7.30. If we have the boys with us (from DH's first marriage, we have them 60% of the time) then they eat with us at the table at 7.30ish.

codswallop · 27/09/2004 13:50

bet fern doesnt
she eats her family
heheheheheh

motherinferior · 27/09/2004 13:56

Please don't open the 'eating out' wounds (shudders at memory of DD1 acting up in caff last w/end).

I'll confess that breakfast arrangements in the Inferiority Complex usually involve DD1 munching in front of CBeebies at her little table, DP and me munching hassledly in the dining roomDd2 being fed by her father and/or passed between her hassled parents - and four days a week they eat the rest of their meals at their childminder. Fridays I eat lunch with them and sit at the table while they have their tea. Saturday breakfast is pancakes made by their dad, so all together and quite festive. We try and do Sat and Sun lunch together. Tea varies as to where it eaten. I try and press the point about eating at table and not reading books.

God knows what'll happen when DD1 starts school.

nutcracker · 27/09/2004 14:19

We do now most days.

If i am doing something seprate for me and dp though then we will eat later.

My kids play up too much if i don't sit with them whilst they eat.

nutcracker · 27/09/2004 14:20

PMSL & Coddy

Dd1 has taken to reading whilst eating, which i find quite ignorant but don't want to discourage her new found enthusiasm for books so haven't said anything YET.

Tortington · 27/09/2004 18:42

we always try to eat as a family at the table. if dh or i are working late then we willhave our meal late but the other person will always sit with them to have a conversation - its rude to leave someone alone eating i think. the kids get to tell us what they have done at school and we get to talk about our days and the kids get to understand a little more about our working responsabilities.

tonight dh is working late so when he comes home i will have his tea ready and will sit with him whilst he eats it and listen about his youth club

Ameriscot2004 · 27/09/2004 19:10

We almost always have dinner together. We eat at 6.30pm, like clockwork. I can't be bothered with cooking multiple meals.

My girls, who are at home from about 3.45pm, usually have an apple or a yoghurt to tide them over. My boys finish school at 5.30pm, but they have a small tea at school at around 4pm.

The only exceptions to our routine is if DH and I are going out, then I will feed the children around 6pm - something "kid-friendly" (unusual for us, but a real treat for them).

SofiaAmes · 27/09/2004 20:45

We always eat dinner together as a family and usually eat breakfast together too. Dh is usually finishes work earlier than I do and picks children (2 and 4) up from nursery/childminder around 6. I get home around 6:30 and we generally eat between 7 and 8 and the children go to bed at 9. I guess once they are at school and need to be up earlier, we may have to shift this schedule slightly earlier. I think eating together as a family is very important. There have been several studies done that say that it is one of the most important things in child rearing...more so than money, being married, being employed, being a minority etc. etc.
Although both my parents worked (uni profs), we always had breakfast and dinner together as a family and those meals are some of my fondest memories of my childhood.